


straight to my head

by how_to_sit_gay



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Needs a Hug, The TARDIS Ships It (Doctor Who), Threats of Violence, Yaz needs a hug as well, You know where I'm going with this, but is it actually slow burn if... nvm you'll see, pre The Timeless Children, there's smut now!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:08:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 80,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26065519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/how_to_sit_gay/pseuds/how_to_sit_gay
Summary: Yaz awakes with a massive headache and no memory of the previous night. As it turns out, not only last night is missing, but the last nine months as well.Noticing something unexpected, the weird images in her head slowly start to make sense and she is forced to make her mind up about a lot of things.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 250
Kudos: 196





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I promised myself, I promised ~~I'd wait for you~~ not to write a multi chapter fic again but here we are

Yaz groaned as she came to. Immediately, a dull throb made itself known behind her forehead and she was more than reluctant to open her eyes, afraid it might make matters worse. She wanted to bury herself deeper into the sheets, hoping the softness of her pillow might ease the pain a bit, but one after the other, her senses started to come back to life as well, and there was no way she would find any rest with her mouth feeling like something died in it.

Groggily, she cracked her eyes open one after the other, moaning as sunlight hit her irises. Was this one of her irregular migraines or what on Earth had she done to feel thrown under the bus like this?

The last thing she remembered was--

Why couldn’t she remember?

Stricken with panic, she jolted upright, suddenly wide awake. The sudden movement led to another spike of pain and she pressed her fingers to her temples, wincing.

Her police training kicked in and she quickly assessed the situation, hoping there was anything that could shed more light on her predicament. 

So, she was in her room, in her bed to be precise, with a splitting headache and absolutely no idea how she had gotten there or why she was still in her normal clothes instead of pjs. All of this screamed hangover and too much alcohol, but… she didn’t drink.

Slowly, as not to startle her sensitive head even more, she swung her legs over the edge of the mattress. Yaz’s feet had barely touched the ground before she felt an ache travelling up all the way from her ankles to her thighs. 

Okay, adding sore leg muscles to the list.

Unsteady like a newborn deer, she made her way - wobbled, really - over to her ensuite bathroom. This was ridiculous, she rarely got sore, let alone like this. She needed more input, more facts, more evidence, to make sense of this. Maybe her reflection could offer anything except from the shock she undoubtedly would get if her face looked how she felt.

Steadying herself with her arms bracing the sink, she slowly raised her head, subsequently opening one eye with bated breath, only cracking the other one open as well when she deemed it safe enough. Her gaze flitted over every square centimeter of skin in record time. 

Quietly, she blew out the breath she had been holding on to like a lifeline. Hair tousled from not sleeping with her regular braid, slightly smudged and caked makeup, bags under her eyes big enough to fit the Gucci logo, but apart from that - nothing too extraordinary. Admittedly, she’d had worse.

In the confined space, something else caught her attention. With crinkled eyebrows, she pulled the collar of her shirt up to her nose. Smoke and sweat. 

There was no other explanation, she had been out dancing, and judging by her memory loss, apparently drinking heavily as well. If that was true, she had a lot of praying to do. On one side to ask for forgiveness, and on the other that her parents wouldn’t find out about it.

However, one thing was sure: she couldn’t face her family in the state she was in. Completely on autopilot, she went through all the motions to make herself presentable - showering, brushing her teeth, clean clothes, the whole nine yards. The only thing still lacking when Yaz looked in the mirror again was any recollection of the past God knows how many hours.

Well, there was nothing she could do about it now. Giving her reflection one last glance, she straightened her shoulders, head held as high as the still burning pain permitted, and made to face the rest of the household.

She barely made it through her door before Najia poked her head around the corner.

“There you are, sleepyhead! I was just short of checking in on you, see if you’re still breathing.”

‘ _ There goes _ ’, Yaz thought, ‘ _ let’s see what I can find out _ .’

\--

In the end, she was none the wiser when she headed back to bed mere eight hours later. 

She had tried to read between the lines, had dissected every spoken and left unspoken word, overanalysed every glance and gesture, even steered the direction of multiple conversations as subtly as possible to the previous night, but it was to no avail. 

Everyone was acting as usual, not even Sonya had teased her with a single snide comment about her whereabouts or how come she’d gone out when she had no friends to begin with. It was all suspiciously unsuspicious. 

Even though she had slept until well past noon and had spent the majority of her waking time on the sofa in the living room, Yaz was still feeling exhausted beyond compare. Thankfully, at least the pain in her skull had finally subsided enough to not make her wince everytime she moved her head. That, and the fact that she was due for an early shift the next morning, made her hit the sheets more than willingly.

Staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars that were still glued to her ceiling, Yaz made a last-ditch effort to get to the bottom of last night, but when after ten minutes of soul searching and brain wracking the place where her memories should be remained nothing but a blank white wall, she finally gave up. It was what it was, a night out gone a tad too far.

Yet all she could think about when sleep finally found her was that something still didn’t feel right.

\--

_ “Yaz, c’mon get a shift on!” _

_ “Are you sure about this?” _

_ “‘Course not, but it’s the only chance to get you lot outta ‘ere alive!” _

_ Swallowing heavily, she finally took the proffered hand in front of her, a jolt going through her whole body as she got yanked-- _

Gasping, Yaz startled awake. The plastic stars above her barely gave off any light by now and refused to offer her galloping heart any comfort. She blindly grasped for her phone on the bedside table, confirming what the dull light filtering in through the blinds had already promised: only a bit more than half an hour until her alarm would go off.

There was no use in trying to go back to sleep now. Sure, she could try just for the sake of it, but from experience she knew too well that after the maximum additional twenty minutes she might get she would feel more tired than if she just stayed awake. To make matters worse, her head was starting to throb again.

Not ready to face the day just yet, she decided to kill the remaining time until her alarm checking any social media platform known to man, deliberately ignoring how the harsh artificial light burned her eyes, but ever so often her mind kept wandering back to her dream, or what she could remember of it, anyway.

The surroundings had been hazy, a frenzy of blues and greens, the ground shaking underneath her feet as strange figures had been coming at her. They hadn’t been human, that much she could tell, but the images were swimming in and out of focus, making it impossible for her to grasp anything and commit it to memory. Yet there was one thing which defied the blurriness, that remained sharp and clear as day the whole time. A mop of blond hair, moving around frantically - in front of her, beside, behind, unable to stay still and yet the most focussed object in the whole picture.

As if a veil had been lifted, she saw the hand, the same hand she had taken before she had jolted awake, and realised it belonged to the same person. The face had been obscured by strands of gold flying around, but maybe, if she could concentrate hard enough, maybe she could make out some features, anything that could give her a hint…

Yaz dropped her phone with a yelp as the alarm went off unexpectedly. 

Pressing a hand to her chest, her heart beating viciously under her palm, she took a few steadying breaths before she heaved herself upright and out of the bed, her head protesting most of the way. When had she become that jumpy? 

By now, coppery light was flowing through the cracks in the blinds and into the room, creating an orange pathway from her bedside to her vanity. Against her better judgement, Yaz decided to take a moment out of her routine to watch the sunrise. Getting up for early morning shifts was decidedly more tolerable in the summertime when the sun was waking up with her.

With her mind drifting off again, she only looked at the time again when the faraway star had already shed its orange and yellow hues for blinding whiteness. Cursing just loud enough to not wake her family, she finally sat down in front of the mirror.

_ ‘Practicality over beauty it is then, PC Khan… again.’ _

Since she wasn’t on desk duty today anyway, there was no use in braiding more than was necessary to keep her hair out of her face. Thinking back to the folder on her phone filled with pictures of all the fancy hairstyles she wanted to try someday but had zero reasons to actually put in the effort for, she pinned the last strand into place with a sigh.  _ ‘Maybe someday…’ _

\--

Back home, Yaz barely made it through the front door before her mother made an appearance.

“You’re home early, is everything okay?”, Najia came to a halt the second she spotted her daughter in the hallway and wrinkled up her nose, “You smell like half a brewery.”

“Believe it or not, mum, but I know.” 

“No need to be snarky with me  _ and  _ dripping onto my floorboards.”

The young woman lowered her eyes, embarrassed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. ‘S been a long shift ‘n a weird night, I guess.”

Instantly, the worry in her mother’s eyes increased. “You alright, love?”

“Jus’ need to get outta this mess”, she gestured at her uniform with a grimace, “and into the shower.”

Najia held her hands up in surrender. “Please, don’t let me keep you. The longer you stand there, the more your father will wonder what’s happened here when he gets back. This stench is rank.”

“Not to mention Son could probably get drunk from it alone.”

Before her mother could reply anything, Yaz slipped into her room as gracefully as the wet clothes allowed and immediately opened the window on her way to the bathroom. Exactly no one was keen on spending the night in a mist of booze floating around the room. Especially after her last run in with it had supposedly resulted in hours of her life missing.

Groaning, she let her still sodden clothes fall to the bathroom tiles with a wet sound. Sloshed off their faces they had been, and that just after noon on a Monday. Students really were the worst sometimes - especially when they decided to go on a bender in broad daylight at the railway station and then start a brawl among each other. 

She should have seen the beer coming, she had had ample time to jump to the side or just duck and reduce the damage, but out of nowhere her brain had felt like it was on fire and her vision had gone blurry with it. At least that was what Yaz was telling herself. In fact, it had rather seemed like she had been catapulted back into last night’s dream, the blond woman in front of her again, arm outstretched. 

It had only lasted a second, the pain gone again almost as quickly as it had befallen her, but it had been enough to get herself doused in one of the student’s beers. The roughest wake up call she’d ever had in her life so far and she really could not recommend it to anyone. 

Usual protocol for these kinds of cases was to head back to the station with the perpetrators and get cleaned up there - they had showers there for exactly this reason - but Yaz had managed to convince her partner Harry to drop her off at Park Hill as it was closer. Also, she had forgotten to stock up her locker with spare clothes after the last similar incident, but she wouldn’t be caught dead admitting that faux-pas anytime soon.

The hot water felt like a saving grace. Slowly, the stench of alcohol dissipated and was replaced with the fruity smell of her shower gel and shampoo. It was oh so tempting to stay under the soothing spray a little bit longer, but technically she was still on the clock and the longer she took to get back to the station to wrap up all the paperwork, the longer she would have to stay. Even though it was her father’s turn to cook tonight, she was still keen on being back for dinner.

Fumbling blindly for a towel, she stepped out into the steam-filled room. Yaz didn’t pay much attention to the process of getting ready, effectively drying herself off and reaching for her underwear until the mirror cleared up just enough for her to notice something.

“What the hell?!”

\--

Her head was still reeling when Yaz arrived back at the station. She didn’t have enough time to get to the bottom of it with work still waiting for her, so she had decided to put it on her overflowing  _ things-to-worry-about-later _ -pile. However it refused to stay there, instead creeping into her consciousness every other minute.

A tattoo. On her hip. 

And as with everything lately, she couldn’t for the life of her remember getting it. 

She barely spared her colleagues a glance as she rushed to her desk and immersed herself in bureaucracy, dead set on finishing her shift as quickly as possible before she could lose her mind for good.  _ ‘Compartmentalise _ ,  _ Yaz, you need to fucking compartmentalise and focus.’ _

It was hard and it took longer than she had wanted it to, but in the end she managed to file everything neatly away and hand the folder over to her boss. 

“Yasmin, you seem off today, is everything alright?”

If one more person asked her if she was okay, she would scream. No, she was decidedly not okay. Her head was being tortured with random bursts of pain, she got doused in alcohol by people barely older than herself, there was a tremendous gap in her memories and on top of it all she apparently had gotten a tattoo in the midst of said gap because she couldn’t bloody remember having one to begin with. 

Instead of spilling all that on Ramesh, Yaz gritted her teeth and forced a smile on her way out of his office.

“Just got some things on my mind, nothing to worry about. See you tomorrow.”

But worry she did, the whole way back home and then some. This was nothing like her, nothing at all. She really needed to get to the bottom of it all, to do some deep soul searching and jog her memories, yet as soon as she entered the flat she was roped into helping her father in the kitchen. 

Almost three hours later, she only found the first quiet minute when she closed the door to her room behind her for the night. Ignoring the faint residue of beer in the air and positioning herself in front of the mirror, she pulled up her shirt.

Yep, it was still there, unfortunately she hadn’t imagined it. 

The tattoo wasn’t big - maybe four centimetres in diameter - and made up of black lines. She turned her head in every direction possible, even almost knocking it into the mirror when she got too close, but she couldn’t make any sense of it. As a last resort, she pulled out her phone and took a picture, that being the only way of getting the actual perspective of it.

Yaz stared at the screen in her hand for a solid minute, however no revelation or grand epiphany came her way. It reminded her of something, an air of familiarity surrounding it, still she couldn’t put her metaphorical finger on it. Absentmindedly, she ran her real fingers over it, tracing the lines and feeling the soft welts on her skin. Her eyes widened in shock when realisation hit her.

This wasn’t new. The tattoo was fully healed, no scabs anywhere, the whole area was smooth to the touch. She didn’t know a lot about tattoos in general, but taking a guess, it was at least a few months old. 

Her head reeling again, she staggered backwards until her knees hit the edge of her bed and she sank down on the mattress. Panic started to rise up in her throat like bile. Why couldn’t she recall getting it? How many gaps were there in her memory? And most importantly: what had happened to her that she was unable to remember?

Burying her face in her hands, she fell back fully into her sheets. ‘ _ Get a grip and think, Yasmin, what is the last thing you actually remember?’ _

Through her fingers, Yaz stared at the plastic stars at the ceiling, willing them to provide her any kind of answer. A million things played over and passed by in her mind’s eye and she tried to catalogue them all - birthdays, work incidents, random fights with Sonya, the like - until it seemed there was nothing more to catalogue, categorise, and file away.

Her terrified whisper fell like a stone in the silence of the room. “No, that can’t be.”

The most recent thing she could recall was her friend Shelley’s birthday party which had been in September. It was June now.

There were no memories of Halloween, Christmas, New Year’s, no fireworks, no presents, not even her own birthday. She just simply couldn’t remember the last nine months of her life.

As a last resort she went through the calendar of her phone, searching for something, anything, that indicated she had actually lived through the past months. Empty. Apart from the automated birthday reminders no entries whatsoever were to be found.

Just as her heartbeat kicked up another notch and her hands started trembling in panic, her mind gave in, completely overwhelmed by everything, and everything went black.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the others make an appearance, finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything happens so much - Yaz, probably

_ A groaning sound filled the air and she furrowed her brows in confusion. There was nothing to see but sand and dirt, the sun beating down on her - no, them - relentlessly. She wasn’t alone, there were other people with her. _

_ That sound. Again. Wheezing. _

_ Right in front of her was the blond woman again, grey coat tails flapping in the wind, her right arm outstretched in front of her. The item in her hand glowed and buzzed, adding to the cacophony of sounds around them. _

_ As she looked around further, she noticed two people to her left. A black lad around her own age and a white guy she estimated to be around sixty, both looking awfully familiar. Before she could study their faces more, the wheezing intensified and she joined them both in looking into the direction of the blonde with a mix of curiosity and fear.  _

_ Right on top of the mound in front of them a blue box had materialised out of thin air. The woman was running up to it, excitement coming off her in waves, almost tangible despite the good thirty metres between them.  _

_ Slowly, the three of them followed suit, taking in the sight before them. _

_ Police public call box. _

The unforgiving beeping of her phone filtered into her consciousness, ripping her out of the desert-like surroundings and into her room. Only when Yaz fumbled for the offending device and subsequently knocked it to the floor, she noticed how wrong everything felt.

Her body felt stiff when she moved to rub the sleep from her eyes and she couldn’t help but groan at the protesting sound one or two of her joints made when she picked up her phone. Her fears were confirmed by the time on display - it had really been her usual alarm going off. Like a toddler she had gone out cold right there at the edge of the bed, just that this time around no parent had changed her into her pyjamas and put her into a more comfortable position. 

Maybe she was a bit embarrassed with herself.

While she brushed her teeth, flashes of her dream returned to her. That blond woman without a face again. She had made too many appearances by now for it to be a coincidence. And then there had been others this time around, one of the guys - the black one - definitely reminded her of someone she once knew.

As much as she wanted to get some actual and comfortable sleep in, she had to get ready for the day. The by now familiar throbbing behind her eyes accompanied her through her morning routine as if it had been there her whole life. Yaz felt some questionable pride at her adaptability to the most concerning things.

Twenty minutes later, and with the lunchbox she had prepared the day before firmly in hand, she slipped out of the still quiet flat and into the just as silent Sheffield morning. Yellow light drenched the Park Hill building in a golden hue and the coolness of the night provided the air with a crispness that almost smelt of new beginnings. 

It was all beautiful and poetic - until Yaz wandered into the parking lot to find her car boxed in. A continuous string of curses falling from her lips and echoing in the lot, she finally managed to climb in through the passenger door. Sometimes, a Tuesday turned out to be Monday’s annoying little brother.

To top it all off, an accident on the A61 forced her to take the longer and slower route through the city centre. She had a vague feeling deep in her stomach the universe might be out to get her today. That twisting sensation intensified when she passed the town hall.

Usually, she wouldn’t have spared it a glance, would’ve just passed it by, too busy looking out for rogue pedestrians or worse, cyclists, but like an invisible thread pulling on her ear, she turned her face to the left. She almost slammed the brakes when the points connected and pieces slotted into each other.

Sheffield’s green police box.

The blue police box in her dream.

The random lines on her hip assembling and shaping themselves right in front of her eyes to a stylised imprint of it.

She had a police box tattooed on her body - how, when, and most importantly: why? While Yaz wanted nothing more than to take a breather and park at the side of the road for a few moments to gather her wits again, the clock on her dash showed her that she had to reschedule her break down for another time.

Thankfully, the rest of the drive was smooth sailing and she even managed to catch up on lost time. With more than five minutes to spare, she decided to treat herself to a breather and something else she was in more than dire need of: caffeine.

Maybe it wasn’t the wisest decision considering she was already feeling jittery with nerves, but there was also bone deep exhaustion rearing its head inside her from the past two nights. Taking her chances, she stopped at Starbucks and went in for the kill.

A few minutes later and taking a tentative sip of her double espresso shot latte, she stood in the parking lot and regarded the Sinclairs on the opposite side of the street. Something weird stirred in her again, the by now familiar dull throbbing spreading slowly from the inside to the front of her forehead. If this kept happening, she soon would have to go see a doctor about it. 

A doctor.

_ “You a doctor, Ryan?” _

_ “No.” _

_ “Shame. I’m looking for a doctor.” _

Her head spun. Gripping the paper cup almost too tightly, Yaz made a beeline for the car and hit the driver’s seat just before dizziness could knock out her feet from under her.

Ryan Sinclair.

Yaz had been in primary school with him, she remembered that much. They had lost touch when they had gone to separate schools later on, which was nothing unusual, so why had he been in her dream?

In the end, she made her way from the parking lot to her locker in the station on autopilot. Someone could’ve held her at gunpoint and she wouldn’t have been able to recount her steps out of the car and through the front door. Unsure, she bit her lip. She really wasn’t fit for duty today.

Fortunately, one of the officers noticed her state and came to the same conclusion.

“Yasmin, I don’t wanna be rude, but y’look completely out of it.”

Closing her locker door, she cast her colleague a timid smile. “Yeah, ’ve been getting these sudden headache or migraine flashes since Sunday an’I dunno why. But don’ worry, I’ll manage.”

“Forget it, I’m not sending you out there like that. Go home, I’ll tell Ramesh when he comes in.”

Usually Yaz would’ve fought tooth and nail to stay and kept insisting that she could do her job nevertheless, but there was a strange, yet familiar voice in the back of her mind urging her to stay down and stop putting herself in danger.

When she finally gave in and nodded meekly, her colleague left her with a satisfied ‘ _ get some rest, see ya tomorrow hopefully _ ’ and a clasp on her shoulder. As soon as she was alone again, a lot of things happened simultaneously.

At first there was pain greater than any time before, greater than anything she recalled ever feeling in her life. It shot through her whole body like a hot and blinding white light, powerful enough to keep her from screaming out loud. She doubled over in her seat, folding in on herself and then-- it was gone.

Yaz gasped for air, sucking every bit of oxygen around her into her lungs, and carefully blinked her eyes open, not trusting the now pleasant buzzing in limbs that had completely replaced the searing and stabbing sensations as if they’d never been there in the first place.

_ The tattooist checked the purple lines on her skin over once again while she screwed the needle onto the machine. “I don’ exactly get why you’d want this tattooed, but I guess there’s a story behind it, innit?” _

_ “Hundreds.” _

An onslaught of pictures passed by in front of her eyes, an endless film of colours, first blurry but then turning into shapes and figures with every additional second, otherworldly sounds, the scenes constantly changing. Yet no matter how fast the images replaced each other, there was one constant among all of them.

Ryan, Graham, and the blond woman - the Doctor.

September last year, the Doctor had fallen through the roof of a train right in front of her nose and everything had changed. The four of them had travelled among the stars and ridden the time vortex as easily as breathing for countless times and yet… here she was, alone, nine Earth months later, hands pressed against the lockers in front of her to steady herself as the previously missing memories attacked all of her senses.

This wasn’t normal, even by their standards.

She had to check in on them, immediately. Knowing at least where to find Graham and Ryan, she quickly made her exit. Not having the slightest clue where the Doctor might be didn’t sit well with her, but one thing after the other, she told herself. The alien was probably already working on a way to fix all of this anyway.

As it had become a custom in the past forty-eight hours, a hundred thoughts were running through her mind at the same time; only this time they were joined by a constant stream of memories filtering back into the smallest nooks and crannies of her brain. Time couldn’t move fast enough for her right now, she had to get to them, maybe the Doctor was with them as well.

Hopefully she would finally get some answers to what was going on.

When Yaz was stuck at yet another traffic light, she almost regretted not taking the police car. Alas, she had to keep up the pretense that she was going home (and she probably would’ve felt too bad about misusing the siren anyway).

Countless intersections, traffic lights, and two eternities later, she pulled up in front of Graham’s house with fluttering nerves at last. Why was she that nervous all of a sudden? 

Oh, of course. Because she still had no idea what had happened and if she would even find them present. She should have called ahead.

Chewing on the inside of her cheek and scrolling through her contacts, she contemplated whether it was too late now to do exactly that. She got her answer in a way she clearly hadn’t bargained for: there wasn’t a single trace of their numbers on her phone.

Not Ryan’s, not Graham’s, not even the TARDIS phone.

If Yaz wasn’t sure before, she definitely would be now. Something weird had happened and scrambled with her head - her whole life, actually. There was no time to lose. 

As fast as her feet could carry her, she made her way to the front door, the sound of the bell giving a dull ring from inside the house. Seconds passed by and she was just short of ringing again, when there was some shuffling behind the door. From the tiny glass windows embedded in the wood she could already see who it was and her heart leapt.

When he opened the door, relief flooded her bloodstream at seeing her friend - in one piece as well! - and she didn’t even give him a chance to get a word in.

“Ryan, hi! Are you and Graham okay? Please tell me you know what happened.”

However, she was only met with a blank look. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

\--

Munching on a custard cream, the Doctor absently caressed the console with her free hand while staring at the monitor in front of her. She had spent the last twenty-two minutes, sixteen seconds, forty milliseconds, and three hundred and sixty two microseconds scanning for a distress signal of any kind within a radius of eighty-four light years and five millenia, but everything remained oddly silent. 

It felt wrong. 

Everything felt wrong, the silence outside the TARDIS and the silence inside just as much. Even the TARDIS herself remained quiet, not a single nudge of her presence in the back of the Doctor’s mind, only the faint amber glow of the surrounding crystals indicating that the ship was in fact still alive.

“No one needs us, can ya believe it? So, what’re we gonna do now, old girl?”

For what felt like ages - it was only three seconds and three hundred and one milliseconds, but she was impatient - the Doctor waited for her ship to reply. She filled the silence with a frustrated huff of her own.

“Alright, maybe ya don’ wanta talk to me, ‘s fine, I can live with that, bu’ I think I really fancy a trip to Malin 1. Whaddaya reckon a good time, eh?”

Still, the TARDIS not so much as beeped to signal that she had even listened to a single word the Time Lord had said. The Doctor glared first at the ceiling and then at her own reflection in the monitor. This incarnation of her was utter rubbish at dealing with unwanted quietness.

“Fine, go off I guess”, she huffed before catching herself, “wait, no, please don’ take this literally, will ya?”

Cocking her head from one side to the other, she fiddled with the dials, hoping the familiar cracking noises - did she need to oil that? nah, probably not - would send her some sort of inspiration. When she couldn’t decide between two centuries, she tossed an invisible coin in brain number fifteen. Satisfied with the outcome, she firmly put the dial into the right position. 

“Right-o! Nevermind, not saying that  _ ever  _ again, Malin 1, late 62nd century after Kerosniz it is then! Shoulda been enough time for them after my last visit to get the frozen jarkberry ‘n lime shake recipe just right. I really love me some good ol’ milk shake, me! Oh, that reminds me! Did I ever tell ya ‘bout that one time I accidentally--”

As she turned around to face the room, arms outstretched and gesticulating excitedly, the words died an abrupt yet still painful death on her tongue. No one to look at her expectantly, no one asking how the story went on, no one rolling their eyes fondly at her for going off on a tangent again.

This whole situation felt wrong.

The emptiness of the console room slowly but surely seeped into her body and nestled deep inside the miniscule gaps between the Doctor’s hearts. She mulled over the resulting feeling for a moment, dissected it and broke it down into miniscule pieces to get to the source of it, and to find a rational explanation. Yet when she stumbled upon the results, her usual triumphant  _ ‘Ha!’  _ died on her tongue just as well and found a shallow grave next to her previous rambling in a lonely corner between molar one and two.

She was lonely.

Oh, this wasn’t good. Being lonely? Okay, good, a normal emotion. Being the Doctor? Good, magnificent even most of the time. But being lonely  _ and _ being the Doctor? Not good, nope, very bad in fact. Being lonely most certainly always led to some sort of trouble, she had to remedy that as soon as possible.

But first--

“I  _ really  _ want that milk shake now.”

With more flourish than she actually felt deep down, the Doctor pulled the lever and the until now impassive TARDIS jolted into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, you can find me on tumblr 
> 
> pls tell me how you liked it, authors live off feedback <3


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz tries to jog the boys' memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some ppl already have theories and i'm begging you pls tell me, I need to knooooooowwwww

_ “Ryan, hi! Are you and Graham okay? Please tell me you know what happened.” _

_ However, she was only met with a blank look. “I’m sorry, do I know you?” _

\--

Yaz’s stomach dropped through at least the first outer layer of the Earth’s crust. So his memories were gone, too, and thus Graham’s probably as well. She prayed to the universe that maybe it would be enough to just gently poke at his brain to put everything back in order.

“I’m Yasmin Khan, maybe you remember me?”

The gears behind Ryan’s eyes started working, and with every passing second her hope grew that whatever was withholding his memories was falling apart piece by piece.

“Oh yes, Yaz Khan, we went to primary together!”

The only thing falling apart being Yaz’s fragile optimism, apparently. She heaved a sigh.

“May I come in? I need to talk to you - and Graham if he’s in - about something.”

He furrowed his brows in confusion. “How do you know Graham?”

“It’s a long story, so...”, Yaz put on her best smile and pointed wordlessly at the door with her head.

That prompted him to finally spring into action. “Oh, sorry. Come in.”

Taking in the familiar smell with a deep breath, Yaz completely forgot that she was a stranger in her friend’s eyes and directly made her way to the living room. If Ryan was bewildered by it, he didn’t let it show. 

By the sounds of it, Graham was pottering around in the kitchen, the recognisable banging of pots and his distinct humming giving him away. She had to sit down, her senses overwhelmed by her surroundings and all the memories tied to this place rushing in on her all at once. 

_ The Doctor scrunched up her face as she looked at Graham. “Sorry.”  _

_ “You broke my chair.” _

_ “Well, if you will leave chairs around the place…” _

_ The older man stared at her disbelievingly. “This is my front room!” _

So this was how it was going to be from now on, a new flood of memories coming at her from all sides as soon as she saw, smelled, or heard something? At least the accompanying headaches were gone now, but still. How much more was there, how many memories can a person make in nine months?

Wait, no. It had been nine months in linear time, but she had time travelled all over space and time - chances were high she had actually spent  _ more _ time with her friends. And yet here she was, sitting in Graham’s house with both men unable to remember her, and no idea where the Doctor was. The clenching pain in her heart was enough to make her eyes well up.

“We’re out of sugar, son, so for the ne--”

Taking another deep breath, Yaz took the lack of recognition in Graham’s eyes in stride and put herself back into action mode. There was a task at hand and she was determined to see it through.

“This is Yaz, we went to primary school together. She said she wants to talk to both of us.”

The older man looked from his grandson to her, surprised. “To me as well? Do I know you, love?”

Yaz couldn’t help the warmth spreading in her chest at the all too familiar way he addressed her; it didn’t matter that it was a common thing to do in Yorkshire. “Y’actually do, yeah. But it’s a long story an’ I think we should all get comfortable for that.”

They shared a glance between each other, still standing awkwardly in the room with her sitting on the sofa in front of them. Apparently they’d reached an agreement when Ryan shrugged and made his way to the armchair to her right and Graham made a move to get back into the kitchen.

“Then let’s get you a cuppa as well, eh? You probably heard we’re out of sugar, though.”

“Don’ worry, just milk, please”, she waved off his apologetic look, “thanks, Graham.”

Appeased and relieved, he turned to Ryan. “I expect you to be out of my seat when I return, son.”

With Ryan rolling his eyes at his grandfather, Yaz couldn’t help but smile at the familiarity of it all. Everything seemed so normal, as if nothing had changed at all - it was uncanny, if not unsettling. Again she couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to all of their memories and how everything was supposed to go on from here.

Before she could ponder things further and give herself another headache, Graham returned with a tray of mugs and biscuits, shooing Ryan out of his armchair with a practiced glare. Seeking and finding solace and strength in the warmth of the porcelain in her hands while simultaneously ignoring how the lack of custard creams on the plate made her sad, Yaz sat up a bit straighter.

‘Let’s hope this’ll work.’ 

\--

“I swear, I’m not making this up!”

Two sets of eyes regarded her with a mixture of disbelief and pity. The longer Yaz tried to make them believe her and jogg their memories and the longer her efforts turned out to be futile, she felt first traces of doubt crawling into her thoughts. What if she was just going insane and making all of this up?

Her eyes flitted through the room, searching for anything that might help her, something to latch onto and thrust into their faces. She found it on the mantelpiece.

“How did Grace die?”

The two men seemed adequately shocked about the sudden change of topic, both following her eyes to the framed photograph of said woman. Ryan’s defenses were the first to go up.

“What does it have to do with anything?”

Yaz knew that tone, had seen it often enough when she had accompanied an officer to talk to possible suspects or witnesses - that and Ryan’s body language screaming at her to leave him alone. She already hated herself for what she would do next.

With as much kindness in her voice as possible, she replied “It has to do with a lot. Please.”

“She fell.”

She didn’t miss a beat at his glare. “From what? Why?”

“Why’re you goin’ all police officer on me, Yaz?” 

Ryan didn’t like where this was going. He felt put on the spot as if he had done something wrong - by an actual police woman no less. Still, there was something inside him that tried to counterbalance the aversion inside him. From the moment he had opened the front door, he had felt weirdly at ease around his old school friend even though roughly ten years had passed since they’d last seen each other. It was strange. Not to mention all that stuff she had just told them about, all those adventures they’d supposedly been on - because those were proper mental.

“I’m trying to prove something to you, nothing more”, she looked at him with warm eyes, squashing his reluctance to talk about his nan for good.

“She fell down the stairs.”

“A wobbly ladder at the hospital.”

With both Graham and Ryan talking at the same time, it was hard to make out who had said what exactly, yet everyone in the room noticed one thing: they had given wildly different answers. While the two men looked at each other wide eyed and full of confusion, Yaz felt like she was ready to burst from elation. Not about Grace’s death, mind, but now there was something she could further dig her heels into.

“So, what was it now, stairs or ladder?”

“Ladder.”

“Stairs.”

As she noticed the tension growing between the two of them, Yaz quickly decided to direct their attention back to the actual problem at hand.

“So it seems you both got different memories as to what happened to Grace. How d’you think this can be? Cos I have a wildly different memory of that, too.”

“D’you mean you were there when she died?”

“We all were. Us three and the Doctor.”

“If your version included that Doctor you’ve been going on about, then I’m pretty sure you can’t be right, it would be too crazy.”

Taking the last sip of her tea, Yaz picked her words carefully. “It was the night we met the Doctor, who’d just fallen from the sky through the roof of a train we all were on--”

“See, that can’t be real, who falls from the sky an’ survi--”

Ryan put a hand on his shoulder. “Graham, let her talk.”

He looked at his grandson disbelievingly. “You believin’ her now?”

“No. I dunno. Bu’ something is wrong an’ maybe… Sometimes the weirdest things turn out to be true, don’t they?”

Shooting the young woman in front of him a tentative glance, Ryan was met with a beaming smile that pulled directly at his heart strings, playing an at the same time familiar and unfamiliar tune. He needed to hear the full story, if not for his sake, than for his nan’s. 

Silently, he gave Yaz a nod to continue.

\--

When the door fell closed behind their surprise visitor, a heavy silence stretched out between the two. The only rational explanation for everything they’d heard within the past two hours was that Ryan’s old school friend had somehow lost her mind since he’d last seen her. 

And yet.

“I don’t know about you, son, but I definitely need another cuppa, lack of sugar be damned”, Graham’s words broke the silence hanging in the air as he made his way back to the kitchen.

Ryan wordlessly watched him leave. He wasn’t sure what he needed or wanted at the moment, everything seemed off-kilter, as if the axis of his world had just been tilted by a few degrees. Not enough to have an actual tangible impact, but enough to make him feel slightly unsteady on his feet.

In the end, he found his way into the front room despite his unstable legs, where Graham was already waiting with a second steaming mug. 

“That sure was something, eh? I mean, I wish that was the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, but you can’t imagine half the things you see or hear as a busdriver, can ya?”

When Graham was met with silence again, he looked from his tea to his grandson. Ryan was just sitting there, holding the mug in a strong grip while staring off into space. For all Graham knew, he might be on one of those weird adventures his friend had been going on about.

Shaking his head, he turned on the telly. Ryan would talk to him again when he felt ready, he knew that much. Until then he could well occupy himself with whatever re-run the BBC had in store for him right now. 

However, the incorporeal voices only ended up a backdrop to his own thoughts going over his past few months with a fine toothed comb.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, everything had its place and time. Grace’s funeral, the shared and yet different grief about it with Ryan, both of them growing closer as a result, and in between all those seemingly mundane things which make up life. Grocery runs, poker nights with his mates, cussing out someone’s questionable driving skills, having a cuppa on a rainy day...

There was an undeniable comfort about this uneventful life, something he wouldn’t want to miss, yet he found himself unable to shake off that young woman’s - Yaz’s - stories, regardless of how fantastic and absurd he found them to be.

They were still sitting in silence, both hung up on their own thoughts, when their empty mugs had long been abandoned on the coffee table and the news rolled around at six. There was something both of them wanted desperately, unbeknownst to each other. 

They wanted to believe.

\--

Yaz had left her friends - were they even still friends when they couldn’t remember it? - with mixed feelings. It was clearer than the Sheffield sky that they didn’t believe her, and who could actually blame them. If it had been the other way round, she would’ve ushered them out of the flat after the first five minutes.

Yet somehow, despite everything, she also had the feeling that maybe something had gotten through to them, that all their different memories of Grace’s death had knocked a tiny dent into whatever was keeping the truth from them. Any driver knew how a tiny scrap in the glass could lead to the whole window splintering to pieces all of a sudden. 

Still sitting in the parking lot of her complex, she found herself mulling over something else, a tiny comment Graham had made.

_ “But I remember these past months!” _

Why did they have memories when she didn’t, what set her apart from the boys? It was just one of the many things that didn’t add up.

Yet.

Yaz was nothing if not determined to get to the bottom of things, preferably before she went proper insane with it all. Puffing out her cheeks, she contemplated her next move. She needed to find the Doctor, that much was obvious. But how was she supposed to do that when her phone had been wiped of all the numbers?

Her head fell back against the seat with a thump, the day’s events and the subsequent exhaustion slowly taking its toll on her. In no way was she ready to face her family just yet, but she was growing tired of sitting in the same spot for too long as well. Taking out her phone, Yaz opened the family chat in an attempt to make herself useful.

_ You [4:43 PM]: Is there anything we need for dinner? I can stop by the shop b4 I get back. _

For a long moment nothing happened, then the texts came in seemingly at once.

_ Mum [4:44 PM]: Definitely bread, thanks to your sister. _

_ Son [4:44 PM]: Y’s it always my fault??? _

_ Mum [4:44 PM]: I told you to pick some up on your way home and you forgot. Again. _

_ You [4:45 PM]: alright, cya later _

Even after closing WhatsApp, her phone wouldn’t stop buzzing, forcing Yaz to roll her eyes for good measure and putting it on silent. She was pretty sure that both of them were mere metres apart inside the flat, so they might as well fend it out without any technological aid.

So, she’d quickly buy some bread - something that felt like a deja-vu all of a sudden.

_ “I’ll go to the shop.” _

_ If she volunteered too quickly, nobody commented on it, her mother only giving her thanks in response without even looking at her. The keys already firmly in hand, she suddenly caught up to her in the hallway.  _

_ “And when you get back, you can tell me the truth about how you know the Doctor.” _

_ “Yeah”, she was barely able to contain the small smile forcing its way up her throat and to her lips as she took the offered tenner, “when I get back.” _

_ That seemed to be enough for her mother at the moment and she made her way back to the dining table. “Hurry up, will ya?” _

_ Her hand was already on the door knob, yet she still had to turn around one last time and take a mental photograph of her family, to freeze this moment. _

_ If only they knew what she was about to do. _

With the memory also came back the emotions which had been raging inside her that very moment. All that yearning for  _ more, _ without being able to name what exactly she wanted more of, that distinct worry about her family and the uncertainty if and when she would see them again, just everything. Everything but one - doubt.

And even now, even in these dire and confusing and uncertain times, Yaz found not a shred of doubt in herself. If she wouldn’t be able to find the Doctor, then the Doctor would inevitably find her - this was how it had always been and would be, she was sure.


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> despite their differences in what they remember and believe to be true, the Fam sticks together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chips, sarnies, milkshakes... this chapter is oddly food-centric

Yaz was nothing short of surprised, albeit pleasantly so, when she got a text from Ryan two days later asking if they could meet for chips some time. If work hadn’t given her the most social life killing shifts, she would’ve met up with him right that day. 

In retrospect, it was probably for the better as it gave both of them more time to mull things over. Every day, some random memories trickled back into Yaz’ consciousness and even though she had gotten used to it by now, it still weirded her out to a certain extent - mostly depending on the content. It was still hard to believe that all these fantastic and absurd things had really happened to her.

And oh how much she wanted them to happen again.

Now, on a by Sheffield standards uncharacteristically sunny Saturday evening, Yaz found herself sitting opposite her friend in a chippy of her choice - if it was Ryan’s favourite, it wasn’t completely accidental. The air was still filled with a certain awkwardness, both not knowing where and how to start, but Yaz couldn’t contain herself any longer, excitement making her almost vibrate off her seat.

It was such a Doctor thing to do, she couldn’t help but laugh internally.

“Does this mean ya b’lieve me?”

Ryan quirked an eyebrow amusedly. “Cuttin’ right to the chase, are ya?”

“Well, I got a hunch that y’re not here to reminiscence in memories of primary school.”

“‘S that copper’s nose, ya fit right in with ‘em.”

It felt like the first genuine laugh for her since she’d woken up that one fateful morning with her head filled with nothing but pain. Things were looking up, finally. The relief she felt at their shared banter was intoxicating, to say the least. The fact that their dynamic could survive memory loss, brain damage, whatever this was, was nothing but reassuring.

Yaz was just about to argue back at him, but she was interrupted by the cashier calling her name to pick up their food. The chips were immediately snatched out of her hands before she even had a chance to sit down. 

Humming with delight, a content grin spread over Ryan’s lips after his first bite. “How’d you know ‘bout this chippy, tho? I don’ think I’ve ever met anyone who knew this place.”

“Ya dragged all three of us here after that unplanned run in with the Alk’jophoe”, she explained with a shrug, “said you needed some decent chips after that particularly gruesome prison food they gave us.”

Instantly, the smile faded from Ryan’s face to be replaced with a somber look, and a wave of guilt washed over her for the sudden tension in the air. She was pretty sure her friend wanted to believe her, but she couldn’t imagine the feelings whirling inside him at being told all these amazing stories without having any recollection of living them. 

However they wouldn’t be sitting here if they wanted to beat around the bush and ignore the big TARDIS blue elephant in the room, would they?

“How’s Graham doing with all of this? I sure did throw a lot at you both there, and he were always the skeptic of the fam.”

“Fam, really? I were hoping that part was actually made up.”

Hearing the Doctor’s voice in her head clear as day, Yaz couldn’t help but smile, her gaze unintentionally shifting to the window as if said woman would materialise out there in two seconds. Sighing, she shook herself out of it, yet the longing smile stayed firm in place.

“She always called us her fam, sometimes Team TARDIS, but most of the time it was ‘fam’. And that was what we were - are - after all; we’re family.”

Ryan leaned back in the creaky plastic chair, a single chip twirling in his fingers as he contemplated her for a long minute. When Yaz didn’t waver under his scrutiny, he popped it into his mouth at last.

“I ain’t gon’ lie to you, this situation is proper weird an’ nothing ‘bout it makes any sense. I thought the things you said over an’ over but nothing came back to me. Zero. Zilch. Same for Graham. It makes things very hard to believe.”

A snort escaped her. Didn’t she know it. If it weren’t for the tattoo on her hip she’d suppose she was going crazy, too. 

The unfortunate stalemate they were in left her with a rank taste in her mouth not even the vinegar’s acid could erase. Sighing, Yaz pushed the remaining third of her food at Ryan, her appetite gone despite the truly delicious chips.

She waited until he had polished off everything so she had his full attention again before she asked what had been on her mind since she’d left Graham’s house days ago.

“But even if you never remember or decide I’m just a nutcase after all, can we still meet up from time to time - with Graham as well possibly? I don’ wanna lose what we had, y’know,  _ this _ ”, she gesticulated tentatively between the two of them, “even if I’m the only one who remembers that we had it. ‘M sitting on this whole pile o’ stuff that gets bigger with every passing day an’ the only people I could talk to about it don’t even believe me that they’re with me on this massive heap. I mean, it’s only been a few days since it all started coming back to me, but the thing is… it just doesn’t stop.”

Ryan cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy. “Whaddaya mean?”

“I keep on remembering new stuff by the hour, it’s just  _ so much  _ and it’s reached the point where I can’t keep up anymore and properly process it.”

“But it’s a good thing it’s all coming back, innit?”

“No, yes, both I guess”, Yaz put her face into her hands and groaned, “we had all these amazing adventures an’ did so much good throughout the universe and I will fight whoever tried to take that away from me, bu’ on the other hand all this knowledge makes life here so… dull. Boring.”

“So how d’we find your Doctor?”

“ _ Our _ Doctor”, she corrected automatically, barely registering the strange feeling in her chest at Ryan calling the Doctor hers, “and I wish I knew. I wouldn’t even know where to start, without the phone number we have no way to contact her.”

“That’s bleak.”

“Tell me ‘bout it. I just can’t sit around and wait for her to magically show up and save the day. Sure, it’s what she does best, but her timing...”, she trailed off, her gaze going outside the window again, the midsummer sun casting everything in golden hues on its way down.

It reminded her of the Doctor’s wild strands, making her heart slowly remember another kind of ache.

\--

“How’d go?”

Ryan had barely set a foot into the living room before Graham greeted him from the kitchen. 

“Good, ‘t were nice, went to my fav chippy. She said she knew it from when I dragged all of us there after some sort of adventure with some unpronounceable alien’s name.”

The older man stood in the doorway, drying a mug while regarding him for a moment, just to turn away again with a shrug. “Well, that certainly does sound like something you’d do.”

“Yeah, doesn’t it?”

“So you believe her now.”

It was a statement and not a question, which Ryan was thankful for. A question warranted an answer, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to say it out loud that yes, he believed his old school friend. Not to mention that he would help her find the Doctor if he just knew how to.

Not even waiting for a reply, Graham returned from the kitchen with two steaming mugs, placing one down in front of Ryan. 

After struggling with Grace’s death and each other - mostly from Ryan’s side, he was ashamed to admit - for quite some time, they had fallen into a routine and quiet understanding of each other. While his nan surely had wished for them to get along when she was still alive, he hoped she was still happy they’d managed at long last.

Both their eyes were resting on her picture on the mantelpiece when Ryan spoke up again, words calmly drifting through the tea’s steam like an ice boat at the North Pole.

“What about you?”

Taking a long swig to gain some time, Graham slowly tore his gaze away. There were more raw emotions in his eyes than Ryan thought he could handle right now, but they cleared away soon enough to make room for reflected soberness. 

“Everything in my head screams at all this nonsense, but then I look at Grace and they fall silent-- and I don’t know what to make of that yet.”

Ryan mulled over that for a moment until a grin spread on his face. “Easy. Y’actually wanna believe her, ya just too scared to admit it to yourself.”

“Since when are  _ you _ wise beyond your years?”, the older man rebutted, raising a disbelieving eyebrow.

Ryan rolled his eyes but bumped his grandfather’s knee amiably. “Since I’ve been at this point way b’fore you, old man. Try to keep up.”

\--

Ever since Yaz had left the chippy, she was feeling an unidentifiable sensation just beneath her ribcage. It was subtle enough to forget about it for a while, however as soon as she was alone, it snuck up on her again from the inside out, pressing against her chest like a yet-to-be-born explosion. It was unnerving and mildly frightening.

Staring up her bedroom ceiling, she brought a hand to her heart, just to feel its calm and steady rhythm beating against her. Everything was fine, she told herself, this was only her imagination running wild. Again.

Trying to take her mind off it, she went to prepare everything for the next day before getting ready for bed. The welcome routine lulled her into some sense of security, the whirlwind of the past days forgotten for a moment. When she found herself lying in bed again, she grabbed her phone as the last act of the day.

Just as she was about to text Ryan to thank him for the nice time and ask about hanging out again, the pressure in her chest came back to life, initially drawing in on itself like a dying sun before it exploded into a supernova, leaving Yaz gasping for breath at the abrupt sensation.

As if being transported to a different plane of existence all of a sudden, first the plastic stars and then her whole ceiling disappeared in front of her eyes and were  _ replaced with a futuristic grey and white hallway, she couldn’t even feel her mattress at her back anymore. A blinking metal device was on the floor not five metres away and she instinctively knew that it meant danger, her heartbeat kicking up instantly. _

_ Another sensation shifted into focus, the pressure on her chest spreading first to her right shoulder and then down her right side to her hips. For a second, Yaz was about to panic about being paralysed or having a heart attack, but then the source of it seemed to materialise in her vision out of thin air. _

_ A body was pressed up against her own, blond strands so close to her face she could smell the familiar mix of embers, motor oil and petrichor clinging to them. The Doctor. _

_ The memory of their encounter with the Pting weaseled its way back between Yaz’s synapses, slowly taking form and filling gaps she didn’t know existed. Yet the only thing that kept lingering on the forefront of her mind  _ when her bedroom ceiling swam back into focus was the warm body shielding her from imminent danger. 

\--

When the TARDIS finally came to a stillstand, it ended with the Doctor flat on her arse. She really needed to check the mechanics rather sooner than later, something was clearly amiss. Sure, she wasn’t the smoothest of drivers half of the time - thank the universe River wasn’t around to witness that admission or she’d never hear the end of it - but this ride had been a bit too bumpy even by her standards. There was something wrong and she couldn’t put her finger on it.

But first - milk shake!

The Doctor bounded to the door, but after taking one step out of the TARDIS she immediately rounded in on her again before she had even taken her first proper breath.

“What’s this about, eh? First, you don’ talk to me at all an’ then ya decide to dump me very very far from Malin 1, not only space bu’ time-wise as well! Do I need to calibrate ya temporal shift driver again?”

Glowering at her ship’s stubborn silence, she decided to get a closer look at her where and whenabouts from inside and pushed the door--

Nothing. The door didn’t budge one millimetre in any direction.

The blond alien closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then another. And another. There was an enormous ball of anger pulsing inside her ribcage (it was bigger on the inside, too), mixing and mingling with all the other unpleasant emotions she was experiencing anyway and any day, but this wasn’t the time and the place for that. She gave the wood a halfhearted hit with the side of her fist and slumped her shoulders in defeat.

“Fine, ‘ave it your way then! Be mad at me for whatever reason you refuse to tell me, see where this’ll leave us in the end.”

Knitting her brows in contemplation, the Doctor surveyed her surroundings. This looked all too familiar, but then again there was only so much of time and space you could visit - and sometimes save from impending doom - until most of it appeared recognisable. That wasn’t to say that she’d seen everything there was to see, oh no, however there were repeating patterns throughout the universe that she could pick up on like the rhythm of a poem. Which in itself was a beautiful thing, leading on one hand, to never feeling like a stranger and on the other, to absolute glee and excitement when something just didn’t fit into those patterns.

Yet, this place definitely gave off a been-here-before vibe accompanied by a nope-I-shouldn’t-be-here vibe. This combination almost exclusively meant trouble for her.

While solid half of her brains got to scouring through her memories to check if there were any personal failings connected to this place, she searched the solid ground for something to help her get a read on her situation. It wasn’t by far her favourite, but in the end she settled for a handful of gravel.

Chewing thoughtfully on the little stones, the alien offered lengthy apologies to each and every one of her teeth internally.

“Okay, so… Earth, Great Britain, easy. And a bit predictable of you, old girl, if I might say so. Going by the mineral distribution ’m guessing late 2010s, an’ when I say guessing I’m actually not guessing at all cos I’m always right, me”, she pushed the tiny rocks from one cheek into the other, “Oh, wow, that’s a lotta iron, no wait, steel. I know that steel. We’re in--”

Instinctively her hand felt for the sonic in her coat pocket, eyes wide. 

“Sheffield.”

The Doctor froze on the spot. That definitely hadn’t been her own voice saying that. 


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get shaken up, quite literally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> got a big fat migraine so I totally know how Yaz must be feeling most of the time

Summer this year was treating Sheffield unusually well. Apart from some intermittent showers, the sun shone through what little clouds were even there, blessing the people with record temperatures in the twenties. Yaz knew this was all due to global warming but she had decided that at least for today she’d stop feeling guilty about it and would enjoying it.

Next to her on the blanket were Ryan and Graham, short of starting a squabble about the last sarnie, and she felt the most relaxed she had been in the past two weeks. If it weren’t for the empty spot to her right side, she would consider this one of her truly happy moments - so she settled for just being content this time around.

Staring up at the sky, she contemplated the small fluffy clouds for shapes and figures. She and Sonya had done this lots of times when they were little, so with the boys still acting like children, she might as well indulge in this pastime. 

“‘Ave ya ever heard of sharing is caring? Grace didn’t raise you like that!”

“Oi, don’t ya dare bring Nan into this!”

“Then at least gimme half, y’know you had more than I di--”

A loud snort disrupted their bickering, both men turning their heads towards the source of it and regarding their friend with raised eyebrows.

“We entertaining enough for ya, love?”, Graham huffed with a hint of indignance.

It took a second for Yaz to realise he was addressing her. She faced her friends slowly, blinking rapidly to adjust her eyes. “What? Sorry, ‘m not laughing at you, I swear, even tho it’d be more than fair, to be honest.”

“What’s so funny then?”

“See that cloud over there?”, she pointed at a particularly tattered one, “It looks like this beautiful flower on Pravellion, bu’ the Doctor forgot to tell us that it spews super sticky pollen as soon as you touch it, an’ guess what Mr. Sinclair did. Got himself covered in glittery alien rainbow pollen, looked for days like he’d been on a Pride parade.”

Yaz had barely been able to recount the story with a straight face, the picture of Ryan’s face seconds after it had happened all too vivid in her head. The looks she got for her efforts still contained traces of that pity and doubt she had first received the first time around at Graham’s, but they didn’t phase her as much by now. 

Ryan held his hands up. “Y’know what, ‘m glad I don’t remember that.”

“I’d say the same thing if I were you”, she smirked from where she was still lying on her back, “tho I can assure you it improved ya looks massively.”

Before her friend could throw the sandwich at her in retaliation, Graham finally saw his chance and snatched it right out of his hands, taking a big bite. Ryan’s eyes were even bigger than during the pollen incident, causing Yaz to stifle a rather untypical giggle with her fist.

“You didn’t! Aren’t ya supposed to be the grown up here?!”

Graham just shrugged, practiced innocence firmly in place. “Tell Yaz to make less amazing sarnies and I can resume me role as designated adult.”

“Oi, don’t put the blame on me now!”, she gaped at him before a grin over the compliment won the fight and made its way to the surface. 

The wind cast a soothing melody through the trees and ruffled the grass around them, it really was a summer’s day by the book. Just as Yaz was about to close her eyes, she felt that tingling sensation on her skin again. This time, it was concentrated on the outer side of her right arm, spreading all the way from her shoulder down to her hand. If she wasn’t completely mistaken, it felt like another hand entwining with her own.

She sat up again with a sigh. These phantom touches still weirded her out from time to time, moreso when they weren’t accompanied by a complimentary visual flashback. 

“You alright, love?”

“Yeah, I’m actually really good.” It didn’t feel forced or like a lie, so when Yaz took a second to examine the sentiment, following it right down to its and subsequently her core, she found that she was happier with everything than she had given herself credit for.

A companionable - even with Ryan still glowering at his grandad - silence fell over them as they watched the sun unhurriedly make its descent over Sheffield. Slowly, the invisible hand detached itself from Yaz’s, leaving her with a feeling of cold loss on her skin and hot longing in her heart. Before she could go down that rabbit hole of what it all was supposed to mean now, Graham spoke up again.

“Getting kinda cold, innit? Time to call it a day I guess.”

While Yaz would’ve loved to stay just a little bit longer until the sun had completely disappeared behind the hills, she could feel the breeze picking up as well, coating her skin in goosebumps and making her shiver just a bit too much to be comfortable. 

Reluctantly she started packing up, arranging every box and bottle inside her bag while the boys did the same. Just as she was folding up the big blanket with Ryan’s help, her ears picked up something over the rustling leaves. It was hard to place and she looked over to her friend to see if he was hearing it too, but his face remained impassive.

She was tempted to just shrug it off, however it grew louder and more prominent by the second, the wheezing and groaning pulling at her heartstrings and--

Dropping the blanket, Yaz ran.

\--

Yaz didn’t know what was louder, her heartbeat or her feet pounding on the ground, yet nothing was able to drown out the wheezing of the TARDIS - that had to be it, her, right? Just as she was almost on top of the hill, the noise stopped and her feet with it. 

A sudden outburst of nerves came over her, so she decided to use that moment to catch her breath, sucking in large gulps of air to calm her racing heart. In the distance, she could hear her friends calling after her, and she contemplated if she should wait for them to face the inevitable behind the hilltop.

She had already decided against it before she had even finished that line of thought. 

There was still that little bit of doubt in the back of her mind, hissing at her that she had probably only made it up and there was no TARDIS and no Doctor anywhere to be found. She wouldn’t be able to look Ryan and Graham in the eyes anymore if she roped them up there with big promises just to find nothing but trees and a better view of the city.

No, she was taking those last steps on her own and face the consequences on her own.

With bated breath, she took the last steps up.

She could hear her before she saw anything, Yaz’s rapidly beating heart seemingly coming to a stop at it.

Bit by bit, the top of a blue police box -  _ the _ blue police box - came into view and with it an all too familiar figure as well. The blonde was standing with her back to Yaz, but there was no mistaking it was the Doctor, down from her dark roots to the soles of her boots. If she hadn’t been sure before, she definitely would’ve been as the woman bent down to pick up a handful of gravel and subsequently shove it into her mouth.

Yaz winced in sympathy with the Doctor’s teeth, shaking her head. Some things just didn’t seem to change. Step by step, she walked up closer, finally able to make out the words the blonde was mumbling around her mouth’s odd contents.

“...an’ when I say guessing I’m actually not guessing at all cos I’m always right, me”, Yaz could barely contain a snort, “Oh, wow, that’s a lotta iron, no wait, steel. I know that steel. We’re in--”

“Sheffield.”

The word escaped from between her lips before Yaz had even noticed its presence in the back of her throat. For a long second nothing happened and she thought that she maybe hadn’t been loud enough, holding her breath as even the wind came to a standstill around them.

When the Doctor spun around to face her at last, Yaz was ready to cry from happiness. Finally, there she was again, her favourite alien with her blue box, the ultimate proof that she hadn’t been going crazy these past weeks.

If her mind was playing tricks on her now, she would admit herself voluntarily.

Part of her wanted nothing more than to fling herself at the Doctor, to engulf her in a bone crushing hug and feel for herself that everything was real, that everything was going to be okay from now on. Yet something in the way the alien held herself kept Yaz’s feet planted firmly to the ground. There was no blinding grin, no exuberant flailing, no exclamation of her name.

Staring into the Doctor’s unblinking eyes, something occurred to her, something crucial she had failed to consider up until now. 

What if the Doctor’s memories had been wiped too?

Everything about her posture screamed that she was ready to run at any given moment, her eyes rapidly scanning Yaz’s face for something as she held the sonic with an iron grip. It was a heartbreaking sight. Taking a deep breath, Yaz decided to go about this as if the woman in front of her was a frightened animal - knowing how skittish she could be sometimes, the comparison wasn’t that far off right now.

Slowly but deliberately, Yaz inched forward, her hands always in plain sight for the Doctor to convey she wasn’t a threat. 

“Doctor, it’s me, Yaz, we--”

Before the blonde got the chance to say anything let alone Yaz could finish her sentence, the ground started to shake violently under their feet, a strange sort of electricity filling the air and making the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

The Doctor made a grab for the TARDIS to steady herself, face coming alive with dread and a hint of panic she usually managed to hide more effectively. “Oh stars, that’s not good, not good at all, very bad actually, no no no--”

The ground broke open with cracks of increasing size, causing Yaz to jump and run from one spot to the other, her feet carrying her instinctively closer to the safe haven that always was the TARDIS. She was only an arm’s length away from the Doctor now, but still she had to raise her voice over the ground’s aching uproar.

“Doctor, what’s happening?”

Hazel eyes caught hers and it felt like the alien in front of her was finally  _ seeing _ her. If she hadn’t felt the danger in the air around them, she would’ve jumped from relief and joy. Also, something - or rather someone - else caught their attention.

Graham and Ryan had finally made their way up the hill, clearly struggling in more way than one now, eyes wide - if from the sudden earthquake or the sight of the blue police box in front of them, Yaz couldn’t tell. Despite better judgement, they kept on making their way up to them, the unsteadiness of the ground making it especially hard for Ryan.

The Doctor looked back and forth between the boys and her, a million cogs turning behind her forehead so loudly Yaz was sure she could hear the grating noises. Just as they were getting close enough to hear Graham’s unwavering complaints, the Earth’s shaking increased once more. 

Not only that, from between the trees figures started to emerge and shuffle into their direction, absolutely unbothered by the ground breaking away under them. This finally spurred the Doctor into action again, her decision making process forced to an premature end.

“Inside, the lot o’ ya, now!”

Yaz had already one foot in the TARDIS when she heard Graham’s protests behind her.

“Into that box? No way we’re gonna fi--”

Groaning, she stepped back and grabbed him by his sleeve. “Graham, not now! C’mon, I told you ‘bout the TARDIS, get in!”

With the two men safely inside, she immediately turned to look for the Doctor. She was standing a few feet away, brandishing her sonic at the advancing creatures and cursing under her breath when she took in the readings. But before Yaz could call out for her to hurry up, she was already coming at her and pushing her inside by her shoulders.

The sudden contact burned through Yaz’s shirt for irrationally long seconds.

The doors fell closed behind them with a loud bang, the Doctor raising her head to the ceiling, a mix of frustration and relief on her face as she huffed “Opening the doors not one second too late there, girl. We still hav’ta have a serious conversation ‘bout ya antics, I swear.”

As she passed them by, the two men shot each other and then Yaz a worried look. “Who’s she talkin’ to now?”

“The TARDIS”, was all she could reply, her voice barely above a whisper as she took in the ship in front of her in quiet reverence. The orange light seemed to pulse in greeting at her, a soft warmth spreading out from inside her mind down to her fingertips. “I think she’s happy to see us.” 

“What’re you ta--”

Graham was interrupted by the ship starting to shake around them and the Doctor shouting over the noise. “Everyone hold on tight!”

As usual, the warning came a tad too late, and an especially violent lurch almost sent them sprawling. The familiar rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins in an instant, Yaz had half a mind to see her disoriented friends to the next best pillar. With her heart almost beating out of her chest - it couldn’t be healthy how positively giddy this situation made her feel - she made her way over to the console.

“What were those creatures? Are we safe now?”

“Not now, Yaz, ‘m busy shakin’ ‘em off”, the Doctor growled through gritted teeth, her knuckles white from the tight grip they held on the levers, “need at least three quarters of me brains for that - oh, ‘n me left kidney, ne’er forget the left kidney.”

Yaz really wanted to argue (and ask what her kidney had to do with flying the ship), but the crease between the blonde’s brows deepened further as a dark look passed over her face and the TARDIS began to shake once more. Careful not to fall over with her unsteady feet, Yaz pushed herself off the console and made her way over to Ryan and Graham who were sitting on one of the steps, each holding onto the closest pillar. 

Both men looked properly out of their depth, Yaz observed, but she couldn’t blame them one bit. For them, it felt like their very first TARDIS rodeo after all. Gracelessly, she plopped down between them and made herself as comfortable as possible once she found something to hold onto herself.

“So, how freaked out are ya?”


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor realises the extent of what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Excuse me, I'm too impressive to forget!" - The Doctor, probably.

_ “So, how freaked out are ya?” _

________

Two sets of eyes with matching looks of disbelief and panic flicked to her, Ryan finding his voice first.

“How the hell ‘re ya that chill? We’re in a gigantic police box that’s doin’ God knows what! ‘N then there’s this strange woman messing ‘round and making everything worse it seems!”

“Like I told you, that”, she looked back at where said woman was dancing round the console in a frenzy, grinning despite the seriousness of the situation, “is the Doctor. And whatever it is, it’ll be alright at the end of the day.”

With a deep and resounding dong, the TARDIS stopped shaking. Immediately, all eyes went to the woman in front of them, her hands propped up on the edge of the console and head hanging low between rigid shoulders.

A curtain of blond hair was shielding her face from their inquiring gazes, but the Doctor knew all too well that she would have to move sometime and face them. She could already feel a nervous tingle making its way up from her right toes, urging her to move and get to the bottom of this mess. The TARDIS brushed tentatively at the edges of her mind, sending pictures of hope and optimism her way, all with an apologetic underlayer she chose to ignore for the time being.

An unexpected touch to her shoulder sent her flinching away immediately. She had been so engrossed in her own thoughts she hadn’t noticed Yaz making her way over to her. Yaz, who was back in her TARDIS. With Graham and Ryan, who were also back. 

Not to mention  _ they _ were back just as well.

Pointedly ignoring the hurt look on Yaz’s face, she turned to the room as a whole, cheerful grin firmly in place. “Alright, who fancies a trip to Barcelona? ‘M pretty sure I promised ya a trip there sometime, the planet, not the city on Earth!”

While the boys’ faces stayed completely blank and stared at her as if she had grown at least another head - she hadn’t, had she? the temptation to check her shoulders was definitely there - Yaz’s eyes were a whirlwind of emotions. The Doctor was getting whiplash just from looking into them for too long. 

“So… you remember us?”

Three simple words.

One question.

Laden with a hundred implications, accusations, and all the other -ations she was unable to recall right now under her friend’s piercing stare. For as simple as the question was, there was no simple answer to it. Still, she decided to make it that.

As casually as she could, she nodded her affirmation.

At the Doctor’s wordless reply, a weight fell from Yaz’s shoulders heavy enough to crash through the ship’s floor right into the time vortex. At least that was where she presumed they were currently. While she couldn’t shake the nagging feeling at the back of her head that she definitely needed to know what or who those creatures had been and if the rest of Sheffield would be safe, there was a more pressing matter at hand for her.

Swallowing the hurt she still felt at the blonde flinching away from her like that, Yaz put her foot down. “Where’ve you been? We’ve been sitting ducks for weeks, the TARDIS’ phone number is gone from all of our phones, an’ Ryan and Graham can’t remember anything ‘bout our time together! Can you please explain what’s going on?”

The Doctor’s face scrunched up in confusion, her eyes flitting back and forth between the woman in front of her and the men still sitting wide-eyed on the steps further off behind them. 

“They don’ remember bu’ you do?”

“Yeah, well, kinda. Woke up one morning in me bed with a massive head wonk an’ then figured out I couldn’t remember anything about the past nine months”, as the crease between the Doctor’s brows deepened, she hastily added, “linear time.”

“An’ then everything jus’ came back?” The Doctor looked at her as if she was just short of whipping out a stethoscope to check her over. A thought that had no right to make Yaz’s nerves flutter the way it did.

Swallowing hard under the alien’s piercing gaze, she banished her unruly thoughts and explained “Not just like that, I got all these weird dreams an’ sometimes flashbacks I didn’ understand in the middle of the day, set off by God knows what. Then one morning it were like a dam breaking and I started remembering all this stuff. It felt like my head were split in two everytime something came back to me.”

Hazel eyes softened at the last part, the analytical and inquiring look replaced with sympathy. Yaz noticed the Doctor raising her hand as if to grab for hers, but she aborted the motion halfway, apparently thinking better of it.

“Oh Yaz, I’m sorry. Sounds awful.”

Still staring at the offending hand as if to will it into finally holding hers, Yaz just shrugged halfheartedly. “Nothing you can do about it, can ya? I still get these flashbacks from time to time, but at least the pain’s gone now. I’m just glad to have everything, well almost everything, back. To have  _ you _ back.”

She could practically hear the Doctor swallow hard at that last addition, making her want to eat her words and then let the ground swallow her whole. Where had this come from, now?

Always finding a way to maneuver herself out of an emotionally charged situation, the Doctor cleared her throat awkwardly and walked over to the rest of the fam who had followed the conversation with an increasing mixture of interest and concern. Yaz really didn’t like the look Ryan shot her over the Doctor’s shoulder, not one bit.

Coming to a halt barely two feet away from their faces, the blonde pulled the sonic out of her pocket and waved it around in front of the two men, buzzing it and illuminating their confused and irritated faces in a faint yellow hue.

“What’s that thing now?” Graham tried to push it away from his face.

“Oi, that’s my sonic, don’ talk ‘bout it in that tone! Got us outta lots of trouble often enough.”

“Trouble you got us into in the first place.”

“Oi!” was all the Doctor came up with against Yaz’s comment, knowing fully well that the young woman was more than right. Still, didn’t mean she had to like it.

As she got busy studying whatever information the tool gave her, tongue peeking out the corner of her mouth in deep concentration, Ryan leaned to the side to look around the Doctor’s body at Yaz. “It ain’t dangerous, is it?”

Before she could reply with more than a shake of her head, the alien turned to them again, tapping the sonic against the side of her right thigh in a nervous fashion.

“You don’ remember me, like, actually? Should I be offended? Yaz, I think I’m offended.”

It was more than clear she was trying to lace some humour into the seriousness of the situation, to ease just an ounce of weight off everyone’s shoulders. If it helped the Doctor to feel better about this mess, Yaz was willing to play along for a bit. Maybe it would help herself just as much.

“Seems you’re not that memorable after all, huh?”

The Doctor gaped at her as if she had just eaten the last custard cream in existence right in front of her - without offering to share. “Oi, particularly snarky today, are we?”

Grimacing, Yaz realised her words might have sounded way harsher than intended. Everything was catching up to her it seemed, grating away on her composure for good now. She needed some rest, maybe for twelve hours, that would do her the world of good. However she knew sleep wouldn’t find her until something else had been taken care of.

“But what about those creatures now?”

“Ah, jus’ forget about that, nothing to worry about!”, came the prompt reply, just a bit too much cheeriness in the Doctor’s words for Yaz to buy it.

She scoffed, arms crossed tightly across her chest. “I think I’m done with forgetting stuff at the mo, thanks. Tell me at least whether Sheffield is in any danger, then you can sweep this under the rug as you tend to to do with unpleasant things.”

Immediately, the facade the blonde had put up crumbled in on itself, yet she tried to keep the upper hand despite being so blatantly called out as she mumbled, “Dunno what ya talkin’ about.”

“Yaz is right, Doctor. Ya can’t whisk us away like that and don’ expect us to not worry about the safety of our people”, now Graham piped up as well.

“‘Specially not Yaz, she has actual proper family in case  _ you  _ forgot”, Ryan added, casting the alien a clearly unimpressed look.

She cast her eyes downward at the unexpected scolding. “Ya used to call me ‘Doc’”, then, after a beat, “You really forgot everything.”

“We can keep on calling you Doc, if it makes things better”, he offered noticing her crestfallen expression.

“‘S not the same.”

For a moment, the Doctor looked so small, so lost in the vastness of the console room, that Yaz had to rally every ounce of willpower to not reach out for her. No, she had to stand her ground now, the Doctor had to learn that there were certain things she just couldn’t and shouldn’t keep hidden from them.

Also, she wouldn’t be able to bear it if she flinched away from her touch again. 

Why did she care so much about that? The Doctor had never been the most tactile person to be around, why did some little voice in the back of her mind scream at her that it should be different?

Yaz needed something to clear her head, something physical to hold onto, to give her some semblance of control and remind her that this was real. “Okay, let’s head to the kitchen, nothing a cuppa can’t fix, right?”

The Doctor immediately perked up at this, reminding her of that moment she had invited her to tea at hers on a whim, seeing how unhappy the blonde was about the prospect of being alone again. 

_ “Are you two seeing each other?” _

_ “Don’t think so… are we?” _

_ “We’re friends!” _

Yaz felt her face heat up at the awkward moment replaying in her head. Not to mention the memory of later that night when she was lying in her room in the TARDIS, staring at the plastic stars the ship had extracted from her mind and incorporated there, mulling over how and why the Doctor had been so confused about her mother’s question. And how she herself hadn’t been able to give a simple and unambiguous  _ no _ the same way she had done when the question had been directed at Ryan.

Something told her she had found the answer a while back but it was still somewhere in a pile with all the other missing memories.

Her feet carried her into the closest kitchen - there were at least three others she knew of - with the others hot on her heels, just to find the kettle already brewing. Gently, she placed a hand on the closest wall and gave an unspoken thanks to the TARDIS. God, how she had missed this ship.

Five silent minutes later, they were all sitting at the table with steaming mugs in their hands and a plate of custard creams between them. If it weren’t for all the slumped shoulders and general insecurity how to act around each other, it could’ve been one of their usual pre- or post-adventure moments.

Beside Yaz, the Doctor had started to anxiously bop her leg up and down, clearly uncomfortable in this whole situation but unsure how to proceed. It was a rare and decidedly not good look on her. This time, when she placed her hand on the blonde’s knee to stop her from causing enough vibrations to make something topple down the table, she didn’t flinch away. She did, however, go completely still and started biting her lower lip.

Before she could make too much of it, Yaz decided to get back to the most pressing matter at hand. “So, again, these creatures.”

The look on the Doctor’s face didn’t sit right with Yaz. It was the same look she sported when she was going over everything she knew about something and decided what was the minimum share of information or confessions she could get away with. 

“Sheffield’s safe, don’t worry”, only when the Doctor looked into the dubious faces around her, prompting her silently to give them just a bit more, she added nonchalantly, “‘S me they’re after.”

To Yaz’s surprise, it was Ryan who spoke her thoughts out loud. “So, what can we do to stop them from gettin’ you?”

As tiny as the smile playing around the blonde’s lips was at his concern, as big was the sadness she tried to hide behind it and the subsequent shrug. “Nothin’ much, tryna shake ‘em off for a while now, they’re hard to throw off.”

“So how--”

“Really, don’ worry, we should all be safe an’ sound for a while now, eh?”

The frustrations from all previous times their genuine questions and concerns had been brushed aside kept Yaz going. If they weren’t getting answers in that regard, she would ask about something else. God knows there were enough questions running around her head to fill conversations for weeks and weeks. This or any other way, she was getting some answers today.

Trying to not get her subtle irritation get the best of her and scare the Doctor off, she asked as kindly as she could, “Will Graham and Ryan ever get their memories back like I did?”

The Doctor contemplated the question, lips pursed and frown firm in place. “How can ya be sure this isn’t just a dream right now ‘n when you wake up you’re back in your bed, ready to tackle ‘nother shift at work?”

Yaz’s stomach churned at the mere thought of that suggestion. “Doctor! Cut the crap, ‘s not funny, like, at all!”

“Really, Doc, I don’t think I could come up with a dream like that if I tried”, Graham interjected.

“You’d be surprised what a human brain is capable of. Bu’ yeah, sorry, were tryin’ to lighten the mood a bit”, the Doctor sighed next to her, “Still not very good at it, it seems.”

“If this means there was a time you were even worse, I might be glad I don’t remember it”, Graham added jokingly, but it fell just as flat as the Doctor’s try. 

Another round of uncomfortable silence fell across the room. Ryan was the first to break after a minute that felt like half an eternity, asking if there was any possibility for him to take a kip somewhere around.

The Doctor sprung up from her seat, more than ready to see an end to the whole conversations. “Yeah, yeah of course, you lot really should get some sleep. The TARDIS will show you to your rooms, no problem.”

Yaz wasn’t that easily swayed.

“There’s something I still gotta know, Doctor, otherwise I probably won’t find much sleep anyway”, immediately she was met by the alien’s tense expression, “Why didn’t you come to fin--”

A violent lurch interrupted her and send everyone sprawling in a mess of limbs, empty mugs clattering to the floor around them and bursting upon impact. A cacophony of sounds whirled around them until the characteristic landing dong of the ship fell over the room. 

After checking her friends were still in one piece, Yaz cast an alarmed look at the Doctor, rubbing her sore arm with a groan.

“Doctor, why’ve landed? Where are we?”

“Dunno, I didn’ put in any coordinates,  _ I _ ”, she gave a half-hearted glare at the ceiling as she heaved herself upright, careful not to get any shards pressed into her skin, “set us to drift through the vortex.”

“This can’t be good then, can it?”

Somberly, the blonde looked beyond the kitchen door where all the answers were waiting for them. “It rarely is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know how you liked it, how your theories are coming along, anything is <3


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> their trip starts off as usual (unfortunately) and Yaz gets a crucial memory back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> currently switching between spiced biscuits and fried onions straight outta the tub and if I weren't a lesbian ace whose last contact with an actual d*ck had been ages ago I might be worried
> 
> yes, y'all needed to know that

Anticipation hung heavily in the air as the Doctor studied the monitor for any clues as to where they had landed and why. Quick fingers moved over the screen and various dials, twisting, turning, swiping and zooming on the quest for any kind of answer.

“Huh.”

The three humans crowded behind her to get a look at the monitor themselves as if they were able to make sense of anything they were seeing. “What is it? Where’re we?”

“Seems like we’re on one of Xhalloras’ moons”, the Doctor frowned, only then realising that her companions needed a bit more information to put this tidbit into perspective, “Xhalloras is part of the Epitaneko solar system which is part of the Fried Egg Galaxy, about seventy-two million light years away from Earth-- What?”

As she turned around, she was met with raised eyebrows and barely contained grins. “Fried Egg Galaxy?”

“Oh don’ look at me like that, your lot gave it that name! We could call it NGC 7742 just as well, bu’ that’s quite a mouthful, dontcha think? Which reminds me of that one time I saved a planet by winning an egg eating contest! Not just any eggs, mind you, they were more like Earth’s ostrich eggs as the most famous bird on that planet’s the size o--”

She trailed off when she noticed her three friends had started talking among themselves. Rude.

“D’you think this has anything to do with where we are? I don’ see any eggs on the screen”, Graham inquired with visible confusion.

Yaz waved him off, not even slightly perturbed by the Doctor’s rambling. “Nah, she just accidentally went off on a tangent. It happens, you get used to it quite quickly. One time she actually got us out of trouble by running her mouth - to be fair, we wouldn’t ‘ave been in trouble in the first place if she’d just stayed quiet -, practically lulling our prison guards to sleep by recounting all the times she had picked up any lost alien and took them back to their respective home planets in great length and detail. The first guard caved in after story number five, the other one were a bit more enduring ‘n took until number seventeen and-- Why’re you looking at me like that?”

Amusement was plainly written on the faces of the two men with the younger one barely able to suppress a snort. At Yaz’s growing bewilderment, Ryan finally gave up his efforts and laughed out loud.

“Ya actually sounded just like the Doctor!”

“I did not, I-”, she turned around to face said woman in the hope for some help, but she was pressing her lips tightly together in an attempt not to join in on the hilarity. 

Yaz would have felt mocked if it hadn’t been for the uncharacteristically open display of fondness in the Doctor’s eyes. Crossing her arms over her chest, she felt her exasperation waning the longer she looked at the woman beside her.

“Anyway, ‘re we gonna go out there an’ see what’s up or d’ya wanna keep on laughing at me for a lil while longer?”

“Whatever you say, Mini-Doc.”

“Oi!”

At the joint indignant exclamation of the two women, Ryan finally found himself in stitches and even Graham started laughing. While Yaz was still busy rolling her eyes for good measure, the blonde had turned her attention back to the monitor in front of her, muttering under her breath as swift fingers made quick work of the images on the screen.

“This doesn’t seem half right, you lot stay in while I have a quick look around to see what’s up.”

Yaz planted herself in her way long before she could even reach for the door handle. “Doctor, as if. We’ve never left your side before and we won’t start now.”

“‘N here I were hoping with two of you not remembering this, that I could get you to stay put and safe for a little while longer than usual”, the blonde huffed, trying to step around the younger woman who didn’t even think of budging an inch.

“Tough luck.”

“You’re too stubborn for ya own good, Yasmin Khan.”

Ryan’s voice carried in on a wave of icy wind interrupted their little dispute. “This is proper awesome! Stop bickering like an old married couple ‘n come on!”

While Yaz and the Doctor had been arguing, he had already made his way over to the TARDIS door, completely ignoring Graham’s warning, and stuck his head outside. He didn’t even wait for the blonde alien to reply before he had stepped out altogether.

Said woman was now pinching the bridge of her nose, muttering under her breath about force fields and oxygen levels - and how the human race was even able to survive throughout space and time with such a lack of self-preservation.

Least to say, Graham was alarmed when he picked up on it. “Doc, will he be alright?”

“Yeah, the TARDIS has a force field around her that maintains a breathable atmosphere, twenty-one percent oxygen, seventy-eight percent nitrogen, just how ya lot like it. Bu’ almost all of Xhalloras’ moons have a similar atmospheric makeup, so she’s probably lowered it and he walked right through it.”

“So let’s get after him before he gets into trouble!”

Yaz was pulled back by the Doctor’s hand tightly around her own. “No, I’ll get him while you make a trip to the wardrobe for warmer clothes. It’s freezing out there an’ I don’t fancy ya turning into an icicle. Also, Graham’s complainin’ ‘s just the worst.”

“Oi! I’m no--”

“See? I’ll send Ryan to you once I bring ‘im back, so off ya pop!”

Yaz could still feel the burn of where the Doctor’s cooler skin had touched hers ten minutes later when all three humans were digging for suitable coats.

\--

It wasn’t one of the nicer moons of Xhalloras, it turned out. The surrounding atmosphere bathed everything in a lavender hue, but even that couldn’t embellish the wasteland spreading out before the four of them. The closest sun was only a dull spec at the sky and did nothing to subdue the icy gusts of wind blowing around them and getting caught up in their clothes, trying to eat their way through the multitude of layers they had put on. 

Rock formations dominated the area they soon found themselves in, edges rough and sharp at the same time. Here and there, stray patches of vegetation appeared, giving the impression of being forgotten and left for dead a long time ago. It was a sorry sight to behold.

For the longest time, the only sounds over the howling wind were the crunch of sand and stones under their feet and the whirring of the sonic screwdriver, until-

“We’re on an alien planet. Gramps, this is our first alien planet!” 

Despite having had a premature sneak-peek, Ryan’s marvel at their surroundings stayed the same as they were exploring the perimeter now as a team. The Doctor looked up from the readings on her sonic to quirk an eyebrow. 

“Well, technically it’s a moon and technically it’s not your first time--”

Yaz put a gloved hand on her arm to keep her from possibly ruining their friend’s moment. “Just let them have this”, then she added with a grin, “I actually always wondered whether Graham would’ve even set a foot on alien ground if he’d ever had a say in it.”

It still was hard to say no to that smile, the Doctor figured, the words dying on her tongue as she looked at Yaz’s profile, framed by a few stray hairs tussled about by the frigid wind. Her fingers twitched with the urge to tuck them safely behind her ear - something she really couldn’t and shouldn’t act upon. 

Sucking as much air as she could into her lungs and ignoring the resulting sting, she tried to cool down her head and her all too vivid imagination which was currently trying to convince her that she could feel Yaz’s warmth through three layers of clothing. However, her efforts turned out fruitless, so she directed her gaze away from the woman next to her to their previous topic of conversation - who was just six feet away, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his coat.

“And he’s only complained twice ‘bout the cold in the past five minutes, no less. I’d call that personal growth.”

“Har har, I can still hear ya over the wind, y’know!”, Graham grumbled through clattering teeth, “How’re you two not shaking your shoes off, it’s bloody freezing!”

“Ah, y’see, I’m not that bothered by the cold, me. Time Lords run generally cooler than humans, so--”

At the Doctor’s mention of her body temperature, something clicked into place inside Yaz’s head, the uproar of a memory making its way to the surface being a familiar feeling by now. Still, no matter how much she had braced herself, she probably never would’ve been ready for the images her mind threw at her. 

_ Hands clasped tightly together. Intertwined fingers. Standing in the TARDIS kitchen pressed shoulder to shoulder. Huddled together in a cave against the cold wet stone. Her head in the Doctor’s lap, fingers buried in dark hair, after a particularly exhausting adventure. _

Blurring and changing to-

_ “We shouldn’t, I shouldn’t.” _

_ “Stop mourning me while I’m still right here with you, Doctor. Please just allow yourself to be happy for once.” _

_ Beats of silence, so so many. Hazel eyes boring into her own dark brown ones, the soft TARDIS light catching flecks of gold and reflecting endless constellations back at her. Time becoming non-existent until- _

_ A hand in the back of her neck, pulling her imperceptibly closer, slightly cooler lips touching her own.  _

_ The feeling of entire galaxies being born in the spaces between her ribs. _

A loud gasp escaped her and for a split second Yaz was so overwhelmed by everything that she stumbled and lost her footing. Luckily, the Doctor managed to grab her quickly enough and pulled her upright again.

“Y’alright there?”

She was met with concerned hazel eyes - colour still brilliantly clear despite the violet sky - scanning her face, and Yaz felt a flush creeping up from her neck to her cheeks at their sudden proximity. 

Oh.  _ Oh. _

Everything made so much more sense now - the phantom touches, the way she had missed the Doctor maybe a bit too much to be reasonable, how every tiny touch since their reunion had felt like liquid fire. 

All of a sudden, she felt hot enough to brave the sub-zero temperatures without a coat.

“Yaz? D’you hear me?”

This time around, the Doctor’s inquiry got through to her and she jolted back into the present. “Yeah, yeah, ‘m fine, sorry. Just got some memories back, I think.”

A sliver of dread flitted over the blonde’s features before it was covered up by concern again. What was she afraid of, Yaz couldn’t help but wonder, how much was she still missing from the bigger picture and why didn’t the Doctor want her to see it, apparently?

“You’re burning up, ‘s that normal for your flashbacks?”

“Sometimes.” Her voice sounded embarrassingly squeaky in her own ears. 

The Doctor moved to put a hand on her forehead, but she managed to dodge it and twist herself free of her strong grasp in one fluid movement. She’d never thought she’d one day use her police training on the Doctor, but right now she needed some space to think everything through she’d just seen. It was a somehow ironic notion given that they were literally standing in the middle of an outer space wasteland. 

By now, Ryan had jogged up to them as well, leading to three pairs of eyes on her filled with different stages of worry. 

Huffing, Yaz waved them all off. “‘m fine, honestly. Just gimme a moment to catch me breath again, will ya?”

Any protest or general reply was stifled as something landed a foot away from the Doctor’s boots, burrowed deep inside the dry ground. For a second, everyone looked at the arrow, completely dumbstruck.

“Now this can’t be goo--” Graham’s hypothesis was cut short - and confirmed - when another one whizzed just past his left ear and smashed into the rock behind him. 

No further words were needed as all of them made a dive for the closest stone large enough to hide behind. Luckily, the attack seemed to come from only one direction, giving the four of them a brief moment to regroup and contemplate what to do next. 

Watching an increasing number of arrows fly overhead, the Doctor worried her lower lip with her teeth, fingers tapping out a nervous rhythm against her knee. “Last time I checked, these moons were uninhabited, I swear!”

“Maybe you made an honest mistake?”

Yaz barely contained a snort at Ryan’s careful optimism. She had learned a long time ago that seemingly honest mistakes turned out to be far from that in the end when the Doctor was concerned. Quite often the TARDIS had a hand in things, too.

“I certainly didn’t, I-- oh no.”

Before any of the humans could ask about her outburst, the blonde had already seized a missile-free moment and raised her head over the edge of the rock to get a look at their assailants. It was only a short break.

Ducking away just in time for an arrow to miss her head, the Doctor groaned on her way back down. “Ugh, I hate being shot at! What do people keep doing that for?”

“Usually cos you tend to rile ‘em up some way or other”, Ryan offerend, earning himself an offended glare.

“Oi! How d’ya remember that now?”

“I don’t, bu’ Yaz told us a lotta stories like that.”

Yaz merely shrugged as the Doctor directed her scrutinising gaze at her. “Can’t say I’m wrong, Doctor.”

“Not the point! Also, I did no such thing right now!”

She had to give her that. On the other hand, it wasn’t that unusual for them to get into a line of fire by accident. If Yaz had a pound for every time they’d started an adventure getting shot at or being imprisoned, she could finally buy herself that really nice dark red dress she’d seen two weeks prior in the city centre. 

“Can we make it back to the TARDIS?”, Graham disrupted her thoughts.

Eyes flitting back and forth and face scrunched up in mild annoyance, the Doctor apologetically squashed his hopes. “Don’t think so, we’re like a mile away now and I can’t risk any of you getting an arrow in your back or worse.”

“So what do we do now?”

Once again, the Doctor stood up without warning, hands up in clear surrender as she emerged from behind the rock and right into the line of fire. Yaz was caught somewhere between holding her breath and praying for her safety, and rolling her eyes at her friend’s antics of not giving them any sort of heads up about her plan.

Thankfully, her prayers hadn’t fallen on deaf ears. The onslaught of arrows stopped as soon as the Doctor announced her peaceful intentions loud enough for anyone to hear. Yet this only went so far, as a flurry of ropes descended on her, trapping her effectively in place. 

“Oi, what’s that for, now? I said that I’ve no intention of harming anyone!” the blonde protested with flailing arms, trying to get rid of the cords but only getting tangled up more and more.

Yaz managed to keep still for all of five excruciating seconds - which must’ve been a new record for her - before she jumped out of their hiding place accompanied by Graham’s protests and curses to the Doctor to get herself free. 

When the same type of ropes immediately looped themselves around her limbs, she finally realised she should’ve known better. Still, she knew just as well that it probably wouldn’t have stopped her anyway. Bracing herself to face whoever got them all tied up now, she was just glad that the boys were staying put, even though she could see out of the corner of her eye that it took Graham some effort to hold his grandson back from making the same mistake she’d just made. 

“Why’d you do that for, Yaz?”, the Doctor hissed at her in a low voice, “That were proper stupid and reckless.”

Yaz was tempted to bite back at her, but the obvious distress in the alien’s eyes curbed her annoyance drastically. “When I said I’d be with you whatever happens I meant it, just in case  _ you _ forgot.”

The Doctor was just about to reply, whether to argue further or to give in, Yaz didn’t know, when shuffling could be heard from various spots around them. As it seemed, they were about to come face to face with their assailants at last. 

Admittedly, Yaz had entertained the notion that after all this time and all the things she’d seen nothing could really surprise her anymore, but once again the universe proved her wrong. 

From behind separate rocks came out a dozen of humanoid appearing creatures, so much bigger than the average human that she wondered how they’d managed to hide themselves behind the comparatively small stones in the first place. They were covered in clothing much thinner than her own or the Doctor’s, slivers of yellowish skin peeking out here and there. 

Yaz was envious how the cold didn’t seem to bother them at all while she’d slowly started to shake from the mixture of adrenaline and icy wind.

They seemed friendly enough at a glance as they were just standing there and regarding them in complete silence, just holding onto the ends of the ropes, no dangerously glinting eyes or sharp teeth as far as she could tell. After a quiet standoff between the Doctor and them, the giants suddenly parted and another person appeared in the midst of them. They were only half their size, but it was clear from their demeanor that they were the one in charge.

Wordlessly, they looked the two women up and down, the way their red eyes roamed over her body making Yaz’s skin tingle in an entirely bad way.

When they decided they’d let their captives squirm enough, they asked calmly, “Who are you and what is your intent?”

Absolutely used to the whole ordeal by now, the Doctor responded with her usual “I’m the Doctor, this is my friend Yaz, and as I already said  _ before _ we were neck deep in your ropes, we’re not here to cause any trouble, my ship merely followed a distress call.”

“There’s never been any distress call sent from this place, you must be mistaken.”

The blonde wasn’t deterred one bit. “Or you don’t know everything that’s going on on this moon, perhaps. While I admit that my dear ship can be moody and unpredictable at times, she’s never sent me anywhere I weren’t supposed to be. Well, maybe except for that one time whe-- Ow!”

In the spur of the moment of plunging head first into another story, the Doctor had started gesticulating wildly, causing the giants to immediately pull at the cords in their hands, and the bonds around the blonde’s body to tighten all at once. Yaz winced in sympathy.

“You’re coming with us.”

“‘S not as we’d have a choice in the matter, do we?”

In lieu of a verbal reply, the ropes tightened once again and the Doctor gritted her teeth with a grunt as she was pulled forward. This was exactly what Ryan had meant when he’d said that she had the tendency to rile people up.

“I take it I don’t need to further explain that the more you fight back - physically or verbally - the tighter the ropes will become”, they regarded the Doctor’s obvious distaste with a smug grin, “I’m actually quite proud to say that someone or other has lost a limb or two on their way to the colony before, these bounds are just that good.”

“Gettin’ lots of visitors the-- ow!”

“Stop it! She was just asking a question!”

Yaz couldn’t hold it in anymore, her own impending punishment be damned. Just looking at the deep grooves the ropes left in the Doctor’s coat made her afraid of her actually losing an arm within the next minutes. 

Their still nameless captor leered at her, Yaz’s blood running cold at what she saw in their eyes.

“Feisty. I’m going to have so much fun with the two of you.”

At that, the giants came to life again, dragging both women forward and along with them as they began their journey to the colony. She noticed the Doctor casting an inconspicuous look back at Graham and Ryan, who had raised their heads from behind their hiding spot, mouthing at them to stay put and don’t do anything rash.

If Yaz weren’t anxious about the whole development, she’d tell her to put her money where her mouth was, for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the comments, every time I get an email notification I go 🥰🥰


	8. eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor's doing a lot of spinning around - physically and mentally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happens in a dark and wet prison cell stays in a dark and wet prison cell - or does it?

Propped up against the cold and too wet wall like a doll, the Doctor tried to take in every square centimetre of their cell in the hope of finding a quick way to break them out of there. At the same time, she was trying to find a solution to the whole memory loss problem of her companions. Not to mention that other threat looming in the distance. However, something was putting a dampener or her concentration - or rather someone.

As if she could sense her racing thoughts - the Doctor wouldn’t put it past her - Yaz started to stir against her shoulder, a soft groan falling from her lips as she blearily blinked her eyes open.

“Feeling better?”

The young woman shifted upright awkwardly, her bound wrists making the simplest tasks just that bit more complicated, and she mourned the loss of contact immediately. The Doctor sighed at herself inwardly. She really had to stop reacting like this - for a multitude of reasons, Yaz probably not remembering anything (so far) was just one of them.

“Nah, ‘m still knackered. This isn’t exactly the most relaxing set up I can imagine for a quick kip.”

Trying to lighten the mood, she quipped with wide eyes, “Yasmin Khan, are you saying my shoulders are uncomfortable?”

“Your shoulders might be a lot of things, bony being one of them, but they’re far from uncomfortable as far as I can remember.”

The young woman said it in such an off-hand and casual way, that the meaning behind those words almost didn’t register with the Doctor. Almost. It felt like the wind got knocked out of her left lung.

“Yaz, do you mean you rem--”

For once, she was actually interrupted by herself. Just as she was about to ask Yaz what exactly she remembered about their closeness - she  _ had  _ to know, so much depended on it -, the thirty-one trains of thought that had been busy the whole time trying to analyse their predicament and everything around it converged into one massive epiphany, overwriting everything else in its wake.

She shot up on her feet, remarkably easy without the help of her hands, and immediately started pacing what little room the cell gave her. However Yaz had been taken completely by surprise by the sudden movement and, since her body had still been half leaning against the Doctor’s, she almost toppled over and to her side.

“What the hell, Doctor?”

In the meantime, she had already mapped the floor of the cell at least three times - she’d seen way bigger ones in her lifetime - mumbling incoherently without actually realising.

“Oh. Ooooh! Oh stars, I… oh no. This can’t, please don’t let me be right.”

“What’s wrong now?” The young woman had shoved herself back upright again and was not watching the show in front of her with increasing worry, “You not wanting to be right is, like, a  _ massive _ red flag.”

“I jus’ realised why I expected there to be no inhabitants on this moon.”

She hadn’t even noticed that she’d fallen silent again, her mind screaming at her from so many directions that it felt like she was in the midst of an angry orchestra, cacophonies swelling and cresting all around her, until Yaz waved her bound arms to get her attention again and looked at her questioningly.

“Oh! Sorry, t’were proper loud up here for a sec. Well, still is, bu’ not the point.”

“That’s what I thought, so what actually is the point?”

A question just vague enough that it didn’t demand the truth right away, she could work with that. Prolong the inevitable, yes, she loved that. “Of life? The universe? ‘S hard to say, lotta people had lots of different opinions an’ theories ‘bout that, y’see, and--”

“Doctor! Focus!”

Pouting at the admonition, she went quiet again. She knew she had to tell her the truth eventually, however everything inside her rebelled against it. Which was only fair, given that once again everything was - or would be - her fault and she really wasn’t fond of her friends finding that out. Still, she needed to come clean as much as she had to so they could think of a plan. 

“We’re not in a city, but a colony, right? So they haven’t been here long enough to build things up properly. When it all comes down to it, they’re only a bunch of people trying to make do at the moment.”

“So you’re saying something’s gonna happen that drives them away again, as if they’d never been here in the first place? But how can it be that there are no recollections of it? Somebody always tells the tale.”

“You just said it”, the Doctor stated with a deep frown.

Yaz’s brows furrowed in confusion before her eyes widened first in realisation and then in shock. “No.”

“It’s the only explanation.”

Pulling in her knees and propping her elbows up on them, the young woman hid her face behind her hands. Things like that never got easier, no matter how often they had been confronted with it - which had only been once or twice in Yaz’s case, the Doctor surmised, so she couldn’t hold it against her to take a moment to come to grips with everything. 

Still, the sight in front of her aroused in her the need to card her fingers through dark strands in hope to sooth at least a tiny fraction of her pain. Still, she didn’t, not before she found out what Yaz remembered about their relationship - or whatever you wanted to call it. Categories, so helpful and yet so complicated. 

It took some time (forty-six seconds and five hundred sixty-three milliseconds, the Doctor counted) for Yaz to find her voice again, but when she did speak up again, she sounded remarkably composed. 

“So you’re saying we’re part of an extinction level event now?”

The blunt words ripped a sigh from her lips. “‘M afraid so.”

“Is there a way to stop it from happening? Or at least help people get away instead of getting killed?”

Oh, Yaz. Her selfless and courageous Yaz, always looking for a way to save everyone. The Doctor prided herself in always choosing the best companions, and while she still did in case of her fam, she knew all too well that they actually had chosen her this time around when they had walked into the TARDIS and had outright asked, almost demanded, to come along. 

Yet, reminiscing about time passed by wouldn’t get them out of this mess. Trying to get her brain back on track, she made to comb her fingers through her hair but aborted the motion with a frustrated groan when she was reminded of her still bound hands.

“I still don’t get why the TARDIS would bring us here, it makes zero sense. The longer we’re outta the vortex, the easier to spot we’re for…”, the Doctor trailed off, becoming more and more quiet with each word.

However, Yaz noticed, as she always did. “For what? Those creatures back in Sheffield?”

The Doctor merely nodded, eyes stubbornly fixed on a small crack in the wall. As much as she loved Yaz’s brilliance, it also made it so much harder to keep things from her. Literally everything good in the universe came with a downside, didn’t it?

Her reluctance earned her a pointed eye roll from her friend. “I don’ get it, why’re you so reluctant to tell us who or what they are? Afraid we’ll google it or what?”

Oh.

Oh, stupid Doctor, why didn’t she think of that sooner?

“Ya still got your phone, do you? They didn’t take it away?”

“Stop changing the topic again, Doctor, I’m not letting you off the hook this time.”

“I’m not changing the topic”, well, maybe a little bit, “so do you have it?”

Relenting after a long hard stare, Yaz started wiggling around, feeling for the item in her pockets. Finally, she nodded, causing a gleeful grin to break free on the Doctor’s face.

“Brilliant! Still got me sonic cos apparently these guys are still quite the amateurs when it comes to keeping folks hostage - you call it amateur hour on Earth right about this time, dontcha? - so I’ll just fix your phone back up for intergalactic transmission an’ we can contact the boys. Easy as stealing candy from a toddler! Tho ya really shouldn’t do that, it’s just mean. And I’ve met some really ferocious toddlers in me time, mind you, they could bite. ‘Specially those on Obalkjado-5 - and I didn’t even take their sweets!”

“Can’t you just call the TARDIS with the sonic and get us out here in a jiffy?”

Her eyes lit up momentarily, but the notion found its premature end a mere second later. “Brilliant idea, and I’d totally give you ten points for tha’, but I forgot to activate that protocol before we headed out, so… no can do.”

“ _ I’m _ not getting the points cos  _ you _ forgot? Now that doesn’t seem right”, the Doctor immediately tried to butt in, but Yaz had exactly none of it, “Anyway, can’t reach me phone like that, so you need to get it from me. Can you reach your screwdriver by yourself?”

Tongue poking out in concentration and moving around erratically, the Doctor tried to grab the side of her coat. She knew once she had it, she could totally somehow wrangle her hands into her pocket, she was pretty sure of it, she had done weirder and more spectacular tricks back in the day, what was this tiny feat in comparison?

The David to her Goliath, apparently. 

Getting woozy from all the spinning she was doing, the alien gave up at last, ungracefully slumping against the wall to steady herself. Yaz’s worried face moved in strange patterns in front of her eyes, which really couldn’t be healthy, she needed to check that out.

“You alright?”

“‘M fine, jus’ need to recalibrate.”

“Alright, so while you’re busy recalibrating, I’m gonna come over and try to grab the sonic, okay? Then you can pull the phone outta my coat pocket, cos I’m not gonna try that dance you’ve just been doing.”

Through rapidly blinking eyes, she saw Yaz heaving herself upright and wandering over to her, legs still a bit unsure and stiff from all this time on the floor. 

The young woman cast a daunting glare at the grey coat and then the Doctor’s face. “I really hope your pockets aren’t like the TARDIS.”

“Oh but they are, why wouldn’t I dimensional engineer my pockets? More space to carry more stuff, it’s a no-brainer!”, seeing the unenthused - but now completely back in focus! - look in her friends eyes, she hastily added, “Bu’ don’t worry, it should be right at the top.”

“If I touch something disgusting, I swear…”

Without any further ado, Yaz began to weasel her hands into the pouch, the way her fingers brushed against her hipbone through the material catching the Doctor completely off-guard. Minutes ago they had been huddled together on the floor, but somehow this was feeling more intimate right now. She could feel the tips of her ears turning pink despite her best efforts and she swallowed hard. 

She tried to do so quietly, yet Yaz noticed and raised her head from her task to look at her questioningly. In this moment, their faces were only a hand’s breadth away from each other, visible breaths mingling in the cold air between them. 

“Doctor… I--”

Yaz’s words were barely above a whisper, prompting the Doctor to respond just as quietly. “What is it?”

A long beat of silence passed as both women held their breaths, realising they were standing at the precipice of something big. And while the Doctor knew it was probably inevitable that sooner or later they’d end up again where they had left off before Yaz had lost her memory, and while she also knew that it would be better and possibly safer for everyone the longer she could put it off, there was this part of her that remembered the touch of Yaz’s lips all too well and longed to feel it again.

“I got the sonic”, the young woman finally proclaimed, scrambling and holding it up triumphantly, and thus letting the moment burst into pieces.

The Doctor could almost feel its invisible shards piercing her skin, a twisted mix of disappointment and uncertainty oozing from where they cut too deep. Alas, she could wallow about it later when they were back in the TARDIS and safe in the vortex, now she needed to- oh well.

She put on a broad smile, for Yaz’s sake and her own. “Brilliant! Lemme get your phone then, which pocket is it?”

Yaz just wordlessly turned her right side to her and the Doctor made quick work of it, babbling about that one time in Ancient Greece she had given Plato the idea for his cave allegory and pouring the utmost precision and care into not touching anything that wasn’t the coat. Whether to distract Yaz or herself she wasn’t exactly sure about.

“Okay, got it, easy-peasy, told ya! Now let’s trade.”

They must’ve been quite the sight, she figured, how they were awkwardly holding their bound hands out, trying to simultaneously push things from one hand into the others’ without dropping anything - her sonic could definitely deal with a fall, but she wasn’t so sure about fragile Earth technology sometimes. 

The gentle brush of Yaz’s fingertips against her skin didn’t aid her focus at all as it sent tiny tingling sensations up her arm and right into her hearts and she cursed softly under her breath.

“So, Doctor--”

Whatever Yaz was about to say was cut short by the sound of heavy footfall on the other side of the cell door.


	9. nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet their captor again - with consequences, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No matter where and when you are in the universe, there'll always be an asshole to ruin your day.

Yaz felt her heart beating up her throat for various reasons.

One certainly was the footsteps reverberating through the prison halls. The other was still standing quite close to her, their shoulders bumping ever so often as the Doctor frantically tried to point the sonic at the right part of her phone. Watching her work on their escape, tip of her tongue poking out between her lips in deep concentration, Yaz couldn’t help but wonder whether she would’ve kissed her earlier if she hadn’t felt the cool metal of the sonic at her fingertips.

Remembering they had kissed at least once in the past but at the same time feeling oddly detached from the whole thing, left her with a weird mix of emotions she wasn’t ready to tackle just yet. Also, there might be more pressing matters at hand.

The increasing volume of heavy boots on stone and the resulting annoyed groan from the alien in front of her pulled her out of her musings.

It would’ve been too easy to get her phone up and running, call Ryan, talk them through how to activate the rescue protocol, then be out of this prison and maybe even save all those people from impending doom without any interruption, wouldn’t it?

“Why’re we even fumbling around like that? Wouldn’t it be easier to use the sonic first to get out of the ropes and then prep me phone? I already feel a cramp in me fingers coming up.”

The Doctor didn’t look up from her finger acrobatics. “Good thinking, bu’ in this case it’d probably just get us into more trouble when someone comes around and sees that we managed to get out of ‘em. Don’ think we could overpower these guys even with the element of surprise.”

Thinking back to their march through the colony and how everyone had seemed to scramble to get inside their huts when they passed by, Yaz had to concede. Even though these giants didn’t say a word or convey any kind of emotion, they exuded something eerie and disconcerting, a dangerous type of calmness.

It reminded her of the way the Doctor got sometimes. 

Cocking her ears and biting her lip, she looked at the door. “Y’think someone’s coming for us specifically?”

“I didn’t notice anyone else when we were brought in, did you?”

The Doctor was right. They had to do something and better do it fast, since with the echo in this underground space it was hard to tell how much time they had left before someone would appear on the other side of those bars.

“So--”

“‘M almost done”, the blonde murmured over the way too loud buzz of the sonic, “Jus- ha!”

“I don’t think there’s enough time to call Ryan, tho. So what’s plan B? Please tell me you got a plan somewhere up there.”

Grinning proudly, the Doctor bounced on the balls of her feet. “Don’ think we need a plan B - I know, rare thing to say but all the sweeter for it, dontcha think? - plan A is already working.”

Yaz could only look at her in confusion. “Wha--”

Her mouth clicked shut as a familiar face came into view behind the door and a coil of dread immediately started forming inside Yaz’s stomach. Through bits and pieces of conversations and barked orders on their way to their cell, they had been able to at least get the name and title of their captor, but everything else remained obscure. Also, the way Colonel Akh’raz had leered at her back in the outskirts was still sending cold shivers up her spine.

He had brought two of the giants with him, of which one unlocked the door with something like a chipcard. It was as strange contrast to the primitiveness of the cell. Paying no further mind to the people with him as they flanked him, Akh’raz strode in with unnecessary pomp and circumstance. The way he held himself clearly portrayed of how little danger he thought them to be and Yaz really hoped that he would be proven wrong rather sooner than later.

“Well well well, fancy seeing you again, and up on your feet no less.”

The Doctor regarded him with an unimpressed look as she took a step forward to subtly put herself in front of Yaz. “Can’t say the same for you, Colonel. Here to let us out?”

“I’m afraid not”, Akh’raz said before he chuckled, “You’ll have to make do with my company for a little while more. At least until we have all the answers we want - then I’ll decide whether you leave this prison as a slave or in a casket.”

The Doctor groaned quietly enough for only Yaz to hear. “‘F course they’re dabbling in slave trade, why does evil always come in a dozen?”, and after a beat, “I’m so sorry, Yaz. I’ll get us out here, I promise.”

“I know you will”, she whispered back. There really wasn’t anything else she could reply to that, was there?

The colonel clapped his hands. “Alright, that’s enough conspiratorial whispering for today”, as both women faced him again, he noticed the items in their hands, “Whatever it is you plan on doing with these, it ends right now! Guards!”

Faces completely devoid of emotion, one of the two giants Akh’raz walked forward and yanked first the sonic and then the phone out of their hands. 

The Doctor cocked an eyebrow, her usual bravado firmly in place. “Rude. We better get those back in peak condition.”

Akh’zar completely ignored her as he turned the devices over in his hands before he let them disappear into his pocket. 

“We have run some scans over you in the meantime, and while it was easy enough to figure out that your friend here is a human, and while you look human enough, our systems didn’t come up with anything for you yet.”

“Ah, ‘m sorry. Happens a lot. You’d think with how often people fail to ‘classify’ me, they would’ve found a solution by now.”

“Your pride will be your downfall, Doctor.”

Akh’zar’s sneer showed off an arrangement of sharp and dirty fangs, yet it was something in his voice that tore at Yaz’s insides like a twisted sort of wrench, causing a feeling of nausea to rise in her throat. The Doctor either didn’t seem to notice or didn’t want to, both was equally possible.

“Now  _ that _ I’ve heard more than enough - also never really ended well for the one who said it.”

Never taking his eyes of the blonde, he sighed in fake disappointment before the spoke with icy steel, “I’ve had enough of this mindless chatter. Take the human.”

Within the blink of an eye, the Doctor had completely put herself between her and the advancing guard. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh, but I do. Don’t worry too much, though, you will get your turn as well.”

“Why don’t you start with me instead, eh? I can give you all the answers you want, more than she ever could, she practically knows nothing - no offense, Yaz - whereas  _ I  _ brought us here. And aren’t you itching to find out who or what I am?”

“You make some compelling points…”, he tapped a finger to his chin, lips pursed in thought. Then second he started grinning maniacally, “... but no.”

“I’m begging you, please leave her be and take me.”

The sudden despair in her friend’s voice felt like a sledgehammer to Yaz’s heart, every fiber of her being straining to offer her some kind of comfort when in reality there was none to be had right now. So all she could do was to stand her ground and glare daggers at Akh’zar over the Doctor’s shoulder. He might take her and try to get whatever from her, but she sure as hell wouldn’t make it easy for him. 

“What makes you so sure your little friend will be better off in this cell in the meantime? There are so many things that could happen while you’re away…”

Yaz couldn’t see her face, but she knew by the way her shoulders tensed ever so slightly and her torso shook imperceptibly, that the Doctor was thrown off by the comment and her mind was scrambling to catch up with everything while at the same time all her willpower was going into keeping herself still and not jumping at their captor in a knee jerk reaction.

It was plain to see that he had struck a nerve there - and he relished every second of it.

Sick glee all over his face, the colonel finally gave a wordless and curt nod at the guards who in turn immediately sprung into action, one coming at the Doctor to move her out of the way, the other grabbing her just hard enough to get the point across. 

With the guard holding her back almost effortlessly, the Doctor could only watch on helplessly as Yaz was dragged her past her on their way out. 

The blonde set her eyes on Akh’zar again. “I swear to every known force in the universe, if you harm a single atom of her I will make sure you will never see the light of day again.”

She had spoken the words quietly, but palpable rage was seeping through every syllable and every letter, underlined by the stony set of her jaw and the coldness in her eyes as she cast the colonel one last look. Then her gaze found Yaz’s again and the storm seemed to cave in on itself. 

“Please don’t be brave for both of us, just tell him whatever he wants to hear.”

Her hands itched to reach out, to trace the deep line between the blonde’s brows with a gentle finger and calm whatever was raging behind it. Instead all Yaz could do is speak as reassuringly as she could. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

While the Doctor had told her not to be unnecessarily brave, she didn’t say she couldn’t put on a brave face. And so she did, for both of their sakes, as the grates slammed closed behind her with needless force and she managed to catch a last glimpse over her shoulder at the blonde, giving her a small smile she didn’t really feel.

\--

“How’re we supposed to get in without a key, can you tell me that? I remember her locking the door when we headed out.”

Ryan rolled his eyes for what felt like the fourteenth time on their walk back to the TARDIS. “I  _ still _ don’t know, Graham, bu’ what else’re we supposed to do, mh?”

He understood where his grandfather was coming from, he really did, but he didn’t have some epiphany or one of those flashbacks Yaz kept getting the last twenty minutes and he highly doubted that he’d get one now that the ship had become visible in the distance. Still utterly devoid of any memories and thus references on how to act in moments like these, they both had to wing it as best they could. And hope that everyone survived it. 

“Shouldn’t we ‘ave rather followed them? We’ll probably have to turn back again anyway when we don’t get into the ship.”

“I dunno!”

Seeing the taken aback look on Graham’s face, he realised the harsh tone his voice had taken on. “‘M sorry.”

“It’s fine, son, I get it”, the older man patted him on the shoulder with a sigh, “Different stress responses. I’ll try to keep me lamenting down, alright? Not much good it can do anyway.”

“But neither does snapping at you”, Ryan pulled his coat tighter around himself just to busy his hands, “Let’s just think ‘bout possible things we could do in silence until we’ve reached the TARDIS an’ then we see where we get from there, aight?”

Struggling to march forward against the wind and the uphill slope, both men mulled over their predicament as the ship inched closer and closer until they were finally standing right in front of her, the metal handle cold enough to give Ryan frostbite. He chanced a last uncertain look at Graham.

“Okay, here goes.”

Unsurprisingly, the door didn’t budge. 

He tried pushing and pulling with varying strength, but it was to no avail. With a mix of frustration and despair bubbling inside his veins, he almost kicked the door in an attempt to just vent some of all that pent up negative energy, but something told him that the only thing he’d get from it was a broken toe. 

Groaning, he turned and slumped his back against the wood. “Okay, plan B.”

“Ya got one?”, Graham shot him a hopeful glance.

“Nah, were hoping you’d come up wit’ something that goes further than jus’ heading back ‘n not getting lost on the way there.”

The older man looked away, shoulders slumping just as well. “Still working on that ‘not getting lost’ part there, to be honest.”

Ryan let his head fell back against the door with a quiet thud. “We need to help them, there has to be something we can do to get them outta there.”

Without warning, the door clicked open, causing him to stumble back and land square on his ass in the ship’s entryway. If he hadn’t been completely dumbfounded and surprised by the sudden development, he would have freaked at the strange tickle in the back of his mind that weirdly felt like a snicker. 

Graham was with him a second later, holding out his hand. “Y’okay, son?”

He merely nodded his response as he gratefully took the offered help, and they made their way into the console room. While everything was like they had left it, standing in the orange glow somehow felt weird without the bubbly alien around. It was just eerily quiet.

Graham pulled him out of his musings. “At least she left the heating on, eh? Need to get outta this bloody coat an’ warm up properly. Feels like carrying Antarctica with me.” 

He haphazardly threw the clothing over the closest branched pillar for a lack of better alternative. As a result, the lights flickered and a deep unpleasant hum filled the air, startling both men. Slowly, Graham removed his coat again, and the noise stopped.

“Okay, now this is proper creepy.”

Ryan regarded the spot where mere seconds ago Graham’s coat had been, wondering if there was some kind of switch or button he had triggered accidentally, but there was nothing of the sort to be seen. It was almost as if the ship simply hadn’t lik--

“Wait, didn’t Yaz say something about the TARDIS being something like a sentient being?”

Graham looked at his grandson for a long moment, blinking in bewilderment. “Are you saying we should talk to the air like the Doctor did? Stop pulling my leg!”

“‘M not a big fan either, but maybe it can give us some kind of hint ‘bout what to do. I can’t sit around waiting and being useless, they need our help.”

Letting his hands fall to his sides, the older man gave in with a huff. “Alright, ‘s not like someone’s here to laugh at us anyway, might as well give it a go”, he looked expectantly at Ryan, “So, ya wanna start?”

“Um.”

Graham chuckled. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“After you, Gramps, age before beauty, they say.”

“Oi! The bloody cheek yo--”

The phone on the console started ringing, interrupting their quarrel instantly.


	10. ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of back and forth in their tiny cell while Ryan and Graham are fighting their own battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the gyms are closing again on Monday in my country and I've already shed a bunch of tears over it... what better way to promote my new gmy AU "Mind Muscle (Heart) Connection", right?

All her restless energy making it impossible for her to stand still for longer than seven seconds, the Doctor paced back and forth in the small cell. While at first it had felt like a small victory when she managed to loosen her cuffs with the sonic before it got taken away just enough to wriggle the rest of the way out by herself, the newfound availability of her hands and full range of movement only led to constant hair pulling and gnawing on her cuticles. 

She should use the time alone to think and plot and scheme and come up with a foolproof plan to get them all safely off this moon, but her focus was swimming in and out of reach like waves, the sound they made as they crashed onto the shore eerily similar to the noise of her constantly derailing thoughts.

_ C’mon, Doctor, think. You used to be bloody brilliant at it, what’s keeping you? _

It was a rhetorical question, really. She knew all too well that simple worry was burying every other productive thought process under its weight, leaving her grasping for metaphorical straws inside her head. She didn’t know what Akh’zar was or could be doing to Yaz; and not knowing something did never sit well with her.

It might have been only one of the many things she had to worry about this very moment, but Yaz’s wellbeing was definitely at the top of her worry-pile - which somehow never got smaller, only bigger, what was that about now?

Similarly, the fact that she had no knowledge of these people and their habits apart from what she had gathered from Akh’zar was just the tip of another problematic iceberg. If she didn’t know anything about them, then there was no information about them in the TARDIS database. This in turn meant that there was no recollection, no memories in the whole of the universe that these people and their colony had ever existed in the first place - which they obviously did. This again meant that not only something had happened or would happen that probably killed all these people and everyone who knew them. Or - if you didn’t want to get your hands too dirty - simply took away their memor-

The Doctor drew in a shaky breath.

No matter how much she twisted and turned it, she always came up with the same result:  _ they _ would find them here sooner or later and wreak havoc on their way to get to her. Again, she was the centre of a historic event. Again, her mere presence brought demise over the lives of many.

She digged her short nails into her palm hard enough to feel the crescent imprints they were leaving. 

A fixed point in time and space, there was nothing she could do about them arriving here and doing their thing. That’s why the TARDIS had brought them here against her will - she had had no other choice. 

There were hundreds, maybe even thousands of lives at stake on the outside of these prison walls, so many lives that didn’t deserve anything of what was about to come, yet the only thing her thoughts kept on circling around-

Yaz.

By all the stars and constellations, she hoped that she was safe.

She didn’t worry too much about Graham and Ryan, she was pretty sure they had made their way back to her ship by now and that she had been so kind to let them in. The TARDIS had missed the three humans just as much in their absence, that much was clear.

What wasn’t so clear, however, was whether the signal she’d patched to the console from Yaz’s phone had made it through and they were on the way to get them out of here. With the same wet and cold walls still staring back at her and her sonic gone, there was nothing left to do for her but hope.

Just another thing to hope for.

_ “... Love is a form of hope, and like hope, love abides in the face of everything.” _

Her own words from not too long ago echoed back at her, and with the memories a bone-deep tiredness fell over her. Things seemed to be easier back then, less demanding and confusing emotions raging their battles inside her and keeping her from doing the rational thing.

She was just about to fall back against the wall and slide to the floor again - maybe a short kip would help her brains to get a grip on themselves, a good old-fashioned reboot - when a multitude of footsteps sounded through the prison corridor. The Doctor was alert and up on her feet again immediately.

With her hearts beating out of her chest and anticipation coiling deep inside her stomach, she watched the shadows against the wall growing bigger the nearer they drew to the cell. The list of possibilities about what would happen next was a short one, either they were coming to get her or they were bringing Yaz back, most likely both. A cruel voice in the back of her head whispered another outcome back at her, one she didn’t even dare thinking about.

She hoped by all that was right and good in the universe that they weren’t about to inform her that she’d never see her friend again. For the sake of their lives and of all those people in the colony.

Her relief was correspondingly great when the shadows transformed into actual people and Yaz turned out to be one of them. 

Paying the guards no mind, the Doctor tried to take in every detail she could about her as they pushed Yaz back into the cell. She was at her in an instant.

Holding her out in front of her with her hands, she gave Yaz a quick look over. When she was satisfied with the lack of apparent wounds or other indications of hurt, she sharply turned to the guards still standing in the doorway.

“Oh, the big guy - well, metaphorically big, y’know, not physically, definitely not physically compared to the likes of you - doesn’t even bother to come down here himself to get me? That’s how it is now? Apart from the poor accommodation, tha’ is proper awful customer service ‘n I’ll leave a nasty Yelp review for this colony”, the guards kept looking blankly at her, “--no Yelp? Fine, I’ll find another platform, don’ worry.”

To the Doctor’s great surprise, they made no move to grab her and haul her out of their cage, on the contrary. Ignoring her raving completely, they turned around and left, closing the door firmly behind them.

Three quick steps later she was gripping the bars tightly, hollering after them. “Oi! Why’re you leavin’? I need to talk to the colonel right now! All our lives are at stake ‘ere!”

While she had expected a lot of things to happen, this certainly wasn’t one of them. What game was Akh’zar playing, what was he hoping to accomplish by not interrogating her as well? If he was aiming for wounding her pride, he had definitely achieved that. 

Alas, there was something more important than her ego she needed to take care of.

Moving away from the door, she went to face Yaz again, who had been awfully quiet so far. There was a strange look on her face, like she was present but at the same time wasn’t, no emotions on display for the Doctor to work with, just an indescribable stare. If she hadn’t been worried beyond compare before, she would’ve definitely been now.

Gingerly, she took a step closer, catching Yaz’s dark brown eyes with her own as she spoke softly, “Are you hurt?”

The young woman shook her head.

“Did they question you?”

Another shake of head.

“Did they force you to do something?”

When Yaz just mutely shook her head again, the Doctor was ready to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. What she did instead was carefully guiding her over to the spot she had deemed most comfortable, then removed her coat to throw it to the floor, and slowly pushed Yaz to sit down on it and against the wall.

The fact alone that Yaz let herself be handled like that without a single sign of protest spoke volumes to her.

The Doctor crouched down in front of her propped up knees. “Yaz, please say something, ya kinda scaring me here.”

The quiet admission appeared to have struck something inside her friend. Slowly, her eyes seemed to properly focus on her own, the previous dullness to them disappearing to leave a clear brown behind. The moment was broken when Yaz raised her hands to rub her face with a sigh, and the Doctor already missed the eye contact sorely.

“‘M sorry, Doctor.”

“Oi, nonsense, you got nothing to be sorry about”, the Doctor insisted vehemently as she pried her hands away from her face to hold them between her own. If the situation weren’t that serious, she would enjoy the feeling of her thumb gliding over the skin of Yaz’s knuckles a lot more.

Letting her head fall back against the wall, eyes halfway closed, Yaz was the picture of exhaustion. “I think ‘m feeling a headache coming on.”

A furtive smile flitted over her lips. “How ‘bout you tell me what they asked ‘n then you can take another kip, eh?”, she squeezed her hands again, “How’s that sound?”

“On your boney shoulder again?”

Meeting her friend’s eyes, the Doctor found a hint of mirth in them, leaving her unable to not return it in the same manner. “On my boney shoulder again - only if you want to, ‘f course.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

Yaz closed her eyes again for a moment, yet the small smile on her face let warm hope bloom between the Doctor’s hearts again. Everything was going to be fine some way or other, she would make sure of that. If not for her own sake, then definitely for Yaz’s.

When silence stretched on for too long in the small space and threatened to suffocate her, the Doctor opened her mouth again to prompt Yaz into talking, but the young woman actually beat her to the punch.

“Akh’zar didn’t really ask anything.”

“What d’you mean?”

Yaz pulled one hand free from the Doctor’s grip to gesticulate vaguely. “Dunno, he just… had some sort of contraption brought in and they strapped it to me head. And then it felt like someone were going through my brain with a shovel or something.”

Clenching her jaw hard enough to make her teeth hurt, the Doctor took a deep and deliberate breath. He had scrambled through her mind without any consent, and with probably crude technology no less, instead of just asking questions. Like some sort of scavenger Akh’zar had decided to take anything he could find no matter the consequences Yaz’s brain could suffer from it.

He would regret that decision and many more once she got her hands on him.

The fact that at the same time Yaz’s mind was still trying to heal itself from the immense memory loss only made everything so much more dangerous and unpredictable.

She was seething.

Still, her anger had to take the backseat at this point in time, she still had to take care of what - or rather who - was currently in front of her.

Carefully, the Doctor tucked a stray hair behind Yaz’s ear. She tried to keep her voice level and calm despite feeling everything but. “Thanks for telling me. Ready for some shut-eye now?”

Not waiting for an answer, she scooted around to sit down beside Yaz, a perfect replica of their position from hours back. Tucking her arm around her shoulder, she pulled the other woman in, inviting her to make herself as comfortable as possible.

When an arm sneaked tentatively around her waist, the Doctor went still for a split second. This was like back then, back before everything went south and got more complicated by the minute. Tightening the hold on Yaz and pulling her just that bit closer, she hoped that the wild fluttering of her hearts wasn’t noticeable.

“What’s gonna happen now?”

Gingerly, she placed her cheek on top of Yaz’s head, seeking comfort in the feeling of the soft hair on her skin. “Don’ worry, I’ll take care of it. And of Akh’zar specifically.”

The acknowledging hum Yaz gave her as she pressed her cheek to her shoulder was of neither positive nor negative nature, but it reverberated through the Doctor’s body and deep into her hearts just the same.

\--

Staring at the wild array of buttons and dials in front of him, Graham implored again, “She said the blue one, right?”

Ryan looked up from the opposite side of the console, eyebrows set in a frown. “Yeah, the blue one. ‘N you have to push it at the same time that I twist that… thingy over here. You ready? On the count of three. One… two… th--”

“Stop!”

“What now?”

“There are two blue buttons! Which one is she talking ‘bout?”

His grandson made his way around the console to take a look. Huffing in annoyance, Graham merely pointed at the offending knobs before he crossed his arms over his chest. This was working quite splendidly so far.

Wordlessly, both men looked over to the frozen image of the Doctor on the screen. 

“Rewind again?”

“What good would it do? She said the blue button, nothing more, nothing less. I don’ think rewinding’d give us anything new.”

A quiet hum filled the air around them and half a second later one of the offending knobs started blinking. 

Graham looked from the button to Ryan, back to the button and at last at the ceiling. 

"Couldn't've done that sooner, could ya?" 

The responding whirr sounded a lot like a chuckle. 

He rolled his eyes at that, letting his hands fall to his sides as he faced his grandson again. "Y'know, what I really don't understand here is… If she can point us to the right buttons, why can't she just activate the whole thing all by herself?" 

A spark flew up from the console right beside them, making them jump to the side in shock. 

"Whoa", Ryan held his hands up in surrender, "'s alright mate, calm down, we get it." 

"Do we really, though?", Graham mumbled under his breath, earning himself a sideways glare from his grandson. 

"Alright, let's try this again, eh?" 

\--

Loud metallic banging ripped her out of her slumber, her heart immediately going fifty miles per hour and beating up in her throat. Yaz was upright in an instant, only the arm still firmly pressed around her waist keeping her from jumping up on her feet completely, her head protesting and sending waves of pain through her. 

"C'mon, Doctor, wanna find out what I have in store for you?" 

Through still bleary eyes Yaz saw Akh'zar standing at the door and holding up a pipe, ready to hit the bars once more just for the sake of hurting their ears again with the sound. Despite her exhaustion, she was more than ready to wipe that disgusting smirk off his face. 

The Doctor made no movement, the only indication she had heard him being a snarky "Sorry, busy right now, ya should've come sooner or made an appointment." 

The door opened with a rusty creak as the colonel stepped inside while playing idly with the rod in his hands, followed by the same two guards as usual.

He surveyed the two women in front of him with disdain. "Had a change of heart? Last time I checked you were eager to leave this cell and enlighten me with whatever."

The Doctor’s voice was harder than the steel pipe Akh’zar still kept showing off and twice as cold. "That were before you strapped my friend to some shady mind reading machine without her consent and probably without knowing what it can inflict upon a human mind."

“Can’t say I particularly care”, he shrugged.

"I really hope for you that she remains unscathed, cos otherwise I might care even less about your fate."

Tentatively, Yaz reached for the hand on her hip to cover it with her own, squeezing lightly before her fingers instinctively slid between the Doctor's. 

She knew she wasn’t on the receiving end of that quiet anger, but she still felt a shiver running down her spine at hearing the almost hateful words falling from her lips. It didn’t matter that she had witnessed the Doctor turning cold multiple times, it still put her on edge.

Or maybe it did matter. Maybe she continued struggling with reconciling the dorky and kind alien with the dark and dangerous face she sometimes failed to keep hidden. It was one of the many things that continuously showed her how little she actually knew about the woman she was travelling with and trusting so blindly with her life. And her heart, it seemed.

In the end, what she definitely knew was that she didn’t ever want the Doctor to stray unto the darkness inside her on her behalf.

"While I'd usually enjoy this back and forth, I still got some other and admittedly more important things to see to today, so let's cut to the chase. You better move now or I'll send your little friend directly to the slave master to break her in."

Yaz's breath caught in her throat, her fight or flight instinct kicking in at those words, and in the way the Doctor stiffened beside her, she wasn’t the only one affected by his threat. There was no doubt about Akh’zar meaning every syllable.

Reluctance oozing visibly from every fiber of her being, the blonde slowly disentangled herself from Yaz and stood to face their captor. 

It earned her nothing more than a chuckle. “I don’t get it, Doctor. Whatever you are is clearly so much more than a mere human could ever be, why are you so easily manipulated when it comes to her? This attachment is pathetic.”

“The fact you need to dangle her life and wellbeing in front of me like a carrot to get me to cooperate says a lot more about you than it does about me”, she replied evenly, not rising to the bait. 

Apparently her words had struck a nerve with the colonel as he clenched his jaw and wordlessly motioned his guards to grab the blonde.

“Oi, watch it, I love this coat!” 

From the floor, Yaz watched the Doctor put up a halfhearted fight - that was probably more for show than for anything else - while she found herself unable to move or do anything else despite her brain screaming at her to do  _ something _ . 

Yet the Doctor didn’t seem to mind her sudden paralysis, she just cast her a reassuring smile over her shoulder as they led her away. Their role reversal from hours before couldn’t have been more obvious and right in her face.

Yaz was just glad that the other woman’s smile seemed to be way more genuine than her own had been back then.

Being alone and left with nothing to do, she closed her eyes again and tried to get a few more minutes of rest in. However it didn’t take long for her to notice the fruitlessness, her every cell being on edge making it impossible.

Minutes passed as she stared at the wall in front of her, minutes that felt like hours already. 

Deafening in the silence, a faint whirring filled the air. 


	11. eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and Akh'zar have a heart to heart (or they would, if there were any love between them)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what a fucking wild ride these past few days, eh? just take a few minutes off from staring at the pending election results and read this chapter instead!
> 
> you might've noted the rating change... this just means I've written the smutty part, but when will I post it? which chapter's it gonna be? Well, wait and see ;)

Yaz was just about ready to jump up and whoop for joy as she heard the more than familiar sound. With every passing millisecond the whirring and wheezing grew louder and louder and she was expecting the TARDIS to materialise in front of her any given moment.

Then everything went quiet again.

Where she had hoped the beloved ship to appear, only silence filled the space yet again. She could practically feel her face falling, her heart hot on its tail. 

In the same place that disappointment had quickly made its nest inside her, dread started creeping in as well. Had Akh'zar's machine turned her brain to mush for good? Was she starting to imagine things because he had destroyed some vital synapses? The way her head was still aching certainly supported the theory. 

It felt different from the headaches she got when memories pushed their way to the surface, more like a proper migraine just waiting to happen.

Carefully, she let her head fall back against the stones and buried her face in her palms. While it was already sufficiently dark in their cell, Yaz was filled by a need for even more blackness around her, hoping it might soothe her pounding brain. 

At last, the day’s - or had it already been two days? Who even knew - events caught up on her body, a bone deep exhaustion spreading through each and every of her limbs, fuelled by the dull throbbing behind her eyelids. Feeling weighed down by everything and nothing, Yaz finally gave in and succumbed to a dreamless sleep.

\--

Pursing her lips in distaste, the Doctor stared at Akh’zar while the guards worked around her. “Is tying me down really necessary?”

“Oh believe me, it’s better you got something to hold onto - or rather to hold you onto something. Don’t want you to injure yourself.”

She couldn’t help rolling her eyes. It seemed like no matter where and when she travelled in the universe - parallel worlds included - there were certain types of character that never died out. Colonel Akh’zar was a prime example of that. A classic example of power hunger combined with misled pride. 

Fortunately, she had more than enough experience dealing with this kind of person.

Sighing, she decided to give him another chance. "D'ya really think strapping this onto my head is a good idea? It'd probably save you some time and trouble if ya just asked me."

The colonel merely snorted at the suggestion and leaned back in his seat, his arms crossed over his chest. "And believe your lies? I don't think so."

Calmly, the Doctor watched one of the guards approach her with the frighteningly primitive contraption. She had decided to call him Diddly, since he - she, they? - was the one who did most of the colonel's bidding. The other one was dubbed Doo. Diddly and Doo, Diddly'n'Doo, Diddlydoo… It rang a bell with her, but she couldn't put her finger on where and when she had heard that before. 

"Don't say I didn' warn you", she concluded, shrugging as best as she could with her arms tied to the armrests.

Completely disregarding her, Akh’zar pushed the red button on the small control unit and the device on her head, which looked almost like an ancient version of the Chameleon Ark, sprung to life with a faint buzz. 

A prickly sensation spread from her temples into her brain and she frowned at the unwelcome intrusion. She could only imagine how this must've felt for Yaz, for someone who had no practise in constructing and keeping up mental barriers, who was an open book for any telepathic being or mind-intruding device once it got through the first and only barrier humans had. 

The pain must've been blinding, no wonder Yaz had been disoriented and beside herself. 

While she didn't believe in revenge and all its thrills, she figured a little payback was okay from time to time. 

Quirking an eyebrow at the man on the other side of the table, she withstood the probing and prodding at her mind with ease while he was watching her closely and wondering why nothing was happening on the screen in front of him. 

"So this thing is supposed to do something?" she egged him on, putting a layer of boredom into her voice. 

It had the desired effect. Clenching his jaw hard enough for the vein at his neck to bulge, Akh'zar cranked up various dials. 

The Doctor felt the pushing at her brain increase, but it was nothing she couldn't easily hold off for days and days. Putting on a show, she yawned. 

More dial turning, more probing and hammering. 

Just a bit more, just a tiny bit. 

When the buzzing inside her head reached an annoying level, she knew the moment had come and cast Akh’zar a broad grin. Without preamble, the Doctor opened her defenses and pushed a bunch of random memories forward, right back against the source.

The colonel didn’t even get the chance to properly express his confusion at her behaviour before the machine on the table exploded into a thousand pieces, leaving barely anything but smoke and ashes behind. 

After the loud bang, a moment of silence befell the room with everybody except the Doctor being too stunned to react at first. When the smoke cleared enough for her to make out her opponent’s face again, she shook her head vigorously to get rid of the debris that had landed in her hair, as well as what was left of the machine’s headgear. 

Blowing a stray lock out of her face, she gave Akh’zar an almost innocent smile. "I take it you're not the kinda person who likes to be told 'I told you so', but… I told ya."

“I… What the hell are you?!”, he barked out through gritted teeth, his skin turning red with anger. It almost looked as if the remaining smoke in the air was coming right out of his head.

“Ah, finally asking a decent question - disregarding that lil bit of cussing there -, a simple one at that! Tell ya what, I’ll totally answer that once you untied me, eh? C’mon, I ain’t gonna bite, pinky promise.”

Wordlessly, the colonel got up from his seat and dusted himself off, not sparing her a single glance in the process. He was making her wait deliberately and thus trying to regain complete control of the situation. If she hadn’t wanted to jeopardise the freedom of her limbs, she would’ve rolled her eyes again at his act. Exerting every ounce of self control, she kept her leg from bouncing impatiently.

When he decided he had left her hanging for long enough, Akh’zar finally motioned Diddly to remove her restraints. Shaking her now free arms and rubbing her wrists, the Doctor made a show of her newfound freedom. Two could play this game after all.

“Don’t make me regret this, Doctor”, he had taken his place opposite her again, “Now answer my question.”

“I’m a Time Lord”, she replied matter-of-factly.

“You say it like it’s supposed to mean something to me.”

The Doctor raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Oh, ya haven’t heard of us? Can’t blame you, to be honest, sometimes I wish I hadn’t heard of us as well, but that’s how it is with family ‘n all that, innit?”

It was a rare occurrence meeting someone who had never heard of her people before. Thanks to their questionable behaviour throughout history every species tended to have an opinion about Gallifrey and its inhabitants - and it was rarely a good one.

Meanwhile, Akh’zar had started pressing various buttons on some sort of miniature scanning device. When he looked at her again, it was plain to see that it hadn’t given him the answer he wanted.

“Try again.”

“‘M sorry?”

“Stop playing dumb and tell me what you really are, this scanner knows all species in the whole universe and Time Lords are not one of them. So stop making up pompous words and tell me the truth. Don’t forget I still got your little human pet.”

She bristled at that. 

The images of Gallifrey burning -  _ again _ \- were still haunting her every time she closed her eyes, all the anger and despair raging inside her ripped her wounds open every single day. She wouldn’t let him insult her home and all she had lost by calling her a liar, no matter how much she cursed her people sometimes.

Gritting her teeth, she regarded him with an icy stare. “Oh I’m not lying, though soon you might wish I was. Look for the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous, maybe it’ll ring a bell.”

Acting like he was just humouring her, Akh’zar typed away again. Judging by his raised eyebrows, however, he had found something interesting in his database at last.

“Gallifrey was destroyed thousands of years ago according to this”, curiosity evident in features, he looked at her with renewed interest, “How many of you are still out there?”

The Master’s face popped up uninvitedly in her mind. “It’s actually a bit more complicated than that since we can time travel and then I created that time bubble and… but as far as I know it’s only me.”

“No wonder you’re travelling with a human, you desperately needed company”, he clicked his tongue in distaste, “So you’re just as much a survivor as my people are.”

“Well, they won’t be for much longer if you refuse to actually listen to what I have to say! ‘N while I’m honestly not too fond of helping you specifically, I don’ want all these innocent people out there to suffer. So please, let me finally say what I have to say!”, she implored.

Heaving a dramatic sigh, the colonel waved his hand dismissively. "For all intents and purposes, say what you have to say so we can get to interesting matters."

It took all of her strength to keep an impassive face. Every twelve or something adventures she seemed to encounter a person who was especially out to test her patience - and apparently the dozen was full again. 

_ Breathe, Doctor, think of the other innocent people. Think of Yaz waiting in that horrible cell for your return. _

"When we landed I thought this moon were uninhabited, because my ship's database said there's never been any life on here throughout recorded history, past or future."

"Well, clearly your database is faulty."

"Except it isn't, never was. There is no possibility that the TARDIS doesn't know about something. If there has ever been a single recording of something, a mere sentence scribbled on a napkin is enough, she knows about it and it's part of her database."

"So what are you implying?" 

"I could get to that if you stopped interrupting me after every sentence", the Doctor raised a challenging eyebrow, "Something is about to happen here that prevents your settlement from becoming a part of history. My best guesses are that either everyone gets killed some way or other or that your collective memory and that of everyone who has ever known about you gets erased. 'N you wanna know what else?"

“I probably don’t.”

She decided to ignore his insolence. "It's all gonna be my fault cos the creatures who're about to arrive are actually after me. Your people are gonna be collateral damage to a feud that never had anything to do with them if you don’t let us leave this moon ASAP.”

“Nice story, Doctor, very dramatic and compelling, can’t say I have heard that one before, but still not enough to buy your freedom, unfortunately. There is just so much more I want to know first - relevant stuff, you know how it is.”

He pulled her screwdriver and Yaz’s phone out of his pockets and put them on the table, just far enough out of her reach so he could grab them immediately if she decided to have a go at them. “What are these supposed to do?”

While she was still internally reeling from his outright dismissal of her explanation, the Doctor couldn’t help the relief that washed over her at the sight of her beloved sonic. A little part of her had been worried that she would have to go on an impromptu scavenger hunt to get it back - and while scavenger hunts were absolute fun and an amazing pastime, being on the verge of a catastrophe tended to suck the joy out of it.

“Oh, not much”, she waved her hand, “One makes a whirring sound and the other shows pretty pictures and makes a lot more noises.”

“Don’t you dare take me for a fool, I know you two have been trying to pull some stint with these devices when I came for your little friend.”

“I mean, I’d offer you to let me demonstrate, but--”

Akh’zar barked a laugh. “Do you really think I’m that stupid?!”

“--as I were just about to say: you’re not that stupid”, petulantly, she crossed her arms in front of her chest, “‘N interrupting me again and again makes me not want to answer anything anymore.” 

“So far your answers have been sparse at best, useless at worst.”

Time was slipping away from her, she could practically feel it fall through her fingers like grains of sand. It wouldn’t be long until  _ they _ arrived and all hell broke loose.

“So far ya haven’t been a good listener, either. ‘N usually the problem with communication lies more in what is heard than in what is actually said.”

“Quite the wisecracker, aren’t you?”

“What I am isn’t really the point when I’m actually trying to save you, don’t you think?”

“You’re delusional, if there were anyone to approach us from outside the atmosphere we would notice. Hell, we even noticed your little teleport stint!”

How could a person be so stubborn and thick, how could he just outright refuse to even entertain the thought of something dangerous going on and threatening his people? It made her sad to think that maybe the colonel just didn’t care enough for anyone else but himself. Still, she had to keep on trying.

“It doesn’t work like that, they don’ just knock politely or wave banners or anything”, she started gesticulating wildly as a thought crossed her mind, “they’re probably already here.”

“Bullshit, they can’t be, we didn’t pick up anything.”

“You really didn’t listen to a word I just said, did y--”

She felt it before the first sound waves even reached her ears. 

_ It worked _ , she was ready to scream her happiness from the rooftops,  _ thank the universe it worked _ .

Confused and maybe even a bit scared, he jumped up from his seat and looked around. “What the hell is that noise, now?”

Still sitting calmly on her chair, a broad grin spread on the Doctor’s face. “You’ll find out in a few seconds, but don’t panic.”

“Why would I panic? I’m not falling for one of your tri--”

The words died on his tongue as the TARDIS materialised around them.


	12. twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone gets tied up and someone gets freed (after getting tied up), it's called balance, look it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since I got some good news today (okay technically it was yesterday but shhhhhh), you get the chapter one day earlier!  
>  ~~Funny how I'm saying this like I actually got a posting schedule that isn't like uhhhh once a week but which weekday only the gods know~~

Akh’zar stayed true to his word and did in fact not panic, he rather froze in shock. His attempts to make sense of his surroundings left him gaping, his eyes flitting back and forth between different parts of the ship and the woman in front of him. 

His bewilderment left her with just enough time to grab the sonic and the phone in one swift movement. 

“Holy shit!”

Hearing the familiar voice, the Doctor spinned on her heels, greeting her friends with outstretched arms and coat tails flapping behind her as if she had just performed a magic trick.

“Hiya! ‘M so glad the transmission worked and ya managed to activate the protocol, gold stars for both of ya! Or rather for myself cos I’m an excellent teacher?” The two men raised their eyebrows at that. “‘Kay, apparently not. I think I were rewarding points anyway, weren’t I?”

“Uhm, Doc…”

While she was facing her friends, the colonel had shook himself out of his stupor and decided to take his chances by sneaking up on her from behind, completely disregarding that both Ryan and Graham could see him. His confusion about everything still left him somewhat careless, much to their advantage.

Completely in her element, the Doctor practically danced away from him just as he was about to pounce, leaving him to stumble gracelessly and fall to his knees.

“‘M really not a fan of this tying someone up without their consent business, so can you behave until I’ve figured out a way to get everyone out of this mess alive and well?”

His answer was another lunge at her, but this time Ryan was quick enough to hold him back, grabbing his arms behind his back and rendering him immobile. For someone with the rank of a colonel he seemed to have not that much actual fighting experience. It didn’t surprise her, to be honest, since from the first second on he had seemed like someone who relied on fear and his reputation to get what he wanted. That and making others do his dirty work.

“Got anything to tie him up, Doc?”

She patted her coat down frantically. When that didn’t yield the desired result, she immediately squatted down on her heels to remove one of the floor panels. Sticking her tongue out the side of her mouth in deep concentration, she rummaged around blindly until she felt what she had been searching for - and yanked.

Falling back onto her butt, the Doctor triumphantly held up a long piece of tube, much to her friends’ apprehension.

“Did you just pull out some of the TARDIS’ innards?”, Ryan asked disbelievingly over Akh’zar’s shoulder.

“No. Well, kinda. Yeah, fine, bu’ don’ worry, it were more of a spare part anyway. Meant to clean up down there for a while now.”

She could see the struggle in his eyes whether he should say anything to that or not. A long beat of silence passed between them, then the young man decided at last to save himself the trouble and just roll with it.

Once Ryan was busy tying the colonel to a column, the older man addressed something that had been bugging him from the moment they had landed. “So, Doc, where’s Yaz?”

“Excellent question, Graham! She should still be in the cell they were keeping us in, we only need to get her and then we’ll hopefully be off before anything worse happens.”

“Why’re you heading for the door, just use the TARDIS!”

The Doctor scrunched up her face apologetically. “She doesn’t like short-range trips, tends to throw a fit every time I try my luck with it. Can’t risk her hiding my custard cream stash again, sorry.”

He gawked at her. “So what you’re saying is we have to get back out there and face these creatures again after we’ve just managed to get you back safely?”

“It sounds like a really bad idea when you phrase it like that.”

“That’s cos it is!”

“Oh no, I think it’s a brilliant idea”, Akh’zar taunted from the sideline, “Go on, Doctor, my guards will be waiting for you.”

Graham shot him a dark look. “How ‘bout a gag for this one? Might make him a much more tolerable company.”

“Don’t think it’ll help much. Maybe a paper bag for his head, too?” Ryan added with a grin.

At this point, Akh’zar was seething from his position on the floor. “I refuse to be spoken about like this! I’m Colonel Akh’zar Rhambor, commander of the--”

“-- yeah, yeah, ya super important, don’t I know it”, she waved him off, turning her back to him in a clear display of dismissal. While it felt good to see him stew in his own anger and hurt pride, they needed to get their missing friend back. “Okay, fam - or reduced fam? boys, men? Boys to Men? Wait, no, those were others - anyway, we need to get Yaz. Let’s get a shift on!”

“We just gonna leave him here?”

“Yeah, don’ worry, the TARDIS will keep him from getting out or someone else getting in. No way for him to wreak havoc, either.”

“I bloody hope you’re right”, Graham muttered as they walked down the ramp, “I wanna see that elusive bedroom you promised in one piece after this.”

\--

The sound of the door creaking open again penetrated through the fog in her head, coaxing her awake. Her eyelids still felt heavy and refused to open, so Yaz half-conscious rolled her head into the direction of the noise. A pair of footsteps drew closer.

“Doctor?”

She didn’t know what made her wince more, the croaky sound of her own voice or the actual feeling of it grating like sandpaper at her throat. 

However, Yaz didn't have to open her eyes to know the painful grasp on her arm was in fact not the Doctor. 

\--

To everyone’s great surprise, not a single guard had been in sight when they slowly poked their heads out of the TARDIS doors. Technically, their caution wouldn’t have been necessary anyway thanks to the ship’s protective force field, but one could never be too careful. If there was something the Doctor didn’t particularly fancy, it was ending up in the same dungeon a second time. That, and pears. Or being wrong. Or-- apparently the list was longer than she thought.

Quickly, she scanned the room with her sonic for any hidden dangers or traps. “Okay, fam, we’re just gonna make a very very quick trip to the prison cells, get Yaz out and then we’ll immediately head back to the TARDIS and off we pop. Easy-peasy, right?”

“Sounds almost too easy.”

Huffing, she rolled her eyes. “Don’t kill the vibe, Graham!”

“C’mon, Doc, I mean… don’t you think it’s suspicious that not a single soul is around? None of those guards that bloke - what’s his name again?”

“Colonel Akh’zar.”

“Yeah, the guards Akh’zar mentioned, where are they?”

“Maybe they just fled in fear, the TARDIS materialising has scared off quite a lot of people by now.”

“I don’t think they even know how to spell fear.”

Without warning, she stopped dead in her tracks, causing Ryan to almost topple into her. Something was off about the whole situation, she had to give Graham that. 

These giants had so far seemed almost like pets to the colonel, absolutely obedient, not making a single noise or movement until they were instructed to do so. They wouldn't have run off just like that, the only reason for them to leave the room would've been instructions to do so, for whatever reason. 

The breath caught in her throat. 

"I’m such an idiot! We need to find Yaz,  _ now _ !" 

The Doctor didn't even wait for her words to register with the others before her feet started running on their own volition. 

The way down seemed to go on forever. Had there been these many windings and corners before? 

The longer they ran and the longer they didn’t encounter anyone else on the way, the more her panic grew. The building - if you could call it that - had never been crowded to begin with, but now everything seemed deserted, their footsteps painfully loud in the empty hallways.

Her worries were confirmed when she skidded around the final corner and found the door to their cell open and the room empty. They had taken Yaz as a fail-safe.

A frown set deep between her eyebrows, she scanned the surroundings with the sonic in the hope of finding some kind of trace, something to point her into the direction where they had taken her.

Graham’s voice barely managed to penetrate the storm in her head. “This ain’t good, innit, Doc?”

“It really isn’t.”

“So what do we do now?”, Ryan queried as he inspected the door’s hinges just to have something to do.

“M workin’ on it!”

There was a bite to her tone she regretted instantly, but right now she was at the mercy of her stress sensors firing at her relentlessly and not granting her a second to breathe and think properly, let alone to keep her tongue in check. 

The resulting silence of her friends weighed heavy on her shoulders as she fiddled with the door’s control panel. She would apologise later, she totally would, but right now she had to rewire this blasted piece of muddled technology to give her some information about this building and the whereabouts of whoever was in here.

Two electric shocks and countless curses under her breath later, the adjoined monitor finally showed her what she needed to know.

“Bingo! Let’s get a shift on!”

\--

Groaning, Yaz cracked her eyes open. Her head was pounding something fierce where an absolutely unwarranted blow had knocked her unconscious, only worsening the headache she was still nursing. While her surroundings looked similar enough, she clearly wasn’t in her cell anymore.

Looking around slowly, she focused on the first face she saw.

“Where’s the Doctor?”

“Clearly not here, as you can see.” The man’s voice was smooth as silk, yet it lacked any trace of kindness.

Well, she had figured that much. As inconspicuous as possible, she tested the ropes around her wrists. They had tied her to a chair, limiting her movement and thus the chance she had to fight back if push came to shove.

“And who’re you now?”

To Yaz’s surprise, he rose from his seat opposite her and gave a small bow in introduction. “Lieutenant Colonel Okar, I’ve been appointed to carry out Colonel Akh’zar’s orders in case of his unavailability.”

That last bit piqued her interest. “Did something happen to him?”

“This is nothing of your concern.”

A strange mixture of glee and worry formed in her chest - something  _ had _ happened. She just wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing, or rather whether the Doctor was safe or not. 

She let her head fall back against the chair. It was hard to think when everything was feeling woozy still. Yet somehow she knew that stalling this guy was the best thing to do right now. Coughing slightly, she cleared her throat.

“So, what are you planning on doing with me?”

“You’re asking way too many questions.”

“I’ve learnt from the best”, a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips, making her wince as her split lip ripped open again as a result. When had that happened? 

Okar clicked his tongue. “I’m not surprised, you’ve been here for not even a day and your Doctor has already acquired the reputation of being quite noisy. But enough of that now. It might interest you that I was instructed to execute you the moment your friend tried something stupid.”

A cold shiver slithered down her spine all the way to her feet, making her feel like she was frozen into place. So this was why it was called  _ getting cold feet _ after all. Apparently the Doctor had tried something then, leading to her sitting here and facing her executioner. 

If this was supposed to be her end, then she might be as daring as she could get. “Then why am I still alive?”

“Now this… this is finally a good question”, his smirk reminded her too much of Akh’zar, “You see, I just had to take one look at you to know that killing you would be a tragic waste. Or let me rephrase it: killing you  _ now _ .”

Yaz didn’t dare reply to that. Something had shifted in the air that almost forced her to hold her breath, and while she knew she wouldn’t like whatever Okar had come up with, she just needed to have it out in the open. The sooner the better, just like ripping off a bandaid.

He cocked his head to the side, fixing her with a stare that made her skin crawl even more than the colonel’s leering one had ever done. Clearly, he was waiting for some kind of reaction, but she refused to give him that. 

At last, a smug grin spread on his face as he pressed the pads of his fingers together. “No question this time? What a shame, I was looking forward to hearing that lovely voice of yours one last time before I’ll have your tongue ripped out.”

Yaz’s eyes widened in shock and a yelp escaped as two hands appeared out of nowhere from behind her and held her head in a vice-like grip. She tried to thrash and fight back, but the more she struggled, the greater the pressure to her temples got until it became unbearable and she was forced to stop.

A sickeningly gleeful spark in his eyes, Okar pulled a metal tool out of his pocket and approached her. “You’re a smart one, though, aren’t you? You’ve probably figured out that this is just the beginning, haven’t you?” He Lifted her chin almost lovingly. “You’ll make such a pretty slave, I’m gonna have so much fun with you.”

In a last ditch attempt, she kicked Okar’s shin as hard as she could, catching him with enough surprise to send the tool flying from his hand and clattering to the floor a few feet away.

“You little b--”

Just as he made a move for her throat, the door was blown out of its hinges. Parts of the wall joined the explosion, one of it catching Okar square in the back of his head, knocking him unconscious. The grip on her head loosened as the giant behind her was confused for a moment as to how to react to the unforeseen interruption.

Through the settling dust, first one figure and then two more appeared, three silhouettes she knew all too well.

If Yaz hadn’t been immensely grateful for the rescue, she would’ve rolled her eyes at the Doctor’s signature  _ deus ex machina _ tendencies.

With all the confidence in the world, the blonde strode in, their eyes immediately finding each other. Yaz could see her nostrils flaring oh so subtly when she looked her up and down, her eyes coming to rest on the dried blood on her face. 

Jaw firmly set, the Doctor fixed the guard behind Yaz with an icy glare.

“I know you won’t take orders from me, so I’ll make a suggestion instead: how about you let my friend go and in return this one”, she pointed her sonic at the still unconscious Okar, “remains unharmed. And you even get your other superior back.”

She could feel the fingers at her head twitching as the giant seemed to contemplate the best course of action. Apparently, there was no protocol for a situation like this and he was completely out of his depth. 

After a long beat, he moved away at last, and she released a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. The Doctor took that as her cue to move forward, instantly working on her ties with deft fingers.

“Are you okay?”

It was barely a whisper, and for a moment Yaz thought she had imagined the words, but then the other woman looked up at her again for a moment, worry evident in her face. One hand free, she silently smoothed her fingers over the Doctor’s frown lines without thinking. 

The hands working on her other wrist faltered, a shaky breath escaping from the woman in front of her. 

“You didn’t answer my question.”

She didn’t know why the blonde was whispering, but she joined in anyway. “‘M fine.”

They both knew that this wasn’t exactly the truth, however right now there was no time for lengthy discussions about pain and the consequences of hiding it. Begrudgingly, the Doctor accepted her answer for the time being and got back up on her feet.

Tentatively, her hand held onto Yaz’s now other free one, their fingers interlocking instantly. “Can you run?”

Barring the pain of standing up as best as she could, she stood up on wobbly feet, glancing from the Doctor to the two men still standing somewhat awkwardly in the door.

“Only one way to find out, is there?”


	13. thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know how to sum this up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be listening to the online lecture this very moment but I just had to get this out here cos I finished the pivotal scene yesterday and I'm so giddy to get there and I'M EXCITED ... it's still lots of chapters away tho, sorry folks 😅

As had to be expected, the four of them didn’t even get a minute before half a dozen guards were after them as they were running down the corridors back to the TARDIS. 

Swallowing the pain in her body, Yaz gritted her teeth and tried to push through it. While she usually had no problem keeping up with the Doctor, she found herself hanging back, her body’s previous strains taking their toll on her. 

“We need to split up!” came a shout from in front of her as the corridor divided in two.

And just like that, the Doctor and Ryan had disappeared around one corner, leaving Graham and her to turn around the opposite one. When she was sure the only audible footsteps were their own, she came to a stop around the next intersection and rested her back against the wall as she fought to even out her breathing.

Graham was faring slightly better than her for once, yet he still bent over and propped his hands up on his knees, trying to get some air into his lungs just as much.

“Was this really me life at some point?” he heaved, “Was every day this nerve-wracking?”

Quietly, she looked around the corner to check if they had lost their followers, before turning to him. “Not all the time, no, but every other day sometimes. Bu’ look at the bright side, you’re here right now which means that you’ve survived all the other days like this one. You’re tougher than you think you are, Graham O’Brien.”

“How can you be this chipper an’ rattle off half a motivational speech when you’ve just spent half a day in a dirty cell at the mercy of some bloke with an inflated ego?”

“The point is I’m neither in a cell nor forced to face said prick now, I’m trying to focus on that. That, and that moping won’t get us back to the TARDIS”, she bent her neck from one side to the other to loosen the tension that had settled there, the movement ending up being merely a drop in the ocean of all her pain, “Ugh, I’m really looking forward to a hot bath and some decent food.”

Graham’s stomach grumbled loudly in response and he grimaced. “I wish I still had one of ya sarnies.”

“Y’know, at one point you actually started carrying a spare one around in your pocket cos you got hungry so much on our trips”, Yaz couldn’t help but laugh quietly, the danger behind the walls forgotten for a moment.

“If we make it out of this, I’ll probably pick that up again.”

A comforting warmth spread inside her at those words. If she was being honest, she had spent a lot of time wondering whether Graham and Ryan would stick around and continue travelling with her and the Doctor if they’d ever get the chance to do so again. It was hard to resist the tiny seed of hope that was now taking roots in her chest.

She bumped her shoulder against his. “We will.”

A companionable silence settled between them, each of them pondering their situation and how to get out of it. 

"You know the way to the TARDIS, right?" 

Graham faced her somewhat sheepishly. "Well, I were actually more occupied with keeping up with the Doc, but I think I can manage. Being a bus driver just gives ya that gift of direction." 

Yaz could practically see Ryan rolling his eyes somewhere like he did everytime his grandfather mentioned his former profession. 

"Lead the way then, I think the guards are gone."

She had barely finished the sentence when the floor started to shake and crack. 

\--

Propping his hand against the blue wall of the TARDIS, Ryan worked to catch a deep breath. 

"You think they’ll find the way?" 

"'Course they will, Graham's got an excellent sense of direction."

Despite the confidence she put on, the Doctor was getting increasingly worried with every passing minute. Their friends should’ve come around the corner two times over, yet there weren’t even footsteps to be heard. She tapped the sonic against her thigh nervously as she contemplated how much more time she’d give them before she went looking for them.

"Bu’ what if- Whoa!"

Effectively interrupting her friend, a deep groaning sound permeated the air out of nowhere and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up in dread. Only two seconds later, the whole building started to tremble around them. Wide eyed, the Doctor turned to Ryan, pointing urgently at the TARDIS.

"Get in, ya should be safe in there!" 

" _ Should _ ?!" 

He didn't get another chance to protest as the Doctor pushed him inside and made sure the door closed firmly behind him. Quickly, before he could defy her, she sonicked the lock, shouting an apology over the noise.

“Sorry, Ryan!”

Locking a companion inside her ship usually didn't work out for her the way she had planned, but since this wasn't part of her plan per se, it should be fine, right? 

Carding her fingers through her hair, she tried to muster up every ounce of calm and rationality she could find in the midst of her oncoming panic.  _ They _ had arrived and she didn't know where Yaz and Graham were -  _ again _ . If this became an ongoing theme in their adventures, she really wasn’t going to be happy about it.

Sonic firmly in hand, she jogged down the corridor, hoping it would rather sooner than later latch onto their vital signs. While she had saved her friends’ bio markers a long time ago, she definitely needed to expand the range of detection as soon as she got a chance. Another point on her infinitely long to do list.

As the Doctor maneuvered around bits of fallen stone and cracking wall panels, the screwdriver finally blinked rapidly, and a quiet thank you to the universe fell from her lips. 

Relief flooded her system as she spied the two humans only ten metres away when she turned around the next corner. Completely disregarding that she could draw attention to them - she was pretty sure everyone else in this building was preoccupied with the sudden earthquake now - she yelled.

“Yaz! Graham! Over here, come on!”

Despite the increasing noise all around them, the two humans instantly noticed her and ran over. 

“What’s happening? It’s the same thing that’s happened in Sheffield, innit?”

Her hearts ached at Yaz’s strained voice and the uneasy way she held herself. As soon as they were safe in the vortex again she’d take her to the med bay and check her over at least twice. She still hadn’t decided on what to do with Colonel Akh’zar, however, and was tempted to make her decision based on Yaz’s state of health.

Pushing all ideas of petty revenge to the back of her mind, she took the other woman’s hand and started pulling her to where she had come from, Graham hot on their heels and eager to get back to safety for the both of them.

“Yes! So c’mon, we really need to get outta here!”

Without warning, Yaz put her feet down with enough force to make the Doctor stumble. “But what about all those people outside?”

Oh Yaz. Her beautiful, brilliant, selfless Yaz. 

If it were any other day, if they were up against any other threat, or if Yaz were in a better shape, the Doctor wouldn’t hesitate for a second to come up with a different solution than running away. But this was different, and no matter how much she hated making that call, she had to pick who to save today.

Still, a little bit of hope always remained. “If we leave fast enough, they might be safe, so get a shift on!”

That finally got the other woman moving again. However it turned out she still wasn’t happy with her response.

“But what if not? What is it even they’re doing? You never said!”

“Yaz, please! I need to get you two to safety before I can deal with that, don’t you understand?”

The silence of her companions weighed heavy and she could feel at least one set of eyes boring into the back of her head for the rest of the way. 

When they entered the TARDIS, she was faced with another staring match. Ryan was leaning with his back to the console, glaring daggers at the thankfully still tied up colonel. The latter didn’t seem to be too interested, however, as his eyes immediately landed on the Doctor as the door fell closed. Then he noticed the other woman behind her.

“I see you found your little pet”, he observed amusedly, holding the Doctor’s eyes, “Seems like I need to have a word with my dearest Lieutenant Colonel. If I remember correctly I gave him the order to kill her once you pull something off.”

While the blonde felt red-hot anger boil up inside her, Ryan remained considerably calm as he stated the obvious. “Ya really not helping your case here, mate.”

“Don’t you ever address me like that, I’m not your mate and I will never be, you presuming unworthy piece of human dirt!”

Summoning all hundreds of years of controlling the never ending rage inside her, the Doctor calmed her heartbeat and put on an easy smile as she turned to her fam.

“Ryan, Graham, can ya please get Yaz to the med bay and wait for me there? I’ll just quickly sort this one here out an’ then I’ll join you in a sec.”

A wild array of emotions passed over her friends’ faces. While the two men were mostly just confused and shot each other a miniscule worried look, Yaz knew something was about to happen she wouldn’t agree to. Like everything in this universe, remembering had its downsides as well.

Quickly, the Doctor shot them a look that left no room for arguments, telling them without words to make their way out right this moment. Graham was the first to cotton on and put a hand between Yaz’s shoulder blades, gently pressing her forward. She could see the protest forming on the other woman’s lips - about being led away or what the Doctor was planning on doing she didn’t know - but with Ryan’s additional help she was maneuvered safely out of the console room.

Knowing the TARDIS would guide them directly to the med bay, she allowed her rigid shoulders to slump and a just as heavy breath to leave her lungs.

“Aw, you don’t want your little pets to see you do something bad? That’s so cute.”

Glaring, she turned to Akh’zar. “You really don’t know who I am and what I’m capable of, so let me give you a word of advice: if you don’t want to make everything worse for you, you better hold your tongue until you’re outta here and I’m at least three galaxies away.”

“I’m not scared of you, Doctor.”

“And therein lies your mistake.”

Lacking all her usual flourish but instead with clinical efficiency, she pulled the lever and the ship shuddered into action.

\--

By all means, Yaz was in fact not amused. She might be a bit slow at the moment, both physically and mentally, but she had been well able to see the signs and read them. 

The Doctor was about to do something morally questionable. 

While she knew she didn’t have the capacity right now to resist her friends’ gentle push and pull, she was still determined to make it harder for them and started dragging her feet. It didn’t take long for them to notice what was going on - and complain, in Ryan’s case.

“C’mon, Yaz, you an’ me both know you can walk somewhat properly. Putting on a show won’t get ya back to the Doc faster.”

“If you’d just let me go back, it might.”

“Sorry, cockle, you heard what she said, the med bay it is for you”, Graham rebutted calmly, “Doctor’s order.” 

“Literally.”

She rolled her eyes at their chuckles. “Somehow that pun is even more annoying when it comes from either of you.”

In front of them, a door slid open with a hiss, bright white walls blinding them after traipsing around the dimly and rather gloomily lit corridors of the ship. The strong smell of antiseptic and disinfectant still made her wrinkle her nose in distaste, no matter how often she came here.

The hands on her shoulders disappeared when the men took in the sight in front of them, the display of shining and otherworldly alien technology leaving them wide eyed and gaping at their surroundings. Making her way to the bed in the middle of the room, Yaz casually swatted Ryan’s hand away from a particularly tempting button.

She didn’t think the TARDIS would let them damage anything in here, but she liked to be rather safe than sorry. Also, the Doctor tended to be just as whiny as Graham when one of her beloved toys broke, no matter the reason.

Suppressing a hiss, she maneuvered herself onto the med bed. With her legs dangling over the edge, she felt like a kid at the local surgery again - not necessarily nice memories. She had never sustained any serious injury or illnesses, however her stay at the doctor’s had always come accompanied by long admonitions from her parents about stopping getting into fights so often. And then subsequently getting grounded again.

“Would stop chewing on that lip if you wanna have some left. Heard they’re kinda useful.”

Graham’s soft words ripped her out of her reverie, the taste of blood flooding her tongue at once, and she let her lower lip slip from between her teeth with a wince. 

“What’s got you so worried?”

“Apart from Ryan making something explode within the next five minutes?” When his concerned expression told her her attempt at humour had fallen flat, she looked to the door and heaved a sigh, “Have you seen the look on her face? The Doctor is about to do something stupid, I fear.”

“Whaddaya mean?”

“‘S hard to explain. But sometimes, when one of us gets hurt really badly or some sort of injustice really gets to her, she gets like super dark and dangerous. Often ends in some sort of revenge or vengeful behaviour. An’ afterwards she goes on that silent and broody downward spiral where she probably starts hating herself for what she’s done and… everything about it is so heartbreaking to watch.”

Ryan wandered over to them, a shiny piece of metal in hand he probably shouldn’t have touched in the first place. “So ya actually love this alien woman?”

“Wha-?! Ryan!” Yaz sputtered, her cheeks already taking on a rosy shade, “Where’d you get that from now?”

Her friend merely shrugged, grinning smugly. “I mean, I can’t remember what it’s been like before, but you two’ve been reunited for what, a day, a day and a half now, and you’ve been orbiting around each other like some sort of suns or planets.”

While with every additional memory - especially that kiss,  _ oh God, _ that kiss - returning to her, not to mention the way they made her feel, Yaz had come to the same logical conclusion. That didn’t mean, however, that she wouldn’t instinctively deny everything.

“It’s not like that! We’ve always been bouncing off each other and never letting the other one run into danger alone. That’s how we work.”

Ryan gave her a long hard look until the twitching of his lips became too prominent and he had to give into the rising laughter. “Yaz, mate, ya just proving me point here.”

Another wave of indignant protest threatened to break and push its way free, but before Yaz could argue further, the door to the infirmary slid open with a quiet hiss and the Doctor strode in, her usual chipper self again.


	14. fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Graham and Ryan notice an emotionally charged situation and gtfo. And they are right to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was wondering.
> 
> Would y'all prefer chapters twice as long but waiting two weeks instead of one for an update or would you like it to stay as it is?

Before anyone could get a word in, the Doctor had already picked up a strange looking device and started waving it in front of Yaz’s face with a grin so plastered on that the younger woman’s worry only increased.

“Lemme just check you over real quick, okay?”

Scrunching her face in annoyance, she pushed the offending piece of technology out of her line of sight to give the alien a halfhearted glare. “I’m fine, Doctor, really, a bit sore but that’s all.”

“Yaz, please.”

The way the blonde looked at her made a suffocating lump form in her throat. She knew she wasn’t able to deny her any further when her eyes displayed such rare raw emotion, all her worries lying bare for her to see. While her heart clenched painfully inside her chest, confusion spread inside her brain.

Why was the Doctor so distressed? They had seen way worse - all four of them - on their little adventures, Yaz herself had been on this bed once with a gaping wound on her shoulder that refused to stop bleeding and the Doctor barking commands at the men while frantically trying to keep the blood from running further.

Now this, those few scraps and bruises, was nothing compared to that one incident. So why were her hazel eyes tinged with fear?

Sighing, Yaz finally relented. “Okay, what d’ya need me to do?”

A small and grateful smile spread on the Doctor’s lips, and she let her gaze wander over Yaz’s form pensively. Was she imagining things or was that a tiny blush blooming on her cheeks?

“I’d like to do a full body scan, if that’s okay”, it was oddly endearing how the blonde refused to meet her eyes as she mumbled her words, “Just like… take off a layer or two?”

Yaz bit her lower lip to stifle a snort. Trust the Doctor to get awkward about seeing some skin all of a sudden when both of them knew they had seen far more of each other thanks to other emergencies or dubious circumstances.

Looking around, she noticed Ryan and Graham had already fled the scene some time ago - probably due to the emotionally charged tension in the air - and nodded her consent.

When the other woman subsequently turned around to fetch whatever she needed for her little check up, Yaz used the time to pull her grimy sweater and shirt over her head, throwing it unceremoniously onto the floor for a lack of better options. She had just started with getting out of her jeans when she heard a sharp intake of breath.

Furrowing her eyebrows, she looked up to find the Doctor staring at something. “You okay?”

“I- Yaz, is… is that a tattoo?”

Taking in the blonde’s flustered face, she followed her gaze to her hip where the stylised TARDIS stood in contrast to her brown skin. While the memory of when she had gotten it was still a bit hazy, it was clear it was before the Doctor had had a chance to see it.

Slowly, the alien moved forward and dropped to her knees to tentatively press her fingertips to the inked skin, mapping the slight wells of the scar tissue and making a shiver run up Yaz’s spine and goose bumps form on her skin at the contact. A loaded silence fell between them as the Doctor took in the whole picture (and Yaz in turn took in the Doctor and the marvel on her face), both women seemingly holding their breath as not to break the moment.

“It’s the TARDIS, innit?”

She didn’t trust herself to speak, the reverence in the other woman’s voice too much to handle, so she merely nodded, hoping the Doctor would notice despite her eyes still being glued to the skin on her hip.

“When’d you get it?”

“I can’t remember completely, but it must’ve been one of the last two times you dropped us off at home.”

“That were months ago…”, the alien’s eyes snapped up to hers, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

There was something akin to hurt reflected in her hazel irises, mixed with something Yaz couldn’t put her finger on, something looking awfully close to… regret? 

“Dunno, guess I just didn’t want you to laugh at me for being so sentimental or something.”

Yaz had to look away when the blonde’s eyes widened at her admission, the raw pain in them was too much to face. In all honesty, she also felt ashamed for even thinking along those lines when the Doctor had never been anything but supportive and understanding for whichever personal choices her companions had made.

At first it seemed the blonde wanted to argue and voice her hurt about the indirect insinuation, but her jaw clicked shut again before a word could make it out into the open. Subtly shaking her head instead - at what exactly Yaz didn’t know -, she regarded her with a fond smile in the end.

“You humans and your constant fear of judgement. This is actually amazing. Now I know why the TARDIS suddenly started being extra nice to you, she’s proper chuffed!”

A low chirp filled the air around them that had both women grin in unison. 

“Seems like it were worth the pain at least twice over.”

“How d’ya mean?”, the blonde frowned at her.

Yaz gave an answering shrug. “Well for one I apparently got into the TARDIS’ very good books, and I probably wouldn’t have started remembering if it weren’t for the tat.”

The Doctor fell completely silent at that, even her breathing seemed to have stopped as her gaze almost bore through Yaz. When the silence in the room became too heavy and the low beeping of the machines too loud for her, she decided to seize the moment and ask something which had kept her awake a lot of nights in the previous weeks.

“There’s something I’ve been wondering about ever since I sought out the boys.”

“What’s that?”

For a moment, all courage left her and she deflated in her seat as doubt about the whole thing crept up her throat, trying to tie it shut. Seeing hazel eyes looking expectantly at her, however, she just couldn’t turn back now that she had started, could she?

Taking one last breath, she squared her shoulders. “How can it be that they have all these normal everyday life memories where all our time together should be and I just had a blank slate?”

The Doctor mulled over the question, a finger tapping a steady rhythm on her chin as she tried to come up with an adequate reply. “That’s hard to tell, every brain is different, no human is like the other.”

Well, that answer definitely wasn’t good enough for her. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been wracking her brain for a long time now and had come up with her very own theory, so she might as well present it to the timelord.

“Is it because they had something good to fill the void with, something they felt connected enough to to create fake memories that still stick, whereas I have nothing like that outside of this box?”

If it weren’t such a serious issue - and sad on top of that - she would’ve laughed at the Doctor's comically wide eyes and shocked expression.

“Yaz, no, you have so muc-”

“No, Doctor, I really don’t”, she sighed, the words pouring from her lips like water, “I know I have me family and me job, but none of that were giving me any joy or sense of fulfillment when you fell through that roof. Fact is, you didn’t only save that poor bloke that day but you saved me as well from falling back into a place I maybe wouldn’t have been able to get out of a second time. So there were nothing positive and realistic to fill the gaps in me mind with, that’s why it was so easy for me to remember again, wasn’t it?”

The woman in front of her fell silent, her face set in an unreadable frown. Meanwhile, everything inside Yaz screamed at her to turn away in shame for everything she had just said, for all the ungratefulness towards her family, for laying herself bare without thinking.

But she fought the urge and instead held the Doctor’s gaze without blinking, watching the thoughts run in circles behind her lenses just to disappear again. It was the blonde who turned away first, at last.

“I’m so sorry, Yaz.”

She huffed. “What for?”

“I’m sorry that you feel this way, that you’ve been feeling like this for such a long time.”

“Nothing you can do about it, really”, Yaz shrugged, meaning it. While they might be inside a time machine, there was no way to erase all the bad things without either causing massive damage to the fabric of time or changing who she had become as a person. She had learned that much.

The Doctor looked utterly crestfallen. “No, bu- I don’t know. I just don’t like you hurting, an’ it’s frustrating to know that I can’t do much about it.”

“But I told you you already did. This life here with you, with the boys, this is keeping me from going down that rabbit hole again. It’s keeping me sane, regardless of how often I claim the opposite.”

A small smile tugged at the Doctor’s lips, the corner of her mouth tipping subtly upwards. Then, however, her eyes found Yaz’s split lip again and she looked down on her feet once more, mumbling, “But not safe.”

Yaz closed her eyes in frustration and took a deep breath. They had had that discussion what felt like a million times over, yet the alien couldn’t seem to let it go and started blaming herself again and again every time one of her friends got hurt. Gently, she tilted the Doctor’s face up with her fingers, forcing her into the eyes.

“I prefer being sane over being safe every day. And I will say it again and again, every day, until your daft genius brain finally accepts it.”

The air between them shifted as both of them noticed how close their faces had gotten. Yaz couldn’t actually see the genuine smile, but she could feel it in the breath touching her lips as the Doctor more whispered than spoke, “Might take forever, tho.”

“I’ve got time”, she rebutted the same way, grinning just enough to not rip open her lip again.

The blonde shifted her body again, moving just that bit closer to make Yaz’s heart skip at least two beats. This was it, right? This was the moment they would kiss (again) and she would finally find out whether the things she was feeling were real or just some projections from memories that only felt half her own.

Exhaling shakily, she closed her eyes and waited for the gentle impact. 

And then the Doctor shifted once more, pressing their foreheads together. Barely daring to breathe, Yaz waited for her next move.

That never came.

Slowly, her eyes fluttered open to find the blonde’s ones regarding her quietly and… apologetically? A sigh escaped her unkissed lips and she closed her eyes again, their closeness making it hard to look at her without going cross eyed. She just hoped the Doctor hadn’t been able to spot the disappointment that had no doubt been reflected in her own brown irises.

The moment was gone again when the blonde broke their contact and hoisted herself up on the bed to sit down next to her. The scanning device remained long forgotten on the floor. 

Silence fell between them as each of them mulled over what had just happened - or rather hadn’t. Pushing her disenchantment down into the depths of her insides, Yaz went on to scold herself for getting her hopes up. 

Until she remembered something else, something that felt just as pressing.

“What did you do with him?”

She didn’t say his name, but by the way the Doctor instantly stiffened beside her, Yaz knew she knew who she was talking about. 

“I’d like to think he got what he deserved”, the blonde conceded reluctantly after a long pause.

“By whose standards?”

The quiet words fell between them like a sledgehammer, just as heavy and just as loud.

It was clear the question threw the Doctor well and fully off-kilter for a second. Her eyes filled with something akin to panic, the blonde started searching Yaz’s own for something - knowing the Doctor it was something negative, probably judgement, rejection or anger. Tough luck there, since Yaz refused to show her anything but genuine concern and maybe a touch of understanding. 

“Yaz, I-”

Without thinking, she searched for the Doctor’s hand on the med bed and loosely interlocked their fingers, catching her by surprise yet again. Yaz didn’t need to look at the alien beside her to see her head snapping down to their joined hands and back up to her. Giving a tentative squeeze, she continued their conversation.

“I know, Doctor. I know you’d never be unnecessarily cruel, but there were times today when I saw that look on your face and got scared, y’know.”

The other woman drew a shaky breath at her admission. “I would never ever do something to hurt you, you know that”, after a beat of silence she added almost desperately, “Please tell me you know that, Yaz.”

“I weren’t scared for myself, you daft alien, I were scared  _ for you _ .”

“Wha- why?”

Closing her eyes briefly, Yaz conjured the images of all the times she could remember the Doctor giving off this frightening darkness. “Cos those kinda looks, that blind rage in your eyes, this…, I don’t know, this darkness, always leads to you locking yourself away in your head and locking us out in the end. And it hurts, so so much. Cos I know your head’s not a nice place in those moments and I can’t stand you being so hard on yourself an’ making yourself miserable. You can talk to us about things, y’know? We might not be able to comprehend everything you’ve been through, but we’re still your family, splotchy memory or not.”

The longer she spoke, the more the Doctor gaped at her and Yaz was unsure whether she should be amused or offended by it. How this ancient being had the ability to either completely disregard or forget the support the people around her were ready to offer her without thinking twice was beyond her.

It was clear said being was currently struggling to come up with a response to her words. Her mouth opening and closing repeatedly, the Doctor was probably trying to come up with something while her still prominent social awkwardness kept putting a spoke in her mental wheels. It was endearing to watch.

In the end she opted for a completely different form of reply.

“You still wanna know what I did with Akh’zar?” the Doctor asked softly, her eyes cast downward and very much interested in a random spot on the tiled floor.

Yaz hummed quietly as she thought about it for a second. Would the answer help her sleep or rather keep her up at night? While she doubted it would be the latter, she still decided against it.

Looking at the distraught woman next to her, she shook her head. “Like I said, I know you’d never be unnecessarily cruel, and I’m pretty sure you’re not starting with it now. I have faith in you doing the right thing.”

A million things passed over the blonde’s face, every single one tugging at the corners of her lips just a tad more until there was a smile on them once more. Albeit small compared to her usual exuberant grins, it was all the more genuine and cast a shine to her hazel eyes.

“Yasmin Khan, you’re a marvel.” 

And then, finally, the Doctor’s lips found her own.


	15. fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The TARDIS is getting slightly impatient, and Yaz and the Doctor are somewhat reeling after their kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is ever easy and straightforward, is it? Also, after that SFX Interview with Mandip about shipping and her being the captain of the MS Thasmin I just wanna say: I hope you're leaving kudos, girl!

The Doctor paced the length of her rarely used bedroom - or rather  _ a _ bedroom the TARDIS had freshly conjured up for her - and had been at it for the past three hours at least. 

Funny, how she was apparently too distressed to even keep time.

She knew her hair must be standing up at the oddest angles from all the pulling and carding through it, yet she couldn’t be bothered to fix it. What for anyway? Chances were slim that she’d start calming down sooner or later, and the fam were all sleeping off their unplanned adventure in their respective rooms.

Not that they hadn’t already seen her way more dishelved than that anyway.

Once she had finished the next round, the TARDIS made herself known with a gentle prod at the back of her mind. Sighing, the Doctor took a moment to take a break from her useless endeavour and sat down in front of her bed, her back leaning against the foot of it.

“Don’ know what ya talkin’ ‘bout, ‘m fine.”

A disbelieving chirp. _ That’s why you’re wearing uncharted paths into my carpet? _

“Sorry,” she looked sheepishly at the floor, noticing the slightly more worn out fabric.

_ So what are you making such a fuss about? _

She huffed at the question. “You know fully well, why are you even asking?”

_ Because you need to say it out loud and hear it in your own words, my thief. Shouldn’t be a problem since you like to hear yourself talk so much. _

“Oi! ‘S not fair to kick someone who’s already on the ground. Literally!”

At first, when the TARDIS didn’t reply, she thought she might have given in and their conversation was over, but instead the ship had just been using the silence to gear up for a final blow it turned out.

_ Say it or I’ll wake up Yaz and send her to you. I mean, if you rather talk to her about it… _

Aghast, the Doctor’s jaw almost dropped to the floor as she stared at the ceiling in absolute shock. “You’re a mean cheater, that’s what you are!”

_ Okay, she should be with you in a few min- _

Flailing wildly, she scrambled to her feet. “No, wait! Fine, you win, okay?”

Instead of projecting actual words into her head, the TARDIS merely gave a more than pleased hum. 

The Doctor rolled her eyes at her antics. "Why in Rassilon's name did I have to pick the cheekiest and nosiest ship on all of Gallifrey?" 

The TARDIS laughed her amusement, a sound like wind chimes in the breeze. _ I chose  _ you _ , when will you finally understand? _

"Apparently never, you and Yaz seem to agree that I'm quite stupid for a genius." 

_ I think we agree on far more than that _ . 

A long suffering groan escaped past her lips and she crossed her arms in front of her chest almost petulantly. "Doesn't change that it were a mistake to kiss her. Again. I shouldn’t have done it back then and let it come this far, and I shouldn’t have done it today.”

While she had enjoyed every single millisecond of it, their kiss had also brought up a flood of memories again. It wasn’t a feat per se to do that since it often felt like she was reliving them on a semi-daily basis, but they still clawed at her hearts.

Rose. Martha. Donna. Amy and Rory. Clara. Bill.

River.

All those people she had lost in one way or another. She knew she shouldn’t pick up companions anymore, she knew it only ended in hurt and, more often than not, death. It hurt to breathe. Why couldn’t and wouldn’t she stop, why had she allowed those three humans to become her new family? 

Because she couldn’t deal with being alone, as simple as that.

_ Do you really think your feelings for each other brought all of this on? _

As if the ship had uttered some magic words, all fight left the Doctor and her shoulders slumped at their own free will. Rubbing her eyes tiredly, she sunk down on the end of the bed at last, burrowing the tip of her boots one by one into the carpet as she mulled over the question.

“Would you believe me if I said yes?” she mumbled like a scolded child, her eyes transfixed on a very interesting spot on the floor.

_ I would not only not believe you, I would hide your biscuit stash for at least two weeks as well for lying to me. _

Despite herself, a small smile spread on her lips. “It’s annoying how you know me so well.”

A calming wisp stroked the back of her mind, making her close her eyes and mentally lean into it. For a moment, she allowed herself to indulge in the comfort the ship’s presence granted her, but then the unspecific images took on a whole different form.

Gradually, the shapes shifted, swimming in and out of focus, colours changing, until everything was replaced bit by bit with the memory of when she last had felt truly calm and at ease.

Knitting her brows together, the Doctor cracked one eye open at the ceiling. “You’re playing foul again, old girl.”

_ I didn’t do anything, this is all you.  _

While she still huffed her annoyance, she knew the words to be true. The memory kept prodding and pulling at her, refusing to leave no matter how much the Doctor tried to push it back. Finally, she gave in and allowed her senses to be flooded with every tiny detail she could recollect.

Everything was so warm. That cosy and soothing warmth that only the closeness of a familiar body could create. A heavy arm draped over her waist and breath tickling the little hairs on the back of her neck. A sock-clad foot bumping against her calf. 

Yaz.

They had fallen asleep after talking for hours, trading kisses and offering reassurances without thinking twice about any of it. They had both been so content just having the other close after another adventure that could’ve turned out very differently.

She moved to intertwine her fingers with the hand on her stomach like she had done back then but only grasped cold air.

The Doctor’s eyes shot open again and she carded her hands through her hair, a frustrated whine breaking free from the depths of her throat.

“You know the lengths I’d go - did go already! - to keep her safe, so why do you keep pushing me like this?!”

_ Hope. _

“Hope for what?”

_ Hope to see you allowing yourself to be happy. _

She instantly wanted to argue, to explain that she was as happy as she could be, that some things were worth sacrificing her personal happiness for, yet some little part of her kept her tongue-tied. So, rather untypically, the Doctor found herself having nothing to say.

_ You should rest now, my thief. We’re all safe for now. I will wake you when the humans are awake again. _

Unprompted, the lights dimmed around her, and while the Doctor had the tendency to stay awake out of pure spite when someone told her to sleep, she couldn’t deny the pull on her eyelids any longer.

She just about managed to kick off her shoes and scoot up higher onto the mattress before sleep took her.

\--

Unenthusiastically, Yaz poked at her cornflakes. While she had - albeit unexpectedly - slept like a log, she felt far from refreshed and even farther from ready to tackle the day. If the guys hadn’t been up already and around the kitchen as well, she would’ve gone for another kip right there at the table.

“You alright, cockle?”

Hoping her eyes didn’t look as bleary as they felt, she glanced up over the rim of her bowl to Graham on the other side of the table. 

“‘M fine, jus’ slept too much I guess. Dunno why I’m still feeling so exhausted.”

He didn’t seem too impressed by her explanation. “Let’s just hope ya didn’t catch any alien bug in that prison or something.”

Ryan pointed his spoon at her. “Oh I think she caught a bug alright, bu’ it’s defo not alien.”

“Whaddaya mean?”

“Aw c’mon, gramps, she still got the love bug”, the younger man grinned, absolutely pleased with his little joke. “Who knows what her an’ the Doc got up to after we left.”

She really should’ve just stayed in bed.

Hoping her face didn’t betray her and the heat rushing to her cheeks wasn’t enough to cause a visible blush, Yaz fixed her friend with a stern glare.

“Gerroff! She checked me for invisible injuries and that’s it. Get ya head outta the gutter, Sinclair!”

Ryan wiggled his eyebrows in a way that clearly showed he had something more to say to that, but she got saved by the bell. Or rather by the Doctor.

Despite looking as much worse for wear as Yaz felt, the blond alien rushed into the kitchen in her usual grandeur, already chattering and gesticulating wildly before she was even completely through the door. Somehow, it was just too much this very moment.

Without meaning to, she tuned the other woman out completely as she watched the milk drip from her spoon, her mind travelling back to the moment the Doctor’s lips had crashed into her own.

While everything surrounding that particular memory was somewhat blurry and drowned in a wave of emotions, Yaz swore she could still feel the touch of her lips on her own if she just concentrated hard enough. Against her own volition, the tingling sensation didn’t stop there but immediately started spreading through the rest of her body. 

Yet no matter how distractingly good it felt, it didn’t gloss over the fact that the Doctor had bolted out of the room afterwards, a mere ‘good night, Yaz!’ thrown haphazardly over her shoulder, and left her behind, completely dumbstruck and without the promised check up. 

Yes, she had lied to Ryan and she felt not an ounce of remorse about it.

If Yaz was being honest, her emotional range was flipping back and forth between a dangerous combination of anger and hurt, and elation about the kiss and the subsequent observation that, in fact, those feelings she’d been harbouring weren’t merely an echo of her flashbacks.

No one could blame her for spending her night with a bunch of very vivid dreams that were now leaving her more dead to the world than energetic.

“Yaz, what do y’think?”

It was so tempting to just crawl back under the covers - preferably with her favourite alien - and let sleep take her once again. 

“Yaz?”

But she knew that wasn’t an option with everyone up and about, already getting into her business and not letting her stare down her breakfast in peace.

“Yaz!”

A hand on her shoulder finally ripped her out of her musings and back into the TARDIS kitchen (or one of the many, actually) and she looked into three sets of concerned eyes, blinking confusedly.

“Huh? What’s wrong?”

“Right back at ya!” came Ryan’s worried reply. “You were completely zonked out there, mate. Y’sure you alright?”

While she would usually smile about his concern, it was just too much today. “Totally, jus’ got lost in me head there, nothing to worry ‘bout.”

“Are you sure?”

Looking at the Doctor to her left, she realised the hand on her shoulder belonged to the very same woman, the sensation burning directly through her shirt and setting the skin underneath on fire. Any kind of protest died on her lips as her brain tried to process the feelings raging inside her.

Graham used her silence to ask the blonde the same question he had posed to Yaz before. “Your check up didn’t come up with some weird alien bug last night, did it?”

The Doctor’s back went rigid for a split second at his words, but she relaxed quickly enough for the guys not to notice.

“Nah, she should be right as rain apart from some scraps,” she asserted with absolute confidence, slowly sliding her hand off Yaz’s shoulder.

However, she couldn’t fool Yaz, and the sadistic part of her relished in the pink tinge on the tip of the blonde’s ears. 

_ As if you'd know since you didn't check up on anything but my lips. _

If she weren’t too drained to deal with the possible fall out, she would blatantly call her out. 

Groaning quietly, Yaz rubbed her face with her hands, earning herself another round of worried glances. She decided to ignore them. 

Nothing of it made any sense. Sure, she was used to the Doctor's behaviour only making sense forty percent of the time, and she had no qualms about rolling with it normally, but in this case her heart was involved and she really didn't like it played with. 

They had kissed before, the memory (and a few related ones, she noticed) was quite vivid by now, so why had the Doctor A, not brought anything up since their reunion, and B, run off yesterday? 

Subconsciously, she started worrying her lip again. Had something happened between them she still couldn't remember that was now the root of her strange behaviour? Had she done something bad?

Through all of her internal musings, the others were continuing their conversation - probably talking about her and the state she was in for good measure - but their voices only now arrived in her brain, growing louder with every passing second Yaz tried to focus on them again.

"So what's on ya mind, Doc?” Graham’s voice was the first to get through to her. “Cos to be honest, if it's not something that's gonna help us get our memories back, I think it can wait. Yaz really doesn't seem to be up for the next round of running for our lives."

The Doctor scrunched up her face. "It doesn’t include running."

"It never does until it  _ does _ .”

She mumbled the words more than she actually spoke them out loud, but it was enough to catch everyone’s attention after her long silence.

“Oh! Look who’s back among us,” Ryan poked her in the shoulder. “Where d’ya fancy your next trip to go to, mh? Wherever crazy the Doc has come up with, the med bay, or ya bed?”

Surprising her friend with her sudden strength, Yaz swatted his hand away and turned to the blonde beside her instead. “So, does your plan include solving our memory loss mystery or not?”

“Well, could be, maybe, y’know. Ya never know what you might stumble upon by accident. An’ I’m very good at stumbling upon - and over, I must admit - stuff, me. So--“ was Yaz imagining things now or did the Doctor actually falter under her unwavering gaze? “-- okay, fine. No, it probably doesn’t.”

“Probably?” she cocked her eyebrow.

Huffing, the Doctor pursed her lips and started glaring a hole into the table. “Chances very very slim to none. There, I said it. Happy now?”

Graham patted the alien on the shoulder as he made his way to the sink. “No need to pout, we’ll go on your trip as soon as Yaz is up on her feet again.”

“What about letting me speak for myself?”

The older man at least had the decency to look sheepish.

In the meantime, Yaz was battling with herself about what to do. Sure, she really wasn't up for a full on and possibly life threatening adventure, but on the other hand she didn't want to be the reason they had to hold back. Her stubbornness and pride weren't one of her best features at times, admittedly. She glanced at the Doctor again. 

The blonde had started drumming a nervous rhythm on the tabletop, betraying the anxious energy coursing through her. She was aching for something to do, for a distraction - whether it was supposed to distract her or them was anyone's guess, but Yaz had a good idea - and the silence in the room was putting her on edge more and more with every passing second. 

In the end, she made a knee-jerk decision.

“Doctor, can I have a word?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since nobody read what was in the beginning notes last time, let's try this here at the end again:
> 
> do you prefer to have chapters twice as long and wait for them twice as long or do you like it as it is atm?


	16. sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz gets her talk, the boys are wondering, and the Doctor does what she does best when trying to avoid something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By popular vote, posting schedule will remain as is, thanks for everyone who participated :DD

“Of course, what’s up?”

To be honest, she wasn’t surprised at not taking the hint. With all the patience she could muster, Yaz pointedly raised her eyebrows and motioned at the two men standing somewhat awkwardly at different counters, trying and failing to appear busy. It was always a delight watching the penny drop in the blonde’s face.

“Oh! Yeah, sure, lead the way.”

Sliding off the stool and expertly hiding the twinge she felt in her neck, Yaz wordlessly walked out of the kitchen, trusting the Doctor to follow her. She didn’t actually know where she wanted to go, she just trusted the TARDIS to lead her somewhere quiet. 

She hadn’t expected it to be her bedroom, in all fairness.

Throwing a halfhearted glare at the ceiling, she hoped the other woman wouldn’t read this the wrong way and bolt at the first chance she got. Turning around to face her, she immediately spotted the very uncomfortableness she had expected to see. Time to bite the bullet and put them both at ease, at least a little bit.

“Even though we definitely need to have a talk about us, there’s something else we need to get sorted first.”

While she was speaking, the Doctor seemed to go through the five stages of grief in the span of a few seconds, her body first tensing, then relaxing, just to tense back up again, clearly wary of what to expect. Had she always been this easy to read or had Yaz accidentally unlocked a new ability in the meantime?

When the Doctor’s gaze didn’t stray from her face but she remained silent at the same time, Yaz took that as a sign to continue. “Have you asked the boys whether they want to keep on travelling with us?”

“No? I should’ve?”

Of course she hadn’t, Yaz couldn’t say she was even a little bit surprised. It was utterly adorable how she was standing there, confusion evident on her face and completely at a loss as to why Yaz was even asking. 

“Yes, Doctor, you should’ve. They both lost their memory of the lives they’ve led with us and only got roped into it again accidentally. Again.”

After a long stretch of silence, the alien nodded sagely. “I see.”

“D’ya really?”

“No, I don’t.”

Sometimes, talking to the Doctor was like teaching social cues and manners to a toddler. So she took a deep breath and tried to explain it as clearly as possible.

“Y’can’t expect them to just plunge into this lifestyle when they don’t know what they’re signing up for. Sure, it went remarkably well last time an’ all three of us decided to stick with you, but you can’t assume they’ll make that same decision again. Their fake memories make them different people, too.”

Once everything clicked into place for her, the blonde deflated visibly. “So y’think they’ll leave as soon as I give them the chance?”

“That sounds awfully as if you kidnapped us”, she rebuked with a raised eyebrow. “But no, I don’t think this’ll necessarily be the case, but I also think you should give them the chance to think about it. It’s only fair.”

“You’re absolutely right! Ten points to Yaz!”, the Doctor proclaimed with newfound enthusiasm. “Brilliant, you are! I’ll talk to them right now an’ you go take a kip or two in the meantime!”

Yaz hadn’t even as much as blinked before the blonde had run off again, leaving her to catch a last glimpse of her flapping coat tails and the sound of her boots against the grated floor of the hallway. 

Groaning and rubbing her eyes, she sunk down onto the mattress. Admittedly, it had been kind of naive of her to think she could catch two birds with one stone and immediately steer their conversation to the very serious and important topic of their relationship or whatever it was, but still.

She had to come up with a better plan.

After a quick nap.

\--

Ryan watched the two women disappear with a smirk. 

“Whaddaya reckon happened yesterday?”

Looking up from the sink, Graham knitted his eyebrows at him in confusion. “What d’ya mean? The Doc checked her over and then they probs went to sleep.”

“No, what  _ really _ happened,” he rolled his eyes at his grandfather. “Ya can’t tell me there’s nothin’ going on between ‘em.”

Graham clapped a hand on his shoulder as he walked around him to get the kettle. “Son, if there’s anything I’ve learned in me time it’s that ya don’t meddle with people’s matters of the heart. What happens happens and they’re the ones to sort it out.”

“Ten says we’ll find them making out by the end of the week.”

For a few long seconds nothing happened as his grandfather kept busying himself with preparing his second cuppa for the morning and Ryan started feeling bad for even suggesting such a childish thing as a bet, the feeling only intensifying when the other man turned around, completely stone faced.

He hadn’t expected the next words from his lips.

“Twenty.”

“Atta bo- Oi!” Laughing, he dodged the dish towel coming his way.

“The absolute cheek! If I had talked to me gramps like that back in the day I would’ve gotten me arse beat into the next decade.”

“Thank God it ain’t 1840 anymore, eh?”

“I swear, one day-”

\--

As much as it pained her to admit, Yaz was right. Having all three of them back on board again and having just survived their most recent unplanned adventure had let her fall back into not-so-old ways again way too easily. 

On one hand, it really wasn’t fair to both Ryan and Graham to expect them to be in it just like that again, on the other hand, she definitely shouldn’t unnecessarily drag them out of the vortex as long as the whole issue with  _ them _ wasn’t solved. While they should be fairly safe just drifting around like this, even that wasn’t a hundred percent guarantee.

So instead of making her way to find the two men, the Doctor had decided it was time to take some extra precautions. That, and after having had one important talk already today, she didn’t feel like having another quite that soon.

This was why she was currently not just neck or knee deep in the TARDIS’ mainframe, but actually completely under the console. If she had been that keen on being alone that she had pulled the grating back into place above her, shielding her from any view, so what about it?

Adjusting her maintenance goggles, the Doctor regarded the wild array of cables, tubes, and some parts she had absolutely no recollection of ever installing. Now, what would keep the most parts of her brain occupied enough so she could come up with a plan?

Ah, yes. The Defence Infinite Timeloop Option. 

The TARDIS had activated it herself back when she was about to explode with River still inside, but the Doctor had never bothered to implement it back into the framework afterwards (there had been other things, or rather someone, to take care of). It wouldn’t hurt to build a connection up to the console for manual activation should the need arise.

Tongue sticking out the side of her mouth in concentration, she got to work. Or tried to.

Now she was thinking about River, great.

In an attempt to clear her head before the inevitable sadness could wash over and drown her, she shook it vigorously. Hard enough in fact to dislocate the small pick she had pinched behind her ear from its place and catapult it against the relativity differentiator unit.

Immediately, a strong spark zapped her and a hiss sounded not only from her own lips but from the air around her as well.

“‘M sorry!” the Doctor mumbled around the singed finger in her mouth. “Next time I’ll try hitting something less vital, eh.”

She was rewarded for her efforts with another spark to her other hand. In the end, once the TARDIS had finished voicing her complaints, the Doctor sat between the cables and tools cradling both her hands like a scolded child - and pouting just as much.

“Why do I ‘ave the feeling you’re mad at me for more than jus’ throwing stuff around?”

She got her answer in the form of a deafening silence. After waiting the TARDIS out for long enough, the Doctor sighed and, another a scrunched up look at her slightly burnt fingers later, got back to working on the DITO connection.

A silent ship was never a good thing, she knew that all too well, just as much as she was aware of her various fuck ups within the past few days. Jabbing her one and only mechanical screwdriver maybe a bit too harshly into the small gap in front of her, the Doctor tried to fend off the thoughts of Yaz with just as much vigour. 

It took a lot of effort and much more willpower than she would’ve liked - she was losing control of this situation and she hated that, a lot - yet in the end she managed to push everything surrounding Yaz except what was connected to their current and biggest problem to the back of her mind and put a lock on it.

She knew it wouldn’t take too long for it to break, though.

But first things first. They couldn’t stay in the time vortex forever and hope  _ they _ would just let up one day. Just dropping the fam off back home wasn’t an option either,  _ they _ would come after them just as well. 

No matter how she twisted and turned, there was no denying that she had to stop running and make some strategic decisions to finally get rid of them. Oh how she had wished to get around this, to not make this decision. 

Shuddering, the Doctor remembered the Family of Blood and how that had turned out. Back then she had hoped just as much that she wouldn’t have to confront them, that she could sit them out until they let up someday, but… 

Some things were just destined to repeat themselves, weren’t they?

The thing that made it that much worse this time around was, however, that while Martha hadn’t been a target herself all those centuries ago, her fam now certainly was. Her first attempt at keeping them out of harm’s way hadn’t worked out in the end, much to her chagrin (though, to be honest, she was only half disappointed), so onto Plan B now.

She was so lost in her thoughts and neck deep into the DITO unit, she didn’t notice the steps on the grates above her at first.

“Doctor? Whatcha doin’?”

The wrench fell from her hand with a loud clang as she bumped her head against the top plate of the box. Pressing the other hand between her rapidly beating hearts in an effort to calm them, she looked up to see a low resolution version of Ryan’s face towering above her.

“Gods, Ryan! Didn’t I tell ya not to scare me like that when I’m doin’ TARDIS stuff?” the Doctor pushed the grate away and stuck her head out. “Rassilon knows what I could accidentally disassemble! Last time I cut through the heating valves and we all know how that turned out!”

Shrugging, he sat down right next to her, crossing his legs and conveying that he intended to stick around for a while. “Probably, yeah. Still can’t remember, tho.”

It was kind of ironic how easily she forgot that they had forgotten.

Picking up the wrench again, she asked as casually as she could muster, “So, what brings you here?” Then, instant worry about Yaz’s state creeping in, so she added, “Something wrong?”

“Nah, but Graham’s off to bed an’ we’ve seen neither you nor Yaz since breakfast so I thought I’d check up on ya. Jus’ to see that you didn’t kill each other or something.”

She scrunched up her face. “Why would we ki- wait, is it that late already?”

“Yeah, mate. You’ve been at this the whole day now?”

“Considering that there isn’t really something like day or night here an’ you humans are one of the only species in the universe whose days last twenty-four hours-” she caught Ryan’s blank stare. “-yeah, ‘parently I have.”

“So what’s taking ya so long? Need a hand?” Ryan inquired while trying to sneak a peek of the TARDIS’ innards.

Frustrated, the Doctor pulled off her goggles and rubbed her hands over her face, smearing engine oil all over her skin in the process. “Shoulda been done with this ages ago, really, it’s actually a piece of cake, or as much of a cake anything regarding the TARDIS is, bu’ I keep getting distracted all the time.”

“Yeah I know that feeling,” if Ryan was under the impression she was talking about him - among other things - he didn’t show it, instead his expression shifted into something akin to understanding. “So, want some help? Don’ get me wrong, but ya lookin’ not too peachy and I think y’could really do with some sleep as well.”

First, the Doctor wanted to protest like she usually did, because for one, she could fix the ship very well on her own, thank you, and for two, she didn’t need sleep (she might need some peace of mind but that was a different thing altogether). However the situation reminded her of all the previous times Ryan had helped her with one little thing or another when patching up the TARDIS and she found herself unable to fend off the sudden wave of nostalgia.

A fond smile on her lips, she nodded at last. “You can hand me stuff, ‘f that’s alright? I know you’re capable of more, or at least ya were before, y’know, but-”

“‘S fine, don’ worry. Just tell me whatcha need an’ I’ll-” he looked at the mess of strange looking tools around him, eyebrows shooting up. “Just describe as best as you can, aight?”

Now her typical grin was on full display. Feeling a bit more than her usual giddy self, she gave him a two finger salute and disappeared under the grates again.

Despite having company, her mind drifted again as she tinkered away. While her thoughts were still running a mile a minute, they still seemed calmer, or at least more under control than before, and so she was coming to the final bit of her little project sooner than anticipated. She was far from complaining, however.

Stretching her arms above her head with a satisfied groan, she blindly held out her hand and made a grabbing motion to get the attention of her apprentice.

“We’re as good as done! The syncodriver, please. Looks like a wrench but make it hammer-y, can’t mistake it, really.”

Without a word, a tool made it into her hand, and by the form and weight the Doctor could tell it was the right one, too, but the miniscule spark shooting through her fingertips when she touched skin told her that this wasn’t Ryan’s hand at all.

Immediately, her head whipped around to face his replacement.

“Oh. Hiya, Yaz.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Lovely) comments make the author write faster (not necessarily on this story but hey) :D


	17. seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz takes care of the Doctor and they have (another) talk. Or at least Yaz tries to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I always write the chapters for this fic in pairs and I don't know why, but this time I didn't include a chapter break in the document and now I had to like somehow somewhere find a good spot for a cut and I'm sorry that this was the most fitting one

If it hadn’t been kind of sad to have it directed at her, Yaz would’ve laughed at the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look the Doctor was sporting. 

Subduing the little pang of hurt in the upper left corner of her heart, she nodded at the tool the blonde was clutching in an iron grip. “That the right one or shall I try again?”

“Um…” apparently only now remembering the syncodriver in her hand, she looked at it like she was seeing it for the first time, “Yeah. Yep. The right one. Five points for Yaz.”

“Only five? I really hope Ryan didn’t get more, otherwise I’ll have to file a complaint with HR.”

The Doctor scrunched up her face in confusion, clearly still too deep in her own mind and Yaz’s sudden appearance to get her jibe.

Deciding to let the whole thing slide, Yaz crouched down to dangle her feet over the edge of the open floor grates, careful not to kick the woman below her in the head in the process.

(Sometimes she had the desire to kick her just a little bit, to be honest, but she figured it wouldn’t help the conversation she wanted to have, now.)

That finally steered the Doctor back into action. “Ya feelin’ better?”

“Definitely, still feel a slight twinge in me neck but that might as well come from lying around in weird positions for like half of the day. Feelin’ wide awake now on the downside, too.”

The alien took that as her cue to take a dive under the console again, her voice filtering up to Yaz’s ears with an additional echo and a tinny sound to it. “Nothin’ bad with being wide awake, Yaz. Done my best stuff while being wide awake. Although… there were that one time back ok Zarkib, lovely planet by the way, should take you someday, even tho the food’s a bit rubbish, anyway… I actually saved that one village from some space invaders by sleeping, can ya believe it?”

“What, you actually sleeping or you saving them like that?”

“Oi! I do sleep.”

Yaz regarded her silently for a moment as she worked away. It could be residue from the dirt and grime of her mechanical endeavour, or her goggles, but she was pretty sure the lines under her eyes were more prominent than usual. In general, there was an air of exhaustion around the blonde she failed to cover up with her usual antics no matter how hard she was actually trying to.

“When was the last time you got a full night’s sleep?”

At first, she thought the Doctor hadn’t heard her over the incessant sound of her banging tools and other metal parts together, but when she peeked deeper into the hole in front of her, she found the alien opening and closing her jaw in desperate contemplation.

She decided to put her out of her misery. “Ya takin’ too long to answer,” and after a beat, “Are you done with this soon?”

“Almost done,” a blonde head popped back up and she motioned Yaz to make room. “Jus’ need to check if the on switch works.”

With uncharacteristic grace, she pulled herself up and strode over to the opposite side of the console. Brows set in concentration and the prominent line between them emerging, the Doctor fiddled with a few buttons before sonicking one at last.

Seemingly satisfied with her work, she propped up her hands on her hips, casting Yaz a brilliant smile that yanked at the coil deep inside her stomach just enough to let a familiar warmth seep out and into her bones.

Yaz made the split decision to throw her actual plan out of the window and go with her gut about it.

Mirroring the blonde’s smile, she walked over and carefully removed the now askew goggles from the top of her head, putting them to rest on the console. When she met neither resistance nor protest, she slowly, her eyes never leaving the Doctor’s face, raised her other hand to gingerly wipe at the oil smudge on her cheek with the pad of her thumb.

At that, a wide array of conflicting emotions passed through the other woman’s eyes and Yaz was starting to wonder if she had made a mistake, however then she noticed the way the Doctor’s breath hitched at their contact. Not only that, could it be her pupils were wider than a few seconds ago?

By now, Yaz would’ve expected the Doctor to run off or at least try to, but she stood tied to the spot, almost as if she was paralysed by either her own somersaulting emotions or Yaz’s unwavering gaze. Contemplating what to do next, she bit her lower lip - the side that wasn’t still split and raw - causing the blonde’s hazel eyes to immediately snap downward.

God, she wanted to kiss her.

No, this was neither the time nor the place.

So she did the next best thing and gently pried the alien’s hand, which had been holding onto the edge of the console like a lifeline the whole time, away and took it into her own, tugging lightly to get her out of her stupor.

“C’mon. Let’s get you cleaned up and then it’s time for some much needed sleep, mh?”

“But ya said y’weren’t tired,” the Doctor replied, voice raspy from being quiet for longer than usual.

Yaz shook her head fondly, intentionally ignoring her body’s reaction to her rougher voice. “This is about you, silly, you’re the one who  _ really _ needs to sleep. And if I’ve learnt anything from our travels it’s taking a kip any chance I can get.”

While the Doctor made to give her usual protests regarding the matter of sleep, her body betrayed her brain and their fingers interlaced so smoothly Yaz almost missed it. In the end, that was all the confirmation she needed.

Giving her a reassuring smile and hoping her heartbeat wasn’t as loud as it felt, Yaz pulled her out of the console room and into the direction of where she thought the closest shower to be. Opening the next best door and finding it to be a spacious bathroom, she sent a silent thank you to the TARDIS. 

The Doctor still on her hand, she wandered through the so far unfamiliar room, taking it all in. The ship had really outdone herself with this, even the towels were not only fluffy but still warm as if fresh out of the tumble dryer. If it weren’t for the alien beside her she would think about taking a dive into that criminally big bathtub herself. 

“Okay, Doctor… tub or shower, pick your poison.”

Letting go of her hand, the blonde looked around, her face displaying frustration at not finding what she was looking for.

“What is it?”

“Soap an’ a facecloth shoulda be enough, really, but there’s no sink…”

To her surprise, Yaz found that to be true, clearly more amused by that than the other woman. “Well, seems like the TARDIS agrees you should wash your  _ whole  _ body from time to time.”

“‘M not dirty,” came the mumbled but definitely self conscious reply.

She poked her into her oil stained cheek with the tip of her finger. “Ya face says otherwise. C’mon, a hot shower will do you a world of good, if not for your body then maybe for your mind. Even me mum can see how tense y’are up there.”

“Yaz’s mum?” the Doctor shot her an alarmed look, “How- Is she-?”

“Oh God, where’re you with your brain right now?” she groaned, grabbing a towel and thrusting it into the other woman’s hands. “It’s just a saying. Now get yourself cleaned up and then come to my room, alright?”

Yaz didn’t wait for an answer but immediately turned around and left the alien to her own devices. If there was some sort of doubt - or God forbid rejection - in the Doctor’s face, she didn’t want to see it.

When the door fell shut behind her, she allowed herself a deep breath before she started the journey back to her bedroom. Her thoughts were going a mile a minute, almost all of them circling around the conversation she still planned on having with the Doctor once she joined her after her shower.  _ If  _ she joined her.

(The remaining thoughts were about her  _ in  _ the shower, which wasn’t helping at all.)

It had been one of her bolder moves, Yaz figured, telling the blonde to come to her bedroom in what felt like the middle of the night with all those unsaid and unresolved things between them. Nevertheless, they had to talk about it some time or other, preferably sooner than later, especially since she knew the Doctor was able to let things fall completely under the table if she didn’t want to talk about it.

Sighing quietly, she pushed herself off the door. As it turned out, the TARDIS truly was in a good mood today and had moved her bedroom closer to save her from getting lost in her own thoughts while wandering the corridors. A quiet hum filled the air around her, putting her strangely at ease. 

If the ship was putting in all that effort to accommodate her and making this as easy as possible for her, the least she could do was stop worrying too much.

Time passed slower inside her room than outside, it felt much to her chagrin. Yaz wandered up and down between her bed and reading chair time and time again, checked up on each and every notification on her phone twice over, even held her breath once when she thought she heard footsteps outside her door.

In the end, there was no knock on her door, she probably had imagined the steps too. Rubbing her eyes when unexpected sleepiness arose, she decided - not without a good dose of hurt and disappointment - it was time to sleep since the Doctor wouldn’t come.

Once she had made it out of her uncomfortable position across the foot of the mattress, it didn’t take long for her to change into her pyjamas and braid her hair. Standing in front of the bed, clad in long cottony pyjamas and her bare feet digging into the plush carpet, Yaz cast the door a last hopeful glance. 

The silence was deafening.

Curling up under her blanket, she stared into the inky darkness in front of her. Yes, this was a setback, probably because she had been too brisk, but  _ no _ , she wouldn’t be deterred by it. If they didn’t have that talk today, they would have it tomorrow. Yaz was a lot, but never a quitter.

With every passing minute, staying awake became harder and harder, the remaining aches of her body demanding once again time to heal. On the edge of falling into the abyss of sleep, the timid knocks on her door seemed like a far away memory, the sound barely penetrating her consciousness. 

However when the door creaked open and through the gap light from the hallway got reflected back to her face by the wall opposite her, there was no denying anymore that someone was in fact around now. Rubbing the onset of sleep from her eyes, she turned around, blinking groggily at the sudden brightness.

Despite the difficulty of adjusting to the light, she would’ve been able to make out that special silhouette anywhere and anytime. 

The Doctor had actually come.

“Did I wake you? Y’told me to come over, bu’ I can just go if you wanna.”

Pushing herself up on her elbow, Yaz switched on the bedside lamp to even out the light gradient. One final blink and rub at her eyes and she was finally able to take everything in.

Looking at the Doctor’s body language, she definitely hadn’t imagined the almost timid tone of her words. There she was, the powerful alien, the one up on the summit, standing in her door frame in some blue and star-spangled pyjamas the TARDIS had probably laid out for her and looking as small and afraid as a kid after a nightmare.

It was rare to see her like that and it never failed to give Yaz a feeling of whiplash, especially when not even forty-eight hours prior that dangerous and angry darkness had been oozing from her eyes.

“No, I weren’t asleep yet. Come in.”

As the other woman silently traipsed into the room - she had even traded her boots against a pair of white fuzzy socks - after closing the door just as quietly, Yaz found herself at a bit of a loss. When she had thought about having this very important conversation, it definitely hadn’t included the Doctor coming to her when she was already lying in bed. 

By the awkward look the blonde was giving her when she came to a stop right in front of her bed, she wasn’t the only one who felt out of her depth.

Against all odds, a feeling of deja-vu settled inside Yaz’s bones, prompting her to throw caution into the wind and lifting her blanket as she suggested, “C’mon under, I won’t bite. An’ I’m pretty sure we’ve done this before.”

It could’ve been a trick of light or her imagination running wild again, but did the Doctor’s cheeks seem a bit pinker?

_ Oh. _

Seems like there was a lot she didn’t remember  _ yet _ .

Now it was her turn to feel the heat rising to her face, hoping her dark skin and the somewhat dim light would save her from getting caught. 

Nevertheless, the Doctor climbed in under the duvet, albeit she tried very hard to keep enough distance between them while still being covered by the edge of the blanket. For a moment, neither of them said anything, just taking in each other’s presence silently. 

The quietness didn’t make it easier for her to start, but in the end Yaz decided now was an as good time as any to take the bull by its horns. She just hoped she wasn’t about to get stabbed by them in the process.

“Doctor?” Dark hazel eyes found her own, in them the same uncertainty she was feeling deep inside her bones. “Why did you run off after our kiss?”

The blonde’s eyes flitted downward again while she reached out her hand at the same time. Holding her breath in anticipation for her touch, Yaz ended up disappointed when the Doctor’s finger found their goal at the hem of her slightly too big pyjama top, rubbing at the seam of the fabric in a pattern only known to her.

Seconds passed by, the only sound in the air their joint breathing and the odd rustle of the blanket. It was hard to bear the pain of silence, to wait the Doctor out, yet Yaz prevailed. 

And was rewarded.

Slowly, the woman opposite her looked up again as a battle of emotions and wills raged behind her irises. Yaz watched her open her lips, her hopes of finally receiving an answer surging through the ceiling just to plummet through the floor a second later, when in the end the Doctor’s mouth clicked shut again, accompanied by an apologetic look that was quickly cast downward.

Not raising her eyes from where she was still playing with the corner of Yaz’s top, the Doctor decided apparently to completely disregard her question to pose one of her own in the end. “I were thinking ‘bout fifteenth century middle Europe next, whaddaya think?”

Closing her eyes for a moment, Yaz prayed to every entity in the universe to grant her strength. One of these days she would simply snap if it went on like that, there was no doubt about it. 

At last, she simply took a deep breath and hummed in contemplation. She really wanted an answer and she definitely wouldn’t let her off the hook that easily this time. Still, Yaz decided to grant the alien a breather and humour her for a minute.

“Anything special to see?”

Immediately, the Doctor propped herself up on her arms, looking down at her with wide eyes full of excitement. “Yaz! So much! Europe is having a whole cultural revival at that time, universities are founded, great minds like Michelangelo and da Vinci are born, Gutenberg invents printing! You have to see this!” Then a thought crossed her mind and she scrunched up her nose, “Tho maybe not da Vinci, I met him once and I already gave him too many ideas by accident. Can’t risk doing that again.”

Yaz tapped the back of the Doctor’s hand to get her attention away from her derailing thought process and back to her. “So you’ve talked to the boys about them staying?”

Even in the dim light she could see the sheepish look on her face. “Not yet, but I will, I swear! Jus’ lost time working away on the TARDIS until Ryan showed up.”

“Calling yourself a time lord but losing time? Doesn’t sound too right to me,” she joked, poking the blonde lightly in her side.

The resulting uncontrolled squirm it earned her brought their bodies closer together by accident, their knees knocking against each other and Yaz’s hand trapped between their bodies with her palm pressed flat against the Doctor’s stomach in an odd angle. She could feel the other woman’s breath hot on her cheeks.

Just as back in the med bay, the air seemed to shift once more at their proximity. This time, however, it was Yaz who closed the remaining distance between them as she used her free hand to tuck a strand of golden hair out of the alien’s face and behind her ear, just to let it make its way down to the back of her neck from there.

She knew she was pushing her luck beyond measure, but if the Doctor refused to talk, then maybe acting upon her desire would kickstart her into doing  _ something _ .

Since the other woman merely shivered at their contact but didn’t move away, Yaz saw that as a sign to continue. Gazing into her hazel eyes for a long moment, she searched for any kind of stop signal, yet despite the strenuous silence there was nothing but warmth - and the odd trace of fear that always seemed to linger - to be found in them.

Closing her own eyes, Yaz moved forward and lightly traced her lips over the Doctor’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 KUDOS! Thank y'all so so much <3<3
> 
> (I'm still thriving from feedback and the like, so pls don't stop)


	18. eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The. Talk.   
> (or _A_ Talk)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many of you might not know this, but in Germany Christmas is celebrated on the 24th, not on the 25th like most Christianity-imprinted nations/populations. So here's a non-xmassy-xmas-chapter I guess :D
> 
> (Considering the chapter's content it can probs be considered a gift anyway)

_ Closing her own eyes, Yaz moved forward and lightly traced her lips over the Doctor’s. _

\----

To her great surprise, hands found her cheeks, pulling her closer as the blonde hummed against her lips after the initial shock had passed. More than delighted about the development and the Doctor’s initiative, Yaz wiggled her hand free from between their bodies to run it up between her shoulder blades.

As she went to deepen the kiss and prod at the other woman’s lower lip with the tip of her tongue, however, some part of the Doctor’s brain seemed to realise what was going on and activated her fight or flight instinct.

Wide-eyed and in a flail of limbs, the time lord pushed herself away and scrambled off the bed as fast as the blanket allowed. She clearly didn’t know Yaz had expected something like this to happen.

“Oh, I don’t think so!”

Not even thinking twice, Yaz’s hand shot out from under the blanket and wrapped itself around the Doctor’s slim wrist. Surprising them both with her own strength, she pulled her back with one hard tug, making her lose her footing and toppling back onto the mattress with a yelp.

It took a bit of shifting around, but in the end the Doctor was lying down again, her back pressed to Yaz’s front. Holding her tight around her middle, Yaz leaned her forehead against her warm shoulder and sighed at the rigid way the blonde was holding herself.

“Please don’ run off again, I can’t take it,” she mumbled quietly after a long moment that contained nothing but heavy breathing.

She knew the words were muffled by their position, yet it seemed they had reached their destination when the Doctor exhaled loudly and went slack in her arms. Thankful, she gave her middle a short squeeze before she tried to convey everything she was feeling.

“I don’t understand, y’know? I know we’ve kissed before, and I mean before our collective memory loss, I can actually  _ remember _ that, I can remember us acting like a couple for all intents and purposes, yet right now y’try to run away everytime we get close. What happened?” She took a shuddering breath, her next words already hurting her from the inside out, “What did I do?”

While the Doctor had been uncharacteristically still - or given their current track record it might be characteristically now - throughout her ramble, the last words seemed to force some life back into her. Gracelessly, the blonde turned around in Yaz’s arms and regarded her with a more than incredulous expression. 

Her words were barely a whisper, yet they felt interlaced with something exceptionally heavy. “Oh Yasmin Khan, you didn’t do anything, don’ ever think that.”

“Then what is it? Why’re you balking?”

Yaz could practically see the cogs turning behind her forehead as the Doctor tried to come up with a way to best phrase her thoughts. The longer it took for her to speak up, the colder felt the grip around Yaz’s heart as her very own list of endless possibilities passed by her inner eye. As it turned out, she still wasn’t prepared for the blonde’s actual words.

“I just don’t think it’s fair on you… you- you deserve so much more, more than I can give you.”

“What is it possibly that you of all people in this universe can’t give me?” Yaz inquired immediately, completely baffled by the entire notion. There was nothing the Doctor couldn’t give her, absolutely nothing. 

If she had to describe the look in the Doctor’s eyes she would say they seemed almost as heartbroken as she was feeling. The fact that the other woman seemed to suffer just as much as she did, did however nothing to ease Yaz’s pain.

“I can’t give you a normal life, family, children, all that stuff you humans cherish so much.”

She bristled at her words before she had even finished speaking. Sure, she was making a fair point, but how dare she assume to know what Yaz even wanted in the long run? 

The words rushed out through gritted teeth. “How d’you know that’s even what I want?”

“I-”

Yaz took one hard look at the clear loss for words in the blonde’s face and marched on. “Exactly, you don’t! Did you even take one step outside your personal pity party to consider this important little detail?”

Despite being a literal ancient being, the Doctor looked like a scolded child, shoulders slumping forward and eyes cast downward. Against everything, it cooled the anger in Yaz’s chest enough to hold out an olive branch. 

Slowly, she moved her left arm from the Doctor's back up to her neck, burying her fingers in the soft hair she found there. Yaz immediately noticed how she relaxed under her careful fingertips. 

When the alien remained silent, she traced her hand along the Doctor's jawline, forcing her gaze upwards again. 

"You can't and shouldn't decide for me, ever."

Her softly spoken words finally coaxed a verbal reaction out of the woman in front of her. 

"You're right, Yaz, you're right. It's just…"

She waited and waited, but the Doctor merely sighed heavily. 

"What is it?" 

“You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can’t spend mine with you.”

There was a strange quality to those words. While they might’ve been true looking at it objectively, they were doused with a rare kind of openness and pain, as if she had not only rehearsed them in her head time and time again but also said them out loud and meant them once before. 

It felt like slowly pushing a knife through her ribcage, and Yaz wasn’t sure if the origin of it was the realisation that there had been someone before her in the Doctor’s life (which would’ve been ridiculous since with being so unfathomably old there had to be several people the time lord had loved) or that it proved how much she just didn’t know about the woman in front of her.

Or maybe she had already known and forgotten. Everything was still so unnervingly unclear.

“Will I  _ know _ when all of my memories are back?”

She didn’t even realise she had thought her words out loud until she noticed the confused frown on the blonde’s face. 

“Um… did I miss something cos I dunno how you got from me being with you to that.”

“Turns out you’re not the only one here who can change topics out of nowhere,” Yaz rebutted harsher than she had intended. “Y’just caught the end of a thought process by accident, don’ worry. The point is… I  _ know _ there was something between us before this head wonk happened, but I don't know where we left off. And you're sending very mixed signals here."

"'M sorry."

Yaz was short of rolling her eyes. "Stop being sorry and just tell me what's up cos God knows there's a lot of that. And I mean some better explanation than your 'it's all for your sake' speech."

And there it was again, the infamous Silence with a capital S. It stretched on long enough that she thought the Doctor had simply fallen asleep on her with open eyes. 

Apparently the TARDIS had something to say on the matter, too. Slowly, the light in her room got brighter, not enough to blind them in their semi-tired state, but just enough to make both of them blink rapidly and the time lord to shoot an annoyed look up to the ceiling. 

“Can ya stop being so pushy? ‘M tryin’ my best here!”

If Yaz had to describe the responding whirr in the air, she would definitely go with skeptical. Her guess turned out to be right when the Doctor grumbled and bestowed another glare upwards.

“Seems like I’m not the only one who wants you to spill it.”

The other woman pursed her lips. “You’re certainly not, she’s been nagging me for a fair bit now.”

“I know the TARDIS always has your best interest in mind, so… if you won’t do it for me, do it for your sake and say what’s been eating at you.”

The low groan falling from the Doctor’s lips was pregnant with frustration. Almost imperceptibly weren’t it for Yaz’s arms still around her, she shimmied away a bit, putting just enough distance between their bodies to not completely break her hold. 

Still, Yaz found herself missing the warmth of her body immediately and tried to subdue that small prick of fear in the back of her head that the Doctor would run off now for good. 

When the TARDIS dimmed the light back down to how it was before, it came with a second change in tow. Was the Doctor… nervous?

Her expressive face was set in stone, yet the miniscule twitch in the corner of her right eye and her fingertips drumming a silent beat on the mattress between them betrayed everything raging inside her. Once she realised Yaz had caught her out, she willed her fingers to stay still, eyes glued to them.

The words came out in a quiet, defeated rush. “Maybe I’m afraid.”

It was almost tangible how much it cost the Doctor to admit that, and while Yaz was fond of the concept of waiting for people to talk until they were ready, she had learnt the past minutes (hours? How long had they been lying here like this?) that it was a fruitless approach with this particular woman. 

She gave her neck a tentative squeeze, gently prodding her to continue. “Of what?”

This time, the blonde took the hint almost willingly, the words tumbling out as if they had been waiting a long time for their release - which they probably had, Yaz guessed. 

“Of what losing you could and probably will do to me. Yaz, I’ve lost so many people… family, friends, lovers, some in the cruelest of ways. An’ while I know it’s inevitable that I’ll outlive all of you and there will be a goodbye one day or another, I just can’t help trying to minimise the damage. And having this,” she traced her index finger over Yaz’s forehead, initiating physical contact for the first time that night, “happening to you just made me realise how soon things can fall apart. I don’t know if you realise it, but just as Ryan and Graham you weren’t supposed to remember me again, and it’s a miracle you actually do. You’re an outright marvel, Yasmin Khan.”

Heat rose to her cheeks at the Doctor’s words. She knew she had been on the receiving end of them before, yet they kept on pulling on something inside of her. Embarrassed, Yaz tried to hide her face in her pillow without actually turning away. “Nah, I’m just too stubborn to let go of you.”

“That’s another thing I’m afraid of,” the blonde sighed, her breath tickling the short hair at Yaz’s ear, moving on before Yaz could voice her protests, “Y’see, there’ll be times when I’ll need you to stray from my side, to keep yourself safe. But you just can’t, and our last trip just showed that again. Y’should’ve stayed put behind those rocks and let me handle it, but you had to jump up and get yourself caught with me. An’ look how that went!”

“But I’m fine!”

“You almost weren’t!”

“I know the risks of travelling with you, of being with you!”

“I don’t think you really do.”

Only when the Doctor’s soft and sad words had made their way over the freshly dug canyon between them, Yaz realised how much they had raised their voices at each other and her grip on the blonde’s neck had gotten tighter in the process. 

Shocked at herself, she traced the indentations her short nails had left with her fingertips, trying to soothe the sting the Doctor must be feeling. Fighting against the shame she felt, Yaz looked at the woman opposite her ruefully.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

To her surprise the blonde merely shook her head and gave a small smile before she gently removed Yaz’s hand from her neck.

“I don’ think y’could hurt me.” One by one, she pressed her lips softly to Yaz’s fingers, “but please tell me you understand what I’m trying to say.” 

Now it was Yaz’s turn to bite her lip in contemplation. “I do, I think, but I still want to be with you. I know that everything can be over in the blink of an eye and that’s exactly why I don’t want to waste more time discussing and fighting about this. About us. Doctor, I understand there’s no real forever with me for you, but there’s right now. So please, if you feel the same for me as I feel for you, let us both have this.”

The blonde sucked in a large gulp of air, her chest rising visible with the effort, and Yaz prepared for their next round of fighting - as far as you could call it that when they were still lying in bed and her hand was cradled between the Doctor’s. Once again, the other woman tripped her up. 

“Okay.”

She blinked in rapid succession, completely dumbfounded by the alien’s response. “Okay? That’s it? No further protest, just…  _ okay _ ?”

“You jus’ said you don’t wanna fight about it anymore!”

Assessing her, Yaz let her gaze wander over everything she could see of the Doctor despite the blanket. How her shoulders looked so small in those pyjamas, her blonde hair tousled from their little tussle and her own ministrations, the narrow band of hazel around her pitch black pupils and the adorably confused look in them. 

There was really nothing she could do other than smile broad enough for her cheeks to hurt and scoot up to the blonde, burying her face in the warm crook of her neck. Immediately, she was met with the Doctor’s familiar scent and strong arms around her body. 

Yeah, this felt right. This felt like it was supposed to be.

The rumble of twin hearts was just about to lull her to sleep when she not only heard but also felt the Doctor’s quiet voice right beside her ear.

“So… y’still haven’t said anything ‘bout the Renaissance trip tomorrow. Yay or nay?”

Blowing air out of her nose in lieu of laughing out loud, Yaz shook her head in fond disbelief before exhaustion overtook her like a sudden storm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's a handful but we love her, right?


	19. nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor _never_ makes things easy for herself and thus, in a moment of frustration, Yaz decides to not make it easy for her either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, yesterday it was Christmas for me, now it's Christmas for all those ppl who celebrate it a day late :P
> 
> For you and everyone else, therefore another chapter!
> 
> Merry Christmas!

Blearily and quite reluctantly, the Doctor blinked her eyes open. Something felt off. Sure, it could be the simple fact that she was just waking from an actual long and refreshing sleep - which was weird in and of itself - but there was this other odd feeling inside and around her.

The mattress she was lying on was neither as soft as the one in her own bedroom nor as hard as the one she kept stashed away under the console for when she got too tired during repairs and needed a five minute kip. Also, there was a weight around her that couldn’t attribute to the soft blanket over her shoulders. 

Trying to move gave her the answer she needed immediately. An arm was draped over her ribcage, the adjoining fingers grazing her sternum with every breath. Yaz.

Oh. So that was that strange feeling inside her, she felt comfortable and safe. 

As soon as the realisation had dawned upon her, doubt crept back in hot on its heels. 

Pinching the bridge of her nose and suffocating a frustrated groan behind her lips as not to wake the younger woman, the Doctor tried to fight the unwelcome intrusive thoughts off with a mental broomstick. She needed to do something, anything, to keep her mind busy.

Breakfast. Yep, she was gonna prepare some breakfast.

Was it even time for that right now? Humans and their weird vehemence to stick to a schedule, somehow keeping track of that didn’t get easier.

Carefully, she removed Yaz’s arm, placing a soft kiss to her knuckles before putting it down on the mattress. She looked so young sleeping like that, with strands of dark hair falling around her face and moving in time with her shallow breaths. 

The Doctor’s hearts swelled, warmth coursing through her veins until-

_ So young. _

Like icy tendrils, her overbearing thoughts started reaching for her again, quelching any warmth like stealing all the oxygen from a flame.

Breakfast. She wanted to make breakfast.

The Doctor all but fled the room. Her sock-clad feet barely making any sound on the floor, she traipsed along the still dimly lit hallways. 

The TARDIS had taken to keeping the lights fairly low during the usual human sleep hours in an attempt to emulate a basic day-night cycle, so it still had to be quite early by her friends’ standards. Nevertheless, she made her way to the kitchen - she was a time lord on a mission now, after all. 

Rolling her pyjama sleeves up to her elbows, she looked through the cabinets and examined the fridge’s innards for anything useful, and got to work at last.

Apparently her plan of distracting herself had proven to be successful, since when Graham made himself noticeable from the doorway, the light from the hallway behind him was now brighter than before.

“Y’not gonna serve us some alien food, are ya?”

The Doctor spinned around on her heels, spatula raised in indignation. “There’s nothing alien ‘bout that! Those’re pancakes, this is some granola, an’ over ‘ere are some breakfast muffins!”

He eyed everything warily. “Don’ wanna be offensive, Doc, really, but… are you sure?”

She deflated visibly at that. Well, it had been worth a try, hadn’t it? Uncountable years she had spent with humans but somehow she was still unable to cook up their most basic dishes. It certainly didn’t help that their so-called ‘all time favourites’ seemed to change every few years, either. At least she didn’t burn down anything this time, which she definitely chalked up as a win.

“So, ya hungry?”

Her friend pulled a grimace on this way to the kettle. “Could eat a zoo, me, but I’ll take a pass on these, sorry.”

“But y’always liked what I made!”

“Really?” he shot her a skeptical look, making her look down at her flour-covered hands dejectedly and grumbling for good measure. 

“Fine. No.”

Graham pointed a teaspoon at her. “Playing with my non-existent memories, not cool.”

Realising what she just had done, the Doctor bit her lip as a rush of shame came over her. Unsure, she peeked at him out of the corner of her eye, trying to gauge how mad he was with her. Judging by how Graham just went on preparing his morning cuppa as if nothing had happened, she had already been forgiven for her mishap. Still, a bitter taste lingered on her tongue.

Feeling immediately pressured to lighten the mood, she latched onto the next best thing running around in her mind. “So for today I were thi-” Yaz’s words echoed around her head, reminding her of a conversation that was to be had. “Wait, no, there’s something I gotta talk to you ‘bout. Ryan too, but maybe we should wait until he’s up as well.”

“How long y’wanna wait? Cos that boy will sleep the day away without a sun poking in through the window,” he offered with a shake of his head.

“The TARDIS has built something like a fake sun just for him, she’ll light it up automatically when it’s morning for you lot.”

The click of the kettle came just in time with Graham’s impressed whistle. 

Both of them worked in companionable silence for a moment, Graham putting the finishing touches on his tea and her getting rid of her failed breakfast experiments. 

(She had tried a bit of everything when he hadn’t been looking and yes, he had been right to decline.)

“So, whatcha wanna talk about?”

“Yaz pointed out that I can’t just assume that you an’ Ryan’d be joining in on our adventures since you got a whole different set of memories now and thus might not be the people y’were when I last saw you, so…”

“So ya asking if we still wanna travel with you or if we want you to drop us off?”

“Basically, yeah.” She tried to be as casual about it as possible, yet the prospect of letting parts of her fam go still stung. 

A thought occurred to her. Yaz herself had never said whether she wanted to stick around or not, she had merely nudged her to talk to the boys, never uttering a single word about her own stance on things. Unbidden, her resident anxiety neurons started firing.

Yaz wouldn’t want to leave, right? Not after their last conversation and the agreement they’d reached. What exactly had they even agreed on? What if--

“Can’t say I haven’t mulled about that a bit last night. I think I already made my decision, but there’s still one thing I gotta ask.”

Graham’s reply cut through the winding coil of intrusive thoughts inside her, and the Doctor automatically took a deep breath to shake off the suffocating feeling of anxiety tying up her lungs and bypass system. Realising this reply still had a distinct ‘we have to talk’ energy about it, she unwillingly tensed up again.

Steady, bo- girl. Woman. When would she stop mixing this up? Anyway, Graham’s question.

“Shoot.”

Through all of it, he seemed to be oblivious to her internal struggle, watching her with inquiring but still blind eyes. “Would we be safe from whatever’s after you or us back in Sheffield?”

Now that was finally something she could dedicate some rogue thought processes to. However, she had to hit the break on them when she ran over an important detail. Which wasn’t really a detail but rather a massive warning sign slap bang in the middle of the road. 

Proceed with caution. Think before you speak.

“I think so, but I’d probably have to take some precautions with you.” Now came the crucial part where she had to choose her words wisely. “...Maybe put a dampener on your mind or something like that.”

Right away, Graham’s eyebrows shot up, the unimpressed look he was giving her almost cutting. “More poking at me brain? Ta, I’ll pass. Can’t have you making me forget poker rules or something by accident.”

A part of her wanted to rise to the bait and protest - she was quite capable at mind manipulation and had never mixed something up unintentionally, thank you very much - but her jaw clicked shut as if someone had strung up her lips and was now yanking at the thread. Her lips pressed tightly together, she gave an indignant huff instead.

However that seemed to be just fine with her friend who apparently considered that particular conversation to be over and was now munching on the buttered toast the TARDIS had somehow procured for him. 

The Doctor would never outright admit it, but it warmed her hearts to see her oldest companion dote on her friends. 

Giving her ship a telepathic thanks, she turned to prepare herself a bowl of cereal. There still had to be some leftovers from that amazing brand from Nexus 304, there just had to. She could practically smell them.

So focused on her task, she didn’t notice that the rhythmic clang of Graham stirring his tea and hitting the mug every so often had stopped. Thus his next words hit her unexpectedly in the sudden silence.

“So, did you and Yaz make up?”

Did she almost drop the bowl in her hands? Maybe. Would she ever admit to it? No. 

Cheerful grin firmly put in place and death grip on the dish, she turned to him. “Whaddaya mean?”

“Oh c’mon, Doc! She all but yanked you outta the room to talk about something an’ then y’both drop off the face of the Earth for the rest of the day - and not together. I might be old but I’m not blind, that seemed a lot like you were sulking in your respective rooms, or in the ship, under the ship, whatever, y’get my point.”

The stiffness in her shoulders loosened a bit once she realised Graham wasn’t implying anything more than what he had said. Clearly, he had either been dead asleep already when Ryan had sought her out last night or Ryan simply hadn’t told him about Yaz taking over for him in the console room. 

However she didn’t get around telling him that they hadn’t exactly had a fight per se, since her ears picked up a more than familiar sound of slippers in the hallway, coming closer by the second and making her hearts pick up a beat.

“Morning,” came the still somewhat sleepy mumble as Yaz shuffled into the kitchen and immediately made a beeline for the kettle. 

The Doctor found herself unable to reciprocate the greeting, her mind suddenly a blank slate as she stared at the young woman next to her as if she was seeing her for the first time. Which was absurd, she had seen Yaz plenty of times, and in plenty of places, and in plenty of states for that matter. Well, going there now didn’t help her at all right now.

As inconspicuously as she could, she allowed herself a moment to take her in as she was pouring herself a cuppa. She was still wearing her pyjama bottoms, but she had replaced the top with a loosely hanging shirt, and her hair was now up in a messy bun instead of the plait she had worn to bed. A few dark tendrils had fallen out of it already, framing her still sleep glowing face, and the Doctor practically felt her fingers screaming to tuck them back behind her ear and touch the soft skin she knew was there.

She could still remember how Yaz had always appeared in an impeccable state of dress for breakfast the first few weeks, already dressed for the day’s adventure and not a hair out of place. Until slowly and bit by bit, jeans got replaced by pyjama bottoms and neat plaits by bed head the more comfortable she had been becoming on board and around them. It was still one of the most beautiful examples of metamorphosis the Doctor had witnessed until today.

Noticing the sudden silence that had come with her entry, Yaz looked between the Doctor and Graham, lips quirked up in amusement. “I could hear y’talk from the hallway, no need to stop on my behalf.”

Apparently she had a decent amount of panic in her face since Graham felt compelled to rescue her after only a look in her direction. 

“Nah, I think we’re done, right, Doc?”

Not trusting her words, she merely nodded eagerly. Which turned out to be a wise decision because Yaz chose that moment to get something from the cabinet behind her head and, instead of asking her to move, simply put her hands on the Doctor’s hips and gently pushed her to the left. 

The warmth of not only Yaz’s hands but her body as well seemed to spread from her middle to all her limbs, the faint scent of her shampoo flooding her senses just as much. Then came the moment any normal person would’ve removed their hands and taken whatever they needed from the cupboard, however Yaz was apparently set on making the Doctor’s body temperature rise even further.

She felt Yaz’s hand leaving her right hip to open the door and reach for a bowl, but in the process the hand still holding onto her left side tightened its grip, fingers digging into the soft flesh there, her underarm pressing into the Doctor’s belly and pinning her effectively between the counter and her arm. 

A feeble sound slipped from her lips and she hoped by all the stars in the universe that no one noticed. The almost imperceptible tug on Yaz’s lips however proved her wrong, blood instantly shooting up her cheeks and ears in embarrassment. 

It was almost as if she was back to puberty. Well, if time lords had something like this. Which they hadn't. Anyway, not the point. 

The point was that Yaz was more than likely doing all that on purpose and enjoying teasing her by showing the Doctor just how much she actually wanted to be with her (again). It was outright mean.

Yet of course she found herself unable to be actually mad when Yaz turned to face her fully, dark brown eyes pleading with her. “Please tell me there’s still some of that cereal from Nexus 3- what number was it again? 305?”

“304,” the Doctor croaked out weakly, still reeling from their unexpected and very public closeness.

Her eyes lit up in realisation. “Exactly! 305 were the one with the carnivorous chameleon plants, right?”

Finally, the younger woman showed mercy and let go of her, wandering over to the cereal cabinet as if nothing had happened while the Doctor finally noticed how her intense grip on the bowl in her own hands had cut off blood circulation in at least three fingers. Fortunately she had gotten those bowls on her last trip to Titanelxus, a planet renowned for their nearly indestructible kitchenware, otherwise she would’ve broken it to pieces.

Her mouth still felt uncomfortably dry, but she had to reply something. “Yep, not much of cereal eaters, that lot.”

Scrunching up her face, the Doctor winced at the hoarseness of her own voice, and even Graham raised an eyebrow in question over the last two bites of his toast. In contrast, Yaz sat down on her usual spot at the table looking as innocent as a newborn baby. 

Somehow she got the feeling it might be a long day whether they headed out on a trip or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you don't wanna get on the naughty list for next year already, do you? of course not, so leave a comment :D


	20. twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz gets her little revenge, Ryan is actually quite observant, and they start a new trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Special Day Eve! :D
> 
> Not even 33 hours left and maybe I'm a bit naseous but who caaaaaares
> 
> Also, we're halfway through the story now, approximately, just so you know where we stand :)

Yaz didn’t know what had gotten into her, but she decided to run with it and actually enjoyed it immensely. 

She had just been about to see if she could ruffle the Doctor’s feathers even more, however Ryan had chosen that moment to emerge from his room all rumbling belly and sleep crusted eyes, and the blonde had immediately jumped at the chance to finally ask the two men about their plans. So she happily munched on her cereal - she had sorely missed that special brand ever since she remembered it - and watched the scene unfold from the sidelines.

Of course it had sent a pang of hurt through her when she had woken up and instead of the Doctor there had been merely a cold spot beside her, though admittedly she hadn’t really been surprised. The Doctor was like a skittish animal when it came to anything personal, so there was always a chance of her changing her mind within hours and looking for the nearest escape route. 

She had thought this time might’ve been different, and yet.

Not in the mood to make herself presentable for anyone, Yaz had thrown over her favourite lounging shirt and tamed her messy hair into a bun to then see who else was already awake - apart from the Doctor, obviously. 

Well, Ryan definitely wasn't judging by the snoring sounds that penetrated his bedroom door. Nothing notable could be heard from Graham's door but that didn't mean anything as he prided himself with barely making any sound in his sleep despite his age. 

A few steps further down the hallway however she could hear dishes clattering and the characteristic click of the kettle going off, leading her directly to the kitchen and whoever was pottering around. What she found immediately put a dampener on the angry hurt inside her chest.

Even in her barely awake state she could tell that the way the Doctor was gawking at her wasn’t born from panic but rather from admiration; and all the previous times she had been on the receiving end of this particular look came back to mind, catching her slightly off-guard. Just as much as the heap of different (and burnt) breakfast foods peeking out from the rubbish bin in the corner, indicating the alien had tried to prepare enough food for all of them to busy herself after waking up. 

Yaz had learnt early on to read the seemingly little and sometimes strange things the alien did the right way.

While she was absolutely relieved that the Doctor seemed to be still in it - whatever it, or rather they, were, which was a conversation for another day entirely - she continued to be a tad miffed about the unnecessary shock and disappointment waking up alone had caused her. 

And so she had decided to tease the blonde just a tiny bit while getting some of that physical contact she had wanted to have back in bed. It was a win-win for her.

Still, she was glad that there was now some clarification regarding the length of Graham’s and Ryan’s stay on the TARDIS and also happy they had decided to stick around for a little while longer, at least until their memory loss had been either sorted or, in the case of irreversibility, the cause determined.

Ryan hadn’t even finished his cereals (not from Nexus 304, the Doctor and her were keeping those close and guarding them like hellhounds) before the Doctor latched onto the next point on her mental agenda: where and when to next.

“Since everything is kinda new for ya both now I’d usually let you pick a time and place, whatever you’d like to discover, bu’ there’s still a few issues to address unfortunately until we can wander around the universe without a care in the world. So how ‘bout a lil trip to continental Europe, middle of the fifteenth century?”

Since Yaz had already gotten her personal pitch of that last night, she kept silent and watched the scene unfold in front of her over the rim of her mug. Both men were communicating wordlessly over looks and raised eyebrows with each other and Yaz noted with joy how time had really tied these two together after all.

Graham finally spoke up, clearly not too sold on the idea. “What makes that safer than the rest of the universe?”

It was a valid question, all things considered, and the Doctor visible struggled to come up with a sensible explanation. In the end she decided to tell a slightly different story than she had told Yaz before.

“Not much, to be honest, but there’s something I need to check and see if it can help with getting rid of those nasties after me. Jus’ a quick lil trip, so quick y’lot could even stay on the TARDIS the whole time if ya don’ wanna come with, I’ll be back before you know it!”

Yaz almost laughed into her tea. The Doctor knew exactly what she was doing, playing the reverse psychology card, and it was working flawlessly. Ryan immediately piped up.

“Nah mate, if I got the chance to ‘ave a look at all that stuff then I ain’t gonna pass it up, right, Graham?”

“Yeah fine, bu’ if I catch some disease on the way y’better have a cure ready, Doc.”

Three sets of eyes were on her as soon as Graham had finished speaking, the Doctor all but bouncing on her heels in excitement. Yaz knew she had already given her consent in bed last night (putting it like that, it sounded… yeah, she wasn’t gonna think about  _ that _ now), but neither her nor the alien were gonna point that out. So Yaz had to play along for the sake of pretense.

“Sure, but I could do without witch trials and over-flirtatious royalty this time.”

The blonde was quick to wave off her worries. “Nah, we’ll land before they really start, they had their peak in the sixteenth century, so we’ll be good.”

“Do I wanna know?” Ryan inquired with a raised eyebrow, clearly unsure how to take that information.

Remembering how King James had been particularly after Ryan, both women snorted and shared a conspiratory look, unsettling their friend even further. Yaz clapped a hand on his shoulder on her way to put her now empty bowl into the dishwasher.

“Nah mate, enjoy the moment of not remembering that particular bit.”

Graham looked between all of them with equal measure of confusion and mirth. “Now if it’s something to pull Ryan’s leg with I think I really need to know.”

“Maybe after we get back.”

The Doctor clapped her hands and halted any potential further discussion. “It’s settled then, brilliant! So off ya pop to the wardrobe, the TARDIS will show you some period appropriate outfits an’ then we’ll meet in the console room in like thirty minutes, alright?” She noticed Yaz’s dubiously raised eyebrow, “Okay, make it an hour.”

One after the other they filtered out of the kitchen, the two men being the first and muttering something quietly between the two of them. The Doctor was just about to head out as well, but Yaz decided this was her moment to take a chance and put herself between the other woman and the door. 

Crossing her arms over her chest, the alien glared half-heartedly at her. “That were mean and y’know it.”

“What? Keeping you from running off again?” she asked confusedly. Yaz hadn’t expected the Doctor to actually get the first word in.

“No, y’know exactly what I mean. I mean,” the blonde gesticulated wildly between them and down her body as she tried to get her point across without actually saying the words, “ _ this _ !”

The penny dropped at the by now familiar pink tinge on the Doctor’s cheeks and she couldn’t contain a smug grin, earning herself a scowl for her efforts. Relief pushed its way from her brain to her heart when she realised there was neither fear nor anger in the alien’s features.

“So we’re good? No second-guessing from your side?”

The blonde tried to look around her down the hallway to either check if their friends were out of earshot or to plot an escape route. Whatever it was, in the end she focused on Yaz again, her hazel eyes tinged with a hint of guilt. 

“I don’ think I’m ever not second-guessing  _ something _ , this brain is like a second-guessing factory this go around, if that makes any sense, an’ also a factory for weird recipes bu’ this is kinda normal, now that I think of it, I mean… fish fingers and custard, can you imag-”

“Doctor. Stop deflecting.”

A pained expression flitted over the blonde’s face and she began to pick at her fingers like she always did when she had nothing else to ground herself with. “I’m trying, Yaz, I’m trying really hard.”

“I know,” she took the attacked fingers into her hands, rubbing soothing circles over the reddened skin. “I’m just trying to make sure, waking up alone gave me a right scare, y’know.”

“‘M sorry, I just had to keep myself busy and keep all those thoughts telling me to run off at bay somehow,” the Doctor mumbled, a hint of shame in her voice.

“Yeah, I noticed.”

The knowing smirk Yaz gave her made blood creep up her face and taint the fair skin of her cheeks red. “Y’did?” she groaned.

“That big pile in the bin were quite hard to miss, yeah.”

“Graham looked at everything with such horror I just couldn’t let you see it.”

It was clear the Doctor was still utterly dejected about the whole ordeal, and Yaz’s heart really shouldn’t warm up like this at the ancient alien’s kicked puppy look, and yet.

“Hey, Doctor,” she tugged at the other woman’s hand, directing her attention from that apparently particular pretty spot on the floor back to her, and asked for the one thing she’d been craving since cracking her eyes open. “CanI get a good morning kiss now or do y’wanna continue moping?”

The blonde immediately perked up at that, an unabashed grin spreading on her face big enough to light up the whole room. However it took only two seconds for her inner demons to take over again, the smile faltering just enough to make their return known. Yaz wanted to sigh and shake her.

Nevertheless, the Doctor closed what little distance was left between them, her free hand reaching to cradle Yaz’s face and pull her in. Whether on purpose or by accident she didn’t know, but the alien clearly miscalculated her own strength, leading to Yaz unexpectedly losing her footing and stumbling forward. 

At the same moment their lips touched, she fell into the Doctor, making her back collide with the doorframe. The blonde’s lips opened under her own with a groan that wasn’t entirely born from pain. 

(She was filing that away for later use.)

Instinctively, Yaz made to pull back and ensure she was okay, but strong hands on the back of her neck and the small of her back held her firmly in place. Going with what felt right, she pushed forward and deepened the kiss, the Doctor’s previous groan turning into a pleased hum when Yaz’s tongue found hers.

Her hands started to wander on their own accord, slipping under the time lord’s coat in search of more warmth and skin but was denied the simple pleasure by neatly tucked in shirts. Yaz felt every frustration of every single time she had been annoyed at the lack of easy access come back to her at once. 

Just as she decided to not let it stop her, the Doctor’s mouth wandered from her lips down to her throat, the sound of her own whine echoing back at her from the hallway catapulting her back into reality. They were still making out against the kitchen door frame (good), and the guys could come around the corner any time checking what was taking her so long (not so good).

Chest heaving, Yaz pushed the alien away by her shoulders, her voice wavering. “I think I shou- I should get going, the boys might be wonderin’.”

Slowly meeting her eyes, she found the Doctor to be in a similar state of dishevelment and with pupils blown wide enough to swallow almost all of her hazel irises. She licked her lips absentmindedly, kindling the fire inside Yaz’s guts anew. “Yep, of course, brilliant idea, can’t ‘ave ‘em wait.”

Seconds passed by as they stared each other down like that, neither of them knowing how to break this up - or wanting to, for that matter.

“Okay, right. See ya in a bit.” Yaz ran off after another long look, almost jogging the entire way to the wardrobe despite her legs feeling like halfway made out of jelly.

As casually as she could muster, she strode into the room where Graham and Ryan were already neck deep in various parts of different closets, completely oblivious to her appearance.

“Please tell me ya still wearing something when you’re coming out from under this heap.”

Immediately, Ryan’s head poked up from an especially large pile of medieval looking clothes. “Oi, there you are! What took ya so long?”

Thank God she had prepared for that exact question on her way here. “Didn’t ya hear the loud crash? The Doctor managed to make another mess and I helped her clean up.”

The way Ryan was squinting his eyes at her, looking her up and down as if he was searching for something to reveal her lie, made self conscious heat flood her bloodstream and rise up to her cheeks. Was there anything to give her away? Was her hair tousled or her shirt askew? Why hadn’t she checked on her way?

In the end, he merely huffed and turned away with an almost knowing smirk, letting her off the hook easy this time. Yaz had the slight feeling she wouldn’t be this lucky the next time, though. 

“Yaz, love, I think I’ve seen some nice and proper stuff for you over there. Ya might wanna get a shift on, I got the feeling the Doctor might be of the impatient type.”

More than grateful for Graham’s intervention, she made her way over to the mentioned section. Wondering what kind of next unplanned catastrophe was inevitably in stock for them this time, she browsed the racks and traced her fingertips over the different materials until she found just the right outfit.

\---

“Why s’it we have to dress to the nines for the occasion bu’ you’re still in your regular clothes?”

The Doctor could barely stop herself from rolling her eyes. It was always the same question leading to the same answer from her side.

“I don’ need to change, I always blend in.”

And it was always the same raised eyebrows from Yaz, come to think of it. Not that they weren’t lovely eyebrows - they were! - she just didn’t like the mockery they seemed to exude when used like that. 

Ignoring any further comments for the sake of her excitement, she skipped to the door. This was gonna be a good and proper little adventure, she just knew it! The arts, the science, all those important people at the cusp of their greatest achievements! And if she was lucky she could maybe gather some useful information from one or two of them along the way, not to mention that one herb she needed to restack on - what was it called again?

They had just stepped outside, the TARDIS door falling closed behind them, when an atrocious stench reached their noses, each of them groaning and pulling disgusted faces.

“Sorry, fam, hygiene weren’t that big of a thing back then,” the Doctor shrugged apologetically, surveying their surroundings as the humans covered their noses.

Truth be told, they hadn’t landed in the most pleasant of areas it seemed. The streets were halfway deserted, only a few people milling about and casting them strange glances as they ran off again as fast as they could to hide themselves behind barricaded houses. However there were a lot of people on the ground, most of them seemingly barely alive.

It smelt of fear and death.

“Either me history knowledge might be a bit rusty or this is another thing school never teaches, but I can’t remember there being this much sick and dying people in the streets in 1451.”

She was just about to rebut Graham’s statement, when Yaz pulled on her sleeve to get her attention.

“Um, Doctor…” the young woman started, directing the Doctor’s gaze to a man lying on the streets and moaning in pain, black bulges creeping up from his fingers to his elbows.

Dammit. She  _ really _ had to work on the time coordinate lock. Or her driving skills. 

It had to be the time coordinate lock.

Warily, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m afraid this might not be 1451 but rather 1351, height of the Black Death.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish you all a happy new 2021, let's see if this fucker will be nicer to us <3


	21. twenty-one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you want to know what's up, go where people drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes I know lots of you were like "eeeek the plague that's a bit too close to home rn how could you??" and I will say it again: I own a big ass world history book, I opened it at random, and I landed on the plague... and since fate decided that one I just rolled with it, have some mercy on me here, I'm a mere plaything of the gods

Well, this was unfortunate.

Not only that her chances to find what she was looking for had diminished drastically, she probably wouldn’t hear the end of missing her mark by a whole century for quite some time now. Her personal pity party however didn’t get the chance to truly take off due to Graham rudely interrupting her thoughts.

“Y’know, Doc, when I were talking about potentially getting a disease I were talkin’ about more harmless stuff, not the bloody plague!”

“Ya can’t say it like that, Graham! There are different types of plague outbreaks throughout human history! There’s the bubonic plague - which we’re currently in the middle of, the septicemic pla--”

“Aren’t we in danger the longer we’re just standing here?”

The Doctor turned to face Yaz, instinctively taking her hand in reassurance, not even considering they were in public and definitely hadn’t talked about how open they wanted to be in front of their friends. “As long as we’re in the TARDIS’ force field we’re safe from everything, no flea can get through it.”

The feeling of Yaz’s warm skin against her own and their fingers slotting together like puzzle pieces just about managed to keep her mild irritation at Ryan’s next comment at bay.

“Couldn’t she ‘ave protected us against that rank stench, too?” he complained nasally with his fingers pinching his nose shut hard enough to almost make her wince when she noticed.

“Not a top priority right now, Ryan!”

“Say that to me poor nose.”

Before the two of them could deepen their bickering, Graham piped up again, directing their focus back to the matter at hand.

“I mean, there’s nothing we can do anyway, right? ‘S not like we can dump all your alien or future or whatever medicine on them and rid the world of the plague a few years early, right? So can’t we just go back inside and take off?”

Mulling over his words for a moment, she rhythmically tapped her chin with a finger. “We could, I suppose, but something feels off and I can’t put me finger on it yet.”

It was always so tempting to do exactly what Graham said, to just waltz in with all her knowledge and save all those lives, yet she knew the Black Death to be a fixed point, or rather moment, in time. Extinguishing it early would change the future of humankind in unforeseeable ways. She hated making decisions like that, but maybe, maybe they could save at least some singular lives along the way. She had learned that back in Pompeii.

Also, there really was something weird in the air that wasn’t the offending smell.

“Here we go again,” Yaz mumbled beside her, clearly not too keen on exploring her hunch further.

“Oi! Ya used to be more fun!”

Yaz’s shoulders slumped a bit at that and she squeezed her hand apologetically. “Sorry, Doctor, but I feel way more comfortable with facing down dangers I can actually see without a microscope.”

“Ya lot don’t need ta worry too much, even if you happen to get bitten it’s easy to heal it, not only that, there’s lots of stuff on the TARDIS that can even reverse all the effects! We’ll be as right as rain, promise!”

“Can you even catch it, being an alien an’ all that?”

Now there was something she hadn’t considered so far  _ and _ didn’t have an answer to. What was that weird feeling bubbling over inside her gut again?

Ah, yes. Scientific curiosity.

“Excellent question, five points to Ryan! Dunno, to be honest. Guess we’ll find out when I get it.”

“Just please don’t try to get bitten by an infected flea on purpose, not like back whe--”

“I were doing  _ research _ , Yaz! That were important work! An’ everything turned out to be fine, y’know that.” trying to get her point across, the Doctor let go of Yaz’s hand and gestured along her body. Everything was still in its rightful place, obviously. Or rather  _ again _ . 

Okay, she could see her point.

“Yeah but I could still do without another heart attack, alright?”

“Do I want to kno--”

Ryan’s question was immediately cut short by a very vehement and very synchronic ‘No!’ from both women and he held up his hands in surrender.

The Doctor chose this moment to leave the TARDIS’ safe perimetre and take a quick look around, her three companions following her with quiet reluctance. Taking out her sonic, she scanned the young man lying closest to them and mustered him, sadness already creeping up her bones.

He was as good as dead, nothing she could do. 

Sighing in defeat, she took in the screwdriver’s readings. Yep, definitely the bubonic plague, definitely central Europe, and defini- no. Definitely  _ not  _ 1351\. 

Oh no.

Face set in a firm frown, she turned to her friends. “No, this isn’t right. This is too much.”

“Whatcha mean?”

“I was wrong - which isn’t right in and on itself, I’m rarely ever wrong, but not the point - this isn’t 1351 but actually 1348.”

The more she thought about it, the more the nagging feeling inside her manifested, twisting and turning into shapes she really didn’t approve of. Something was wrong, massively so.

Ryan shrugged. “Okay, so you missed by three more years than previously thought, I don’ think it matter that much.”

“I knew you wouldn’t let me live that down, you lot just love to carry grudges around like… a pretty necklace or something!” she huffed and rolled her eyes for good measure. “My point is that there are way too many sick and dying people for that particular year. This looks like we’re in the height of it but three years early.”

“Bu’ didn’t it depend on the place? Maybe this is normal for this area in 1348.”

Without thinking twice about it, the Doctor crouched down and picked up a handful of dirt, letting it fall through her fingers and rubbing the remainders between her fingertips until only fine sand was clinging to the tiny grooves in her skin. Carefully, she licked off one finger after the other.

“Please tell me she didn’t just eat some dirt from the plague infected middle ages.”

Shaking her head, Yaz merely sighed at the sight in front of her. “Would ya believe me when I tell you that’s normal?”

“Well now I’m definitely more than glad I told her to get rid of all that weird stuff she cooked up for breakfast.”

The following chatter around her barely made it through to her conscious mind as her brain tried to make sense of what she had tasted and subsequently ingested. Going with the amount of carbonate, iron, and phosphorus they were somewhere in central Europe, but there was something else that gave the soil a certain tang… salt! Good ol’ proper sea salt!

She jumped up to her feet in one fluid movement, finger pointed at her startled companions. “We’re fifty kilometres south of the Baltic sea, in Mecklenburg, North-East of your time’s Germany. The Black Death shouldn’t arrive here until 1350. This is two years early.”

All four of them fell silent and surveyed their surroundings once more. Now there was no doubt about it, something fishy was going on.

“So how do we go about this, Doctor? ‘S not like we can just randomly knock on doors and hope to be invited in, strangers that we are.”

“We’ll head to the next tavern an’ see if any locals wanna talk to us. No matter the time and place in the universe, ya humans always flock to a cosy place with mildly alcoholic beverages. Well, apart from that one time in 2020 when you actually were unable to. Are unable to? Will be? Same difference.”

“Wait, 2020? What’s gonna happen in 2020?”

Shit. One of the many curses of constant time travelling was regularly forgetting the exact year her companions were from. She had almost told Donna once who would win the World Cup in 2010, which didn’t seem like much of an revealing information, but knowing the redhead would’ve found a creative way to force her - or rather him - to make a trip to the future so she could place a bet… well. 

She looked at the younger man sheepishly and started waltzing off to escape any further questions. “Sorry, already said too much.”

Graham was quick to call after her, though. “Oi, Doc, if there’s something that’s gonna keep me from grabbing a pint with me poker group I really need to know!”

“Oh! See, this seems like a tavern, dontcha think?”

There was indeed a big enough house at the end of the street, small oiled parchment windows lightening up one by one as the sun made its descent over the village. From the slightly askew door, the smell of freshly cooked stew wafted out into the street. As if on cue, Graham’s stomach started rumbling despite breakfast not being that far away. Begrudgingly, the older man decided to let the issue slide for the time being.

“If y’think I’ll forget what you said--”

He didn’t get any further, the Doctor already pushing the door open and walking in, confident that her friends would follow and no harm was awaiting them. What was awaiting them, however, was a large room with not even a handful of patrons whose eyes were all set on them the second they passed the threshold. 

“Who are you?!” came the unfriendly bark from a burly man sitting close to the kitchen.

“Chummy fella, makes me feel right at home, eh,” Graham mumbled under his breath, trying to not aggravate the man even further.

The Doctor wasn’t too bothered by the animosity in the air, she definitely had had worse. Confident as if she owned the place, she sauntered in further with a grin on her face, right up to the man.

“Hiya! I’m the Doctor and these are my friends Yaz, Graham and Ryan. We’ve noticed something’s off in your little town and we’re wondering if we could help ya somehow.”

Looking her up and down, he scoffed. Whether it was due to her attire or her cheerfulness, she wasn’t exactly sure.

“You most certainly are not a doctor, you lying wench. Take my advice and go back to where you came from with your weird crew before either us or the Black Death get you.”

Of course. It was the same as back in Lancashire. Humans and their absurd notions about gender and what everybody was allowed to do with it. It was such a shame that it would still take so many millenia more until they realised their misconceptions and threw them overboard once and for all.

Aiming for shortening the discussion, she pulled out her psychic paper without as much as batting an eye and pushed it into his face. “As you can see, I’m more than qualified and definitely not a liar, so would you be so kind as to tell us what’s been going on here?”

The man’s eyes flitted back and forth between the paper and the Doctor’s face, long enough to make her worry that the paper might’ve shortened out again. Finally, he admitted something akin to defeat, but not without glaring at her for good measure.

“Ever since that one weird woman passed through the village, good people have fallen ill out of nowhere and died. Every day there’s someone new to mourn and bury.”

“God is punishing us for not killing that witch the second we saw her!” Another man had walked up to them from the kitchen, dressed in an apron and drying a cup made of horn with a towel. 

The first one shook his head. “I’m starting to believe you, Veit,” then he turned to face the Doctor again. “I see your credentials, m’lady, but why should we believe you’re not another witch here to ruin us even further?”

“Ah, y’see, been accused of that before, didn’t turn out too well for the other one--”

“Doctor, don’t you think--”

“-- though don’t worry, they weren’t human, mind you. So, really, I’m definitely not a witch, just to get that outta the way.”

If there hadn’t been all eyes on them before, they certainly were now. Confused by the sudden increase of palpable hostility around then, the Doctor watched the remaining patrons advance slowly, some going for the scabbards at their hips, encircling them. 

Ryan eyed the half dozen men warily, his hands already raised in surrender. Visibly uncomfortable by the new development, he looked pleadingly from the man in front of them to her and back. “She were just joking, mate! Weren’t you, Doctor?”

Completely missing the hint, she rounded on her friend, making half of the men around drawing their daggers nervously. “No, Ryan, I really wasn’t! There was that untimely witch hunt back in 17th century Lancashire, the one where King James really took a shine to you. That’s what Yaz ‘n I were talkin’ about earlier. Anyway, at one point they thought I were a witch too and tried to drown me - totally failed, as y’can see. Still, running ‘round in the cold with sodding wet clothes were definitely not fun, definitely do not recommend.”

A laden silence spread over them, heavy enough to suffocate but strung taut enough to snap any given second and plunge the room into potentially deadly chaos. Every party was waiting for the other one to make the first move with even the Doctor having become more cautious - if not for her sake, then at least for her friends’.

Finally Veit, apparently the owner of the tavern, gave a long suffering sigh from behind the counter, still towelling the cup despite it being long dry. “Heinz, either call them off or take it out to the street, I don’t want no bloodshed in my house.”

While the words had been spoken calmly, they were potent enough to stir something in the other man and he gave the others a sign to back off at last. Slowly, the tension bled out of the room as one by one, the men put away their weapons, grumbling, but still stayed close. 

The Doctor took a deep breath and let her shoulders relax again. “Great, now that we’re all somewhat back into our right minds, can we go back to the problem at hand? So y’say a woman passed through and since then the Black Death has been going around?”

“Exactly. ‘Twas a fortnight ago, it was freezing cold despite the season, even the horses started shaking. Middle of the day, I could barely see anything through the fog of my breath, I noticed that silhouette walking- no, almost floating down the street, I swear her feet didn’t even touch the ground!”

“And what did she do?” Yaz stepped forward from behind the Doctor, her interest piqued enough for her police training taking over.

Heinz looked her up and down for a hard moment, gaze hard enough to make the Doctor bristle and ready to jump between them. Sensing the budding glare she was shooting him, he finally shrugged, looking a bit lost for words. “Nothing.”

“Nothin’? Just driftin’ along minding her own jolly business?”

Clearly annoyed by another stranger coming at him with questions, Heinz snapped at Graham, getting into his face. “And who are you? You think you can just waltz in here like that and pelt us with questions?!"

"Honestly, man, we just wanna help, calm down!” Ryan stepped between the two men, holding up his hands again in a pacifying manner. 

In the end it was Veit's hand on Heinz's shoulder that subdued him, and he sat back down on his chair. Out of nowhere, all fight seemed to leave him at once and he buried his face in his hands, his voice barely above a whisper.

“The Black Death took my wife. We’ve only heard about it from lordships far far away, and then suddenly it’s here and takes the most precious thing from me.” After a brief pause, he gritted his teeth and balled his hands into fists. “If I could, I would strangle that forsaken woman myself!”

“And how would that bring your wife back?” the Doctor queried, absolutely unimpressed by his last words.

Heinz looked up at this, the flickers of the candles casting deep shadows over his grief-stricken face and painting a dangerous darkness into his eyes. “It wouldn’t, but I would feel slightly better about it, I reckon.”

“Now, while I don’t condone any violence and I’m certainly not endorsing your plans of revenge, but this might be vital information… what keeps you from going after her?”

“As I said, she just passed through, hasn’t been seen again since that one day. Some people say she might have a strange hut in the depth of the forest, but these are just rumours.”

An icy draft blew in and the candles flickered in the wind, just barely keeping themselves alive, as the door to the tavern swung open with enough force to knock it into the wall. A short cloaked figure walked in slowly, shadows seemingly oozing from their feet over the floor and deeper into the room.

Immediately, everyone turned their attention to the newcomer, some daggers already drawn and glinting in the orange candle light as insults and curses were spit. 

Paying no mind to the aggressive attention, they removed the hood of their black cloak to reveal long snow white hair tied in intricate knots and braids and curious eyes gazing amusedly from the Doctor to Heinz.

“You called?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it's obvious that the plague isn't actually the centre piece of this adventure, so pls find it in your hearts to forgive me


	22. twenty-two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all so mysterious...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day late on purpose, because somebody decided to get cheeky with me last week (you know who you are!) and I love being petty 😇
> 
> You might've noticed that there is a fixed chapter number and yeah... ppl who follow me on twitter already know that I finished writing this story last week and I tell you my heart is bleeding. But until it's over for you there's still a lot bound to happen, so let's get to it!

For a second everyone seemed to be frozen in place, then something snapped in the air and all patrons except for Heinz darted forward, daggers held high and ready to strike the first chance they got. 

Yaz held her breath, mentally preparing herself for the bloodbath Veit had prevented only minutes prior.

The bloodbath that never happened.

A gust of air swept through the room, blasting the weapons out of the men’s hands while pushing them back just enough for them to get the warning. At the same time, Yaz and her friends felt nothing but careful wisps against their bare skin. 

While Yaz wasn’t one to believe in magic as such, she knew right away that this was a display of some otherworldly powers. It was always a good guess to classify such things as alien. 

“How dare you to just swan in here like that after everything you did?!” Heinz was up in her face, fists balled tightly at his sides, clearly not put off enough by what had happened to the other men around not even a minute ago. 

Unsurprisingly, the strange woman wasn’t too impressed with his behaviour, holding her hand up to his face in a shushing motion. “Oh quit your insolent jabbering and let me talk to the Lady Doctor in peace.”

For a split second it felt as if the air had been sucked out of the house and been replaced by solid ice, then the feeling was gone as fast as it had appeared. Unsure if she had just imagined it all, Yaz looked around to gauge everyone’s reaction.

The Doctor and the boys looked as bewildered as she felt, and all the patrons and Veit were seemingly just as confused. Then her gaze fell on Heinz, a gasp escaping her.

A fine sheen of ice crystals had formed over his mouth, looking as fragile as the thinnest layer of glass, yet the man sputtered and flailed, trying to suck enough air in through his nose to feed his rising panic. In vain, he clawed at his lips, but whatever held the water molecules together like that refused to budge.

As if she was reading her thoughts, the woman turned to the Doctor, mirth clearly visible in her face. “Don’t worry, he can still breathe, he just needs to calm down a bit. I don’t want anyone to disturb our little chat.”

The look in her lavender eyes as she waited for the blonde to respond put Yaz on edge. This woman was regarding her with a little too much interest, she thought. 

“Who are you?”

“I’m Lady Merdena, nice to finally meet someone who has travelled farther than even I have,” she offered with a small bow.

Yaz could see how that last bit got the Doctor’s attention, yet before the blonde could reply anything, Veit jammed the mug in his hands on the table with startling strength. “You’re no lady, you’re a witch, that’s what you are!”

Lady Merdena shook her head at him like a parent disappointed in the antics of her child, tutting “Your weak words cannot encompass everything I am and what I am capable of, so I advise you to keep them to yourself if you don’t want to end up like your friend here.”

“Okay, stop! I think that’s enough threats for today,” the Doctor piped up, sliding between Veit and the Lady who had started a glaring contest. “Ya seem to be very interested in talking to me, so why don’ we just do that, eh? How ‘bout you release Heinz here of this nifty gag and my friends an’ I come with you on a nice walk outside?”

“I prefer to speak to you away from mortal ears.”

Yaz did a double take at her words. What did she mean by ‘away from mortal ears’? The Doctor wasn’t immortal, was she? Of course, they all knew she was a lot of things and way older than they could probably comprehend, but immortal? No. 

Even the alien seemed to be confused by Merdena’s choice of words, the line between her brows deepening with the increasing frown on her face. “Ah, sorry, no can do. Don’t go anywhere without my fam, me, so ya either have to cope with them joining us or y’don’t get to chat with me at all.”

The other woman cocked her head to the side, colourful irises reflecting her amusement at the Doctor’s words. “I think your need to talk to me outweighs my need to talk to you, so I doubt you’re the one to make demands like that.”

\---

In the end they came to an agreement in the fam’s favour, all five of them leaving the tavern behind and walking through the village and making their way to the woods where Lady Merdena indeed seemed to have made a home for herself.

Currently, the Doctor was striding along at the front next to the elusive woman with all three companions trailing behind, watching them with different levels of wariness.

“When’s it ever a good idea to follow a strange person into their home in the woods?” Ryan whispered skeptically and put his hands in his jeans pockets against the cold that seemed to be following Merdena around. 

Graham was quick to join in, his stomach seemingly protesting even more than he did. “Tell ya when: ne’er. Can’t remember a single horror film that didn’t start like that an’ I’ve seen a lot in me days... I really should’ve had some of that stew they had back there, what if we get thrown into a bloody dungeon with no food?”

Casting a long last look at the grey coat flapping in front of them, Yaz sighed, “The Doctor wouldn’t take us with her if she didn’t think it were safe or if she didn’t have a plan.”

She tried very hard to believe her own words, but watching the Doctor trying to inconspicuously sonic their surroundings as well as the woman beside her and failing due to the loud whirring of the screwdriver, she had her own set of doubts to battle. Ignoring the boys’ nattering, she made a decision and pushed forward, grabbing the Doctor’s free hand, pulling slightly to make her slow down a bit and fall back with her.

Her skin was ice cold to the touch, way colder than usual, and it sent shivers down Yaz’s spine. Delighted how the blonde’s hand shifted in hers immediately to slot their fingers together, she leaned in closer to her in the hope Lady Merdena wouldn’t overhear them. 

“So what’s your plan, like, really?”

“Oh, jus’ chatting a bit and see where it leads to, I’ll work from there.”

“Y’can’t be serious.”

The Doctor squeezed her hand. “Don’ worry, I don’t think she’s particularly dangerous.”

“You saw what she did back in the tavern. You were there.”

“Exactly! But she didn’t kill anyone, did she? So either her powers aren’t strong enough or she’s got no interest in doing such a thing. Either way, that’s a good sign!”

“D’you think she’s actually responsible for the plague outbreak?”

“‘S hard to say, I don’t see any connection between that an’ her powers… yet. It’s actually super exciting! I’ve never encountered someone with her abilities, I mean, I’ve defo met some would-be wizards and other species who could control the weather or elements to a certain extent, but never with such effortlessness and grace.”

Yaz raised an eyebrow and gave the blonde a pointed stare. “Doctor, are you  _ gushing _ ?”

If there weren’t that little bit of jealousy and possessiveness inside her rearing their ugly heads, she would’ve laughed at the way the Doctor’s jaw snapped shut just to open again, that and her wide eyes making her look like a deer in the headlights. 

“I am not!” she sputtered while faint pink spots started blooming on her cheeks. “I’m merely acknowledging what I see.”

They came to a sudden halt as Lady Merdena turned around to face them, the seemingly never ending amusement still glinting in her eyes as she regarded the Doctor and Yaz, gaze briefly flicking to their joined hands. “Not that I want to interrupt your budding argument, but we’ve arrived at my humble abode.”

They all looked around incredulously, Graham being the first to voice their collective thoughts at the thicket of trees which was all there was to see. “You gotta be kiddin’, we’re in the middle of no’ere!”

Apparently the white haired woman had a flair for the dramatic - as if she hadn’t already proved it back in the village - since she wordlessly made a grand waving motion with her arm, akin to the one the Doctor tended to do with her sonic, while never taking her eyes off the four of them. For a second nothing happened, but then the leaves on the trees started shaking and creating an eerie sound; and within the blink of an eye, it seemed like a glass wall was shattering right in front of their eyes, little crystals falling to the ground around them and revealing a house large enough to be considered a villa.

“Oh, invisibility shield! I love a good invisibility shield!”

Merdena took in the time lord’s excitement and Yaz’s corresponding grumble with a chuckle. “I’m always happy to impress. So, if you don’t mind following me inside, Lady Doctor and friends?”

Without waiting for a reply, she strut up the stairs, the double front doors opening wide for her without a single touch, spilling the same inky blackness over the threshold that the woman had brought with her into the tavern. 

Yaz refused to be impressed or even scared, it was all probably just an optical illusion or trick of light anyway, however she still put her hand on the Doctor’s arm to hold her back from following for a few more seconds.

“I don’t like this.”

The time lord gave her an apologetic look. “I know, big strange house out of nowhere, strange woman with strange powers making people sick, bu’ nothing we can’t handle, eh? I really need to find out what’s up here, tho. Can’t have people dying an’ history changing like that, can we?”

With a sigh, Yaz let her hand drop from her arm, admitting defeat. The Doctor was right, they had to do something about what was happening in the village; and if walking into a probably very dangerous woman’s trap was going to get them there, then so be it.

Sharing one last long suffering look with Ryan and Graham, she followed the time lord up the stairs and into the unknown. Just like she always did.

Once their eyes had adjusted to the change of light, a great foyer stretched out in front of them, a massive staircase winding its way up to the next floor, a chandelier full of tiny crystals casting spots of rainbow across the impeccably clean floor, while massive double doors hinted at just as impressive rooms to each side of them. It was an image straight out of a Disney movie.

“I take it you’re hungry”, Lady Merdena stated with a small smile in Graham’s direction, “If you are so kind as to wait for a moment, I will prepare something for you before we talk.”

In what felt like barely the blink of an eye later, they found each other sitting in a saloon with crackling fire and a wild array of soft pillows and cushions, delicate tea cups and sandwiches placed in front of them. The Doctor and Lady Merdena were sitting each in their own wing chair, facing each other halfway, while Yaz and the guys were huddled together on one sofa in a tight fit.

It was clear that this was Merdena’s way of reminding them of what she thought was their place in all this and Yaz didn’t like it one single bit. She knew it was almost childish, and yet she couldn’t help glaring daggers at the white haired woman as she seemed to lean imperceptibly closer to the Doctor.

“You’re searching for something, I can tell.”

Unfazed, the blonde shrugged over the rim of her cup. “That’s an easy one, I’m always looking for something - usually where the TARDIS hid me custard cream stash cos she’s mad at me again.”

“You hide your insecurities behind your quips, but you can’t fool me, Lady Doctor. There is something you’re desperate for right now, and I think I either have it or can at least help you obtain it.”

Yaz had been watching them with hawk’s eyes the whole time, refusing to getting lulled in by the display of hospitality, but at the shift in the atmosphere even Graham and Ryan looked up from their respective tea and sandwiches. Apparently Merdena had struck a nerve as it took uncharacteristically long for the Doctor to reply.

“Say you’re right about all of this, and don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of people helping others just because they can, me, but what’s in it for you? And what about all those people dying out there?”

The other woman’s voice was as sure as anything. “I want to propose a deal that’s beneficial for everyone.”

“Isn’t that what the bad guys always say?” came Ryan’s quiet mumble from beside her, his doubts about the strange woman still ringing loud and clear through his words.

While Yaz usually would’ve given her two pence on the matter as well, she found herself entranced by the discussion between the two women in front of her. For all in the world it seemed like they were in their own private bubble, the air between them crackling with unsaid words.

She wouldn’t have been surprised if they were fighting an invisible separate battle in their minds with each other as they stared each other down.

At last, Lady Merdena put her tea cup down on the table without a sound, her eyes closing briefly in pain. “You will find that the townsfolk is merely collateral damage--”

The Doctor’s face darkened considerably. “Yeah definitely not a big fan of that, doesn’t exactly speak for you.”

“What I’m trying to say is… their condition is a repercussion of me simply being here and will reverse itself as soon as I’m gone again. So what I’m asking you, Doctor, is that you help me get back home again,” she replied calmly, her voice wrapping around everyone listening like smooth silk, unperturbed by the time lord’s interruption.

“And in return?”

This was the moment all three humans held their collective breath, but Yaz most of all. 

Something told her that this was the moment a significant piece of the puzzle was going to be revealed, and she felt adrenaline coursing through her veins in anticipation. 

“In return, all these mortals will be healthy and safe,” Lady Merdena started, lavender eyes glinting as she prepared to say the words that might change everything. “And I will show you what you need to do to get rid of the Devoramenti after you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at thaaaaaat, now we finally got a name for what we're up against. And it took only 22 chapters, amazing! XD


	23. twenty-three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn a bit about Lady Merdena's origins and Yaz's (absolutely justified) frustration with the Doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go again, back to our regular Thursday update :)

It was as if the air had been sucked out of the room all at once, leaving nothing but a vacuum and lungs grappling for oxygen. 

And yet the Doctor stayed perfectly still as she fixated Lady Merdena with a hard look. 

It was difficult to discern what was going on in her head, but Yaz figured it was a lot when it rendered the bubbly and exuberant blonde speechless. She herself wasn't so sure what to make of the Lady's words. A part of her was feeling some kind of relief washing over her at finally being able to put at least a name to the faceless danger that's been haunting them, another was already screaming for more, more information, a solution to their many problems. And another… 

Another part was childishly frustrated at how this mesmerising stranger could just whisk in and claim to offer the Doctor everything she needed like some heaven sent angel or dea ex machina. 

She really needed to get that side of her under control. Which was as always easier said than done when the uncertainty about the type of their personal relationship was a constant companion nagging away in the back of her mind. 

The way the Doctor seemed fascinated by her - more than she was usually by people and creatures they met - didn't help at all, however. 

The crackling of the fire seemed to take on an almost deafening volume in the silence, everyone still holding their breath and waiting for an actual reaction from the blond alien, waiting for something they could work with. 

Seconds trickled by like ice melting from a glacier as the two women continued to assess each other and the genuity of their words. 

“You clearly are not from this planet if you know about them,” the Doctor cut through the quiet, her voice steady and calm as if Merdena’s proposition had never rattled at her in the first place.

“No, I’m clearly not,” Lady Merdena chuckled almost mirthlessly. “While I share enough features with these mortals that call themselves ‘humans’ for them to not immediately hunt me down with pitchforks and torches, I am anything but. There was a little accident and now I’m stranded here, far away from home, surrounded by creatures that believe their useless planet is the centre of the universe.”

The Doctor quirked an eyebrow, immediately sensing that there was something the other woman was reluctant to share. “So where is ‘home’? And what do you mean by  _ accident _ ?”

It was the first time Yaz saw something like uncertainty in Merdena’s eyes. Being just as curious as the time lord, she watched the woman almost squirm in her seat as she battled with herself whether she should give more details about what brought her to Earth.

At last, she heaved a dramatic sigh and put down her tea. “I’m a Kreatejl, from the planet Sladolek. And if you  _ really _ need to know… Long story short, I tripped and fell through an ancient portal. Of the one-way type, to top it all off.”

Yaz pressed her lips together very hard to not laugh out loud, seeing out of the corner of her eyes Graham doing the same. Ryan was definitely having more trouble keeping his amusement to himself, his body trembling beside her as he tried to keep in his until now silent laughter. However he wasn’t quiet enough, since Lady Merdena’s head whipped around, her eyes now a deep and dangerous purple as she seethed at him.

“I will not tolerate any mockery on my behalf, so I advise you to control yourself before I seal your mouth shut!”

“Ah ah ah! No threatening me friends, I thought we’d established that!” the Doctor admonished her from her chair, judging by her relaxed pose not all too worried that Merdena would cause serious harm.

Albeit reassured by the blonde’s assertion, there was something about her story that didn’t sit well with Yaz. But before she could think better of it she found herself blurting out her thoughts. “Why d’ya people have a portal to Earth anyway?”

“Excellent question, ten points for Yaz!” the Doctor pointed a finger at her, almost jumping out of her seat in curious excitement. “Or were it gold stars again? Dammit, got half of the universe’s knowledge in these brains bu’ can’t remember that. So frustrating. But anyway, Yaz’s question, go on.”

To be honest, she wouldn’t have thought too much about the Doctor’s praise apart from a good-natured eyeroll about her enthusiasm if Ryan hadn’t poked her in the side with his elbow, throwing a cheeky grin at her. Thanks to him, though, Yaz felt warmth rising up her face that had nothing to do with the vicinity of the fireplace. 

She pinched his arm as inconspicuously as she could, leaving him to hide his resulting yelp behind a cough. 

Lady Merdena paid no attention to their antics, still too caught up in salvaging what was left of her pride. “That doesn’t matter,” she stated, voice clipped.

“Well, I say it does, cos if your folks are plannin’ on meddling with Earth I got bad news for you.”

The other woman waved her off as if she had presented her with the most ridiculous notion. “No, we don’t do that anymore. As I said, the portal was ancient, my people haven’t been to Earth for millenia now.”

“But what did ya do ‘ere in the first place?” Graham eyed her warily, only wavering slightly under her hard gaze. “Sorry for askin’, but as I’ve learned, aliens coming to Earth rarely have our best intentions in mind. No offense, Doc.”

Sensing she wouldn’t get out of telling everything, Lady Merdena pressed her fingers to her eyes with a sigh, displaying the suffering these questions apparently brought her clearly just for the sake of it. When she peeked between her fingers and found no pity in her audience, she pursed her lips in distaste.

“Have you ever heard of the pyramids near the settlement of Giza?”

Once the woman’s word had truly registered with her, Yaz felt a shiver running down her spine, an incredulous laugh escaping from between her lips. So her dad had been right with his conspiracy theory about aliens building the pyramids? No, she couldn’t accept that - on principle.

Her friends didn’t fare any better digesting the news.

“What?!”

“No fucking way.”

“Bloody hell, all those loonies with their wild theories ‘bout aliens doin’ that are actually right?” Graham turned from Yaz and Ryan to the other alien in the room. “Did ya know about this?”

Said alien, who didn’t appear to be particularly surprised, thought about it for a second before she shrugged. “Never been around Egypt at that time, but I had me theories. Still doesn’t explain why the Kreatejl would come to Earth in the first place.”

“You really want a whole history lesson?” the Kreatejl was so irritated by the round of nods it was almost funny. “Have it your way and waste more time, suit yourself. So. Back in the day, my planet was facing different catastrophes at once so scientists started to look for other planets to inhabit. Earth seemed like a good alternative, all that sand and heat was the perfect environment for us, so they tried to work something out with the local species, built some nice homes for us. But until then our portals had only led us to that one region and there was no way to transport our whole population via one passway. So more were created leading to other places on Earth, and then… Well, it turned out this planet is way wetter than we can cope with and we had actually just had a lucky hit with the desert we first landed in.”

“And then you just packed up again and left?” Graham contested, leaning back on the sofa and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Is that so hard to believe? My people were battered with war and famine, we had no interest in getting more of them killed off-world just for the sake of it.”

That shut him up effectively, his jaw snapping shut with a click.

While it seemed like Merdena’s people were on the more sensible side of alien species they had encountered so far, Yaz was still unsure about the woman herself. Was she even a woman in the wider sense of the word? Sometimes thinking too much about how the categories she had been raised on were even applicable to alien races gave her a right headache.

“I find it quite curious that you’re concerning yourself so much with my origins instead of questioning me about your very own problem,” the other alien pulled her out of her thoughts.

She wasn’t sure if she was talking to the Doctor or them as a group, but considering her words it didn’t matter anyway.

Albeit reluctantly, Yaz had to agree with Merdana’s line of thinking. Despite the name of the creatures after them now being out in the open, the Doctor stuck with keeping everything from them until absolutely necessary. It didn’t matter that the time lord had assured them there was no immediate danger for her human friends, just the simple fact that the blonde herself was in danger was enough to put Yaz on edge.

Graham chose that very moment to give a hearty yawn and Yaz almost put her hand in front of his mouth to muffle it, but the Doctor had already picked up on it. She knew what would come next: they would be herded off to bed in fake concern about their sleeping pattern so the two aliens could talk among themselves over their very important issues.

It was the alien version of ‘go to your room, the grown ups need to talk’ and she loathed it with a passion.

Yaz put her cup down with enough force to get the Doctor’s attention and tried to tame her annoyance for her next words.

“Don’t even think about saying what you’re about to say.”

She could feel the guys’ confused gazes on her as she stared the Doctor down from across the table and all its empty places and cups. In the periphery of her vision she could see Lady Merdena look back and forth between them with a barely concealed smile; it only poured more oil into her fire.

It was clear the Doctor was taken aback by her harsh words, her eyebrows set in the deep frown she usually sported when she got called out and was struggling to get out of the situation unscathed. And there really was no way to save her face completely.

What had started as such a good day back at breakfast had by now turned into an exhausting series of battles of wills between different parties. It was hardly surprising each and every one had included the blond alien so far.

All of her frustration about being shut out again and again swelled up to the surface the longer their silent battle went on and reached a crescendo before she knew it. Feeling the need to just  _ do something _ with all that negative energy coursing through her, Yaz finally shot up from her seat, diverting her eyes from the Doctor to Lady Merdena, her lips set in a perfectly polite smile.

“Thank you for your hospitality, I hope you don’t mind if I take a walk, feelin’ a bit stuffy in here.”

Her feet pounding on the hardwood floor, she barely heard Graham yelling after her if she was okay and if she wanted company. Unfortunately, the only company she wanted this very moment failed to call after her, at least as far Yaz could hear.

She had expected to get lost in the house, that it was under some sort of spell that would keep her wandering around until she passed out like in a horror movie - or when the TARDIS was having one of her moments and tried to get back at one of her inhabitants for something - but to her luck no such thing happened and she found herself out in the open within a minute.

With the chilly air surrounding the Kreatejl woman gone, everything seemed friendlier, even the pitch black woods all around her. Now, standing there without the faintest idea what she was supposed to do, Yaz realised she really should’ve thought her semi-dramatic exit through until the end.

Pulling her dark brown coat tighter around herself, she looked around for the way they had come. Maybe she should just head back to the TARDIS, curl up in her comfiest jammies and wait for her friends to come back with all the answers they needed and the day saved. She could totally edge in one or two decent moping sessions if she’d feel like it, too.

Deciding it was a better course of action than wandering around aimlessly and still getting lost some way in this whole scenario, Yaz began walking into the general direction of where they had most likely come from. She always had a great sense of direction, but considering the circumstances even she had to wing it to a certain extent and just go with her gut.

Too lost in her own head and concentrating on not getting caught on roots or anything, she didn’t notice a figure approaching her from behind with big steps. 

When clammy fingers curled around her wrist and pulled, she didn’t even scream at first. Before her consciousness had registered what was happening, instincts and her training kicked in, her body moving on its own accord to fight against her assailant. 

A flurry of movements and a surprised shriek later, she had rendered the person immobile with an arm twisted behind their back with her right hand and her other arm keeping them in a chokehold from behind. 

“Didn’t think ya’d be _ that  _ angry,” the Doctor wheezed, her blond hair tickling Yaz’s nose and pulling her back into the present as she patted the arm under her chin. “Now, this reminds me of something… bu’ this is neither the place nor the time to repeat it, no matter how much I’d like to.”

Feeling the time lord’s body taking in a shuddering breath against her chest and realising what she had just done - not to mention what the Doctor was implying - Yaz dropped her arms as if she’d been burned and almost jumped two feet away from the other woman. While her face felt like it was on fire, this time around it definitely wasn’t from anger.

“I’m so sorry! Did I hurt you?”

Rubbing her neck, the Doctor cast her an amused smile. “Nah, you probably couldn’t if ya tried. Not saying this as a challenge, tho.”

Taking her in as well as she could in the darkness, Yaz still looked for any sign of hurt, knowing all too well that the blonde tended to gloss over things like that. To her relief she seemed absolutely fine, which then in turn allowed her to let her anger come to the surface again.

“What’re you doing here? Shouldn’t you be discussing super important matters with your new friend?”

“Okay, you  _ are  _ angry.”

The blonde looked at her like a kicked puppy and Yaz was tempted to just let her off the hook, but then Merdena’s too amused smirk popped up in front of her eyes. “Yes, yes I am. And do you understand why?”

From the way the blonde’s face contorted Yaz knew she knew; the question was whether she’d try to play dumb or actually admit to her behaviour. 

Wringing her hands for good measure, the Doctor made a decision and slumped her shoulders in defeat. “I think I do, yeah. And I’m sorry. There’s just so much at stake here and believe me when I say the less you know the safer you are. You  _ and _ the boys.”

Yaz’s eyebrows shot up. Well, she definitely hadn’t seen that coming.

The unexpected admittance completely threw her off her centre, popping her little angry bubble with unparalleled precision. With a sigh, she reached for the time lord’s hand, rubbing her thumb over cool skin. It had already been too long since she had felt it under her fingertips.

“I know there are some secrets you have to keep, and I don’t expect you to tell me everything, but… can you be less, I don’t know, patronising about it? Like, everytime you shoo us off to talk or do something  _ very important _ with someone else it feels like you’re thinking we’re not worthy to see what’s actually going on. And that hurts, every single time.”

“Oh Yaz, please don’t ever think you’re not worthy of something. You’re worthy of everything. Everything good, to be more specific,” the Doctor corroborated, her eyes boring into Yaz’s with fiery intensity. “I’ll try to be better, I promise. I’ll still keep things from you if I deem it necessary, but I’ll try very hard to not be a right dick about it, okay?”

There was no point in arguing further about it since both of them had heard each other’s point and understood it, so Yaz merely nodded and squeezed the blonde’s hand in reassurance. A brilliant smile broke out on the Doctor’s lips at that, big and bright enough to not only light up the mood but also the darkness around them, and she tugged at the hand in hers.

“C’mon, let’s go back. Graham and Ryan are off to bed but I still don’t trust Lady Merdena farther than I can throw her. Which probably isn’t too far in this body, considering... I mean, I probably could still throw her farther than you could, that me being stronger than the average human - not saying you’re average or not strong, you’re definitely neither of those things! - anyway, what I’m trying t-- hmmpff!”

For the fraction of a second the alien tensed up, caught out in surprise by the sudden attack, then she melted against Yaz and sighed in relief as their lips started moving in tandem. The arm snaking around her middle and pulling her flush against the Doctor’s warm body sent a shiver up Yaz’s spine, and every last trace of anger and hurt completely left her system, forced out by the double pulse she could feel beating rapidly against her own chest.

They pulled apart reluctantly to catch their breaths again, the same smile on their kiss-swollen lips. But just as Yaz wanted to dive in again to steal another kiss, something over her shoulder caught the other woman’s attention.

Lights were coming closer at a steady pace, accompanied by voices at an ever increasing volume. They were still too far away for her to make out the exact words travelling between the trees, yet from the general tenor and the level of noise in relation to their distance she knew they were fuelled by nothing good.

As the Doctor tensed beside her and the grip on her waist intensified, realisation struck her.

Despite Lady Merdena’s assumptions, the townspeople were now coming for her with torches and pitchforks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaz putting the Doctor into a chokehold? We love to see it.


	24. twenty-four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They try to get away from the pitchforks and to the TARDIS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh godohgod I'm so sorry I totally forgot to update yesterday shame on me!

“Okay I got some bad news and some good news!”, the Doctor panted as she stormed into the little saloon, Yaz’s hand still firmly clasped in hers and pulling her along. 

Lady Merdena lowered her cup and regarded them silently, a perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised in question. It was a good enough reaction as any to her in that moment.

“Bad news is that there are a bunch of people coming up here and they seem to be very very angry,” she went on. “Better wake Graham and Ryan, we need to do something!”

Couldn’t have them sleeping through everything, could they? Graham tended to be very grouchy when torn from his REM phase but they couldn’t make allowances for that right now, not when there was an angry mob marching up to the house.

Just as she was about to run off to the chamber Merdena had shown her friends to rest in, Yaz pulled her quite literally back into the moment. “Doctor, wait! What’s the good news?”

Ah. She knew she had forgotten something.

“Oh, yes, right!” she spun around on her heels. “Good news is I got a plan! Okay, to be honest, not yet, but just gimme a few more minutes and I’ll have something ready… just need a mo’ but it’ll be brilliant I promise!”

Yaz didn't seem too sold on that, but she didn't rebut either. However Merdena still appeared worryingly calm. 

“You will find there is nothing to worry about, Doctor. I made the mistake to not reactivate the invisibility shield immediately after your entrance, so I will just pull it back up and everything will be fine.”

Right on cue, violent hammering and shouts could be heard from the front door, the lights of the torches interfering with the now wild flickering of the hearth. 

She took the time to raise an eyebrow at the other alien. “Don’ mind me saying, but I think they’re already past the barrier, eh?”

Still, the Kreatejl didn’t seem too alarmed about the development but rather a mixture of bored and annoyed. She hoped there was an ace up her sleeve she hadn’t mentioned yet since despite popular belief and her tendency to end up in situations like this, the Doctor really wasn’t fond of getting chased by people with weapons.

"I can still activate the shield, it doesn't change anything."

Now something in her tone really didn't sit right with her. "Why do I have the feeling there's a catch to that I definitely won't like?" 

"Because there is,” the Kreatejl sighed. "It's not merely an invisibility shield, the house will be pulled into an inter-dimension and chances are everyone between these walls and the original frontier will get sucked into the void, however. But, we’ll be safe!”

A shiver ran down her spine and five brains immediately scrambled to find a better solution. There was no way these innocent humans were gonna die on her watch. 

“No, nope, we’re definitely NOT doing that!” she shot Lady Merdena a warning glare.

The other woman raised her hands in exasperation. “Then enlighten me, Doctor, what are we gonna do instead?”

The barging against the door became louder and louder, until it stopped abruptly. Casting each other dubious glances, the three women listened intently with bated breaths. Could it be that the townspeople had just decided to give up?

“Do yo--”

The sound of glass cracking and shattering filled the air, accompanied by bone-chilling cheers from outside. Right away, Yaz carefully peeked around the corner to the front door. While the Doctor was a great fan of her face and seeing it in general, the look on it when her friend turned back around didn’t leave her with all that many positive feelings.

“They’ve thrown some torches in through the windows, someone’s even trying to climb in right now!” 

Groaning, she rubbed her face with both hands and carded them through her hair afterwards, making it stick up in odd places as she tried to stimulate her synapses into overdrive. Time was running out. She  _ hated  _ when that happened.

“Yaz, get Ryan and Graham, now! Second room to the left! I’m afraid they’re capable of sleeping through all this noise, but we need to leave ASAP!”

The Doctor could almost see how the younger woman’s training kicked in, a new set of determination and purpose visible in her eyes and the clench of her jaw. Merely giving her a curt nod, Yaz ran off to where she had directed her.

With her gone, she turned her whole - well, not whole per se, she still needed some part of her brain capacity to come up with something - attention back to Lady Merdena, who by now had shed some of her demonstrative calmness, her eyes flitting nervously between the different available doors.

“D’you have something like a panic room or any other room they won’t be able to get in no matter what?”

“Just call your TARDIS, your ship will get us out of here in no time. And me home on top of that.”

“She’s not built for short-range hops, dunno how often I’ve already to-- wait,” blood rushing to her ears and cancelling out all other noises at the realisation, she looked at Merdena with wide eyes, “How do  _ you _ know about my TARDIS?”

“Oh Doctor, I did tell you that I know quite a bit about your situation, didn’t I?”

How the Kreatejl still had the nerve to laugh with everything happening around them was beyond her. Gritting her teeth in frustration and using the familiar throb in her jaw to ground her in the present, the Doctor started out of the room to the foyer, being greeted with increasing sound the further she advanced.

If Lady Merdena preferred to be elusive and make everything that much harder and more dangerous for everyone involved, then so be it, but she wasn’t going to let anything happen to her friends. Since they didn’t get any further on the escape front, she might as well try to yank at the problem’s root and quell it.

Skidding around the corner and into the foyer, the men who had already clambered in through the broken window immediately caught sight of her.

“There’s the other witch! Get her!” one of the many men shouted as he pointed his torch at her. As the flame flickered just into the right direction to make out his face, her heart plummeted. 

And there she had been thinking Veit was one of the reasonable ones around.

Raising her hands to show them she wasn’t any danger for them, the Doctor put on her best charming smile. “Oh c’mon! Judging someone by association is so outdated, I didn’t do anything that could let you think I were a witch! Or did I? Sometimes things just slip out without thinking, there’s a bunch of things that ended up getting invented a tad too early cos I just couldn’t keep me gob from running, y’know how it is. Really need to start thinking before I speak, but y’can imagine how it is with twenty-seven brains, there’s just too much going on up here to keep track of everything and… that were something I shouldn’t have said, eh?”

“Get her, NOW!”

She was just about to jump out of the way of the three men that were charging at her at once, but she was pulled into the opposite direction and behind a corner by firm hands on both her wrists, the sudden yank and its subsequent force leaving her with nothing but a surprised ‘ _ oof’ _ escaping from her lungs as she smacked into two solid bodies.

“Has nobody ever told you that trying to talk down an angry mob only works like ten percent of the time?” came a harsh whisper from over her shoulder, a voice she could recognise anywhere and anytime in the universe.

As relieved she was about Yaz’s and Ryan’s presence (and rescue), it didn’t stop her from justifying herself. Loudly. “I were ju--”

Instantly, a warm hand clamped over her mouth, Yaz hissing right into her ear as the men ran past their little hideout.

“I stand corrected,” her friend scolded. “Has nobody ever told you that trying to talk down an angry mob only works three percent of the time when it’s  _ you _ talking?”

She really shouldn’t like this as much as she did, should she? Especially not with Ryan still around. Anyway, neither the time nor the place to dwell on that.

(Instead of banning it completely from her mind, she shoved it at brain 6a for later use and hoped Yaz didn’t notice how her ears started heating up.)

In a knee jerk reaction - because she had to do  _ something _ \- the Doctor let her tongue swipe over the palm over her mouth.

Immediately, Yaz pulled back with a squeak, wiping her hand on her coat before giving her a half-hearted glare. “Ew, was that really necessary?”

“Nope,” she popped the ‘p’ with a broad grin, “but I couldn’t really ask ya to let go when your hand’s over me mouth, can I? Also, you got a slight iron deficiency, need to eat more legumes ‘n stuff. Gonna improve your magnesium stats at the same time, so win-win!”

“Did you just get that from- nevermind. C’mon, Merdena said we’ll be safe in the basement.”

“I love a good basement, me, you’ll never really know what you’ll find and before you know it you’ve spent the whole day reassembling and improving the neutron displacer you built as a toddler. ‘S brilliant!”

Without thinking, she grabbed Yaz’s hand - not the one she had licked - and started walking, dead sure they’d be going the right way. By the way neither of her friends protested, a proud smile at apparently being right twitched on her lips, her hand holding on just a little bit tighter.

At first, she thought Yaz would pull away from her when she loosened her grip, and the Doctor was ready to let a wave of rejection wash over her, but then the other woman’s hand merely shifted so they could intertwine their fingers properly. 

While she still wasn’t tactile per se in this body, somehow holding Yaz’s hand had become something absolutely brilliant to do. Come to think of it, It was definitely high up there with hugging Yaz, cuddling with Yaz, kissing Yaz, and… all that - already had been before what she internally referred to as  _ the incident _ .

Now that she had her back against all odds after she had thought she had lost her, or rather all those memories that just made her  _ her  _ Yaz, every point of contact and interaction just felt amplified, as if someone had cranked up the volume to 12. Funny, what losing someone (and getting them back in a one in a million chance) can do to your body’s chemistry. 

It reminded her a lot of when Rose had turned up again after Canary Wharf thousand of years ago.

Over a thousand years for her, merely ten years in Yaz’s time. She had been only ten when the Earth got ripped from its orbit. Half her life ago. So young back then and  _ still  _ so young now.

So many different timelines, so many fragile lifespans she had touched in her time, just trying to come to grips with it all made her heart beat faster - and not in a good way.

Stop.

Concentrate on the hand in yours and the ground under your feet. That particular rabbit hole and the subsequent breakdown had to be rescheduled for later on the TARDIS when the fam was safe and sound asleep and she had the time for it.

Still, she happened to be too lost in thought to notice the open and yet inconspicuous door to her right, making to run right past it until she was jostled back.

“It's down 'ere!"

While she had meant it when she had said she loved a good basement, something told her this definitely wasn't a good one. An all consuming darkness greeted them, not the smallest source of light to be found. Her hand went into her pocket instinctively. 

The too weak light of her sonic was joined by Yaz's and Ryan's phone flashlight a mere second later, making it finally possible to see the stairs heading down into the blackness. 

"So not only did we walk right into a strange alien's lair an’ ate her food, now we're going down into a dark basement in said house. Please tell me you notice on how many levels this were a bad idea."

"Aw Ryan, don't be spooked like that, y'almost sound like Graham,” she joked at his hushed words, earning herself an indignant huff from him and a chuckle from Yaz. 

With each step they took, the walls seemed to come closer until they were forced to advance one behind the other, the Doctor even had to let go of Yaz’s hand to let her own graze along the wall for additional support on the uneven stone below them. She could clearly hear Ryan struggle with his footing at the end of their little parade and it frustrated her that she couldn’t think of a way to make this easier for him. But apparently Yaz could.

“C’mon, hold onto my shoulder and try to move in time with me,” she piped up behind her. “We’ll get you down safely.”

“I’m actually more worried about what might be down there than the way there… but thanks,” Ryan mumbled sheepishly, and then she heard a faint rustle of clothes as he followed Yaz’s instructions.

Finally, after what felt like ages - honestly, this basement couldn’t naturally belong to a house like that, it almost seemed like it was bigger on the inside - the darkness seemed to lift slowly but surely. The warmth and unsteady flicker of light suggested a myriad of candles or a fire as its source, they were getting close enough that she could smell the burning of something in the air.

With an audible sigh of relief from Ryan’s side, they weathered the last step and turned around the corner.

“What the--”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's always _something_ , isn't there?
> 
> Just like comments, it'd be cool if they're there too :D


	25. twenty-five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They make their way to the TARDIS (but with or without obstacles?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT ME BIRTHDAY  
> but no rest for the wicked, so here comes a new chapter, as per schedule :D

_ “What the--” _

The staircase had opened up and spit them out into a cosy saloon where Graham and Lady Merdena were already waiting for them. Not any saloon, but a detailed replica of the one they had been sitting in not even half an hour ago. At least Yaz hoped it was just a copy and not the original, considering they had made a valiant effort to get away from there.

By the looks of it, Ryan was just as dumbfounded and surprised as she was the first seconds after stumbling in. 

“Okay now that really is some horror movie shit. Y’can’t tell me it’s normal to have an exact copy of your living room in your basement, you just can’t!”

Yaz took in his words and wide eyes for a moment and wondered. Would he have been so surprised and obviously overwhelmed if he still remembered everything he had seen and lived through at her side? In comparison, she herself was mostly just confused once the initial surprise had worn off.

With collective bewilderment rendering even the Doctor speechless, Yaz turned to Graham, still in some kind of dressing gown and hair slightly mussed from his nap, who seemed uncharacteristically unperturbed by everything.

He in turn just looked at the three of them with wide eyes from his position on the sofa. “Don’ look at me like that, I don’t know either! But the sarnies are definitely just as good as the other ones!” he mumbled, still chewing on his most recent bite at the same time.

Yaz would’ve laughed if the situation weren’t so surreal.

“How’re you doing that?” the Doctor finally asked in visible astonishment. “Not only this room but also the way here, it were way too long for a regular basement… so either we’re way below the surface or this something I can’t wrap me mind around right now. Which is… rare and a fascinating feeling.”

Trust the Doctor to still find some childlike wonder in a situation of peril, Yaz smiled to herself as she watched the alien walk around the room and take in every detail. This very moment, with everything happening too fast and no one - except Lady Merdena who refused to share her plan with them - being none the wiser, she shouldn’t find the curious glimmer in those hazel eyes and the way the blonde’s mouth was moving along with her rapid fire thoughts as endearing as she did.

Mirth was almost pouring from Merdena’s eyes when she replied with a smirk. “It’s called dimensional engineering, you might have heard of it.”

As if stung by a bee, the Doctor spun around, facing the Kreatejl woman head on. “But--”

“I know what and who you are, Doctor, I know enough about you and your kind to kill you over and over again just for the fun of it, and I could have done it right the second you laid eyes on me,” the Kreatejl rolled her eyes in exasperation, clearly annoyed that the Time Lord hadn’t caught on yet, “and we might have picked up one trick or other the last time your people visited my homeworld, the most important ones being dimensional engineering, how to immediately spot a Time Lord, and how to get rid of one. For good.” 

It felt like every muscle of her body was tensing up at her words, her short nails leaving painful indents on her palms and her jaw clenching tightly enough to hurt her teeth, and she mentally prepared for a fight. Yaz might be a human and had only one life to give, but that would never keep her from keeping the Doctor out of harm’s way if she could help it.

She couldn’t see the blonde’s face from her position, but her body language seemed too relaxed for Yaz’s liking. There had been a time when she had taken cues off of the way the Doctor held herself in dire situations, when she had adapted accordingly and either prepared herself for something bad to go down or relax; however that had been before she had learned the hard way that the alien played calm and collected - and sometimes clueless, the three C’s of the Doctor - almost every time so long she could help it.

“I know y’could, in theory, but from what I know an’ also just learned from you about the Kreatejl is that you’ve been a pacifist species since that last great war you mentioned, which I totally support - the pacifist lifestyle, not the war obviously. And since your powers had developed over the course of thousands of years as a defence mechanism against outside attackers and you in turn have stopped using them to their original extent, I’m gonna make an educated guess and postulate that while your demonstrations have been impressive, you don’t know how to actually kill someone with them cos you’ve never been taught how to. Either that or over generations these powers have kinda degenerated due to the lack of usage. Doesn’t matter, result’s the same,” the Doctor made a show of taking in a deep breath after her rapidfire monologue. “Also, y’still need me to get back to Sladolek, so put down that unnecessary bravado and show us how we get out here and to me TARDIS so we can get this sorted.”

Judging by the way Lady Merdena’s face had darkened with every word the blonde had spoken, she had hit the nail on its head a thousand times over. With just a few quick words, the Doctor had disassembled most of her pretenses and put her on the spot, forcing the white haired woman to take action and come clean. No matter how often she was witness to such a display of intelligence and quick wit, it didn’t cease to amaze her.

(And maybe make her fall just a little bit harder.)

“I refuse to confirm or deny these hypotheses of yours, Doctor,” Merdena growled low in her throat, wounded pride bringing a dull grey to her eyes, “but I agree that we should make our way to your ship right away. I can’t stand this planet and its people any second longer.”

At that, the Doctor turned around to her companions again, absolutely chuffed and pleased with herself. “Alright fam, y’heard her, let’s get goin-- oooh, jammy dodgers! They used to be me favourite two bodies ago, actually fooled a bunch of Daleks into thinking they were a self destruct button once,” she picked one up and pushed it into her mouth in one go, crumbs flying as she continued to talk. “Funny story, that, need to tell you sometime.”

And then there were moments like these, where Yaz started to wonder why she had started falling for this ridiculous woman in the first place.

An almost inaudible click turned everyone’s attention from the biscuit assortment on the table back to Lady Merdena standing right next to the fireplace and tapping her foot impatiently.

“If you’re finished, we can make our way out of here.”

The implication of a secret pathway through a fireplace brought an excited glint to the Doctor’s eyes and Yaz watched the corners of her mouth twitch in a way that said another anecdote was on the tip of her tongue just waiting to be shared. 

Before they could be held up any longer, she grabbed the blonde’s sleeve and pulled her to the hearth just as the boys were making their way over as well. “Sorry, Doctor, but your undoubtedly amazing story has to wait for a bit longer.”

“Y’know I can walk and talk at the same time, right?” the Doctor huffed indignantly but didn’t resist. “Bu’ fine, then I’ll tell you about that time when I snogged Madame de Pompadour another time. ‘S actually quite a sad story, to be honest.”

Yaz blinked owlishly for a second. Did she even want to hear this story? Maybe someday in the far future, but definitely not right now or as long as she was still worried that tentative thread between the Time Lord and her could break any moment. The urge to get back to the TARDIS only increased.

Pressing her lips together before she could say anything wrong, she pushed the Doctor through the hole in the wall where Graham and Ryan were already waiting for them. She didn’t know when she had started trusting Merdena - must have been only seconds ago since threatening to kill someone usually wasn’t a sign of trustworthiness - yet she still followed without complaining as they made their way through another dark underground path.

At least this time there were some lights illuminating their way, even though Yaz couldn’t make out what exactly they were - definitely not from Earth, that much she could tell.

Nobody uttered a word as they crept along the tunnel, not even the blond alien felt the need to fill the silence with anything. In the meantime Yaz’s hand had slid from her coat sleeve down to the Doctor’s hand, and if she hadn’t felt the familiar and reassuring squeeze of her fingers she might have thought the other woman was still sulking at her for not letting her tell her story.

Taking comfort in her presence, she let a familiar calm wash over her. This was nothing compared to other things they had already faced down together, she just hoped she could reassure the two men trudging along after her by appearing almost unbothered by the development. 

Despite the heavy silence - apart from the rhythmic sound of their feet hitting the ground - time seemed to pass quickly enough and next thing they knew they were spit out into another clearing in the woods. At the same time that Graham had taken his final step out of the tunnel, it virtually caved in on itself, the place the opening had previously occupied giving nothing away of its former presence.

More than just a bit disorientated, Yaz looked from the crescent moon in the sky to the faint turquoise band on the horizon. “How can it be dawning already? It can’t be more than, what, three hours since we walked out of the village - four tops!”

She was fully expecting the Doctor to ramble of a quick fire explanation, but Lady Merdena beat her to it. “There is a different time stream inside the tunnel than outside of it. It’s the same technology our portals are based on, how else are we supposed to cross light years to other places without dying on the way there?” 

It made a shocking amount of sense even if she didn’t understand how exactly this was supposed to work. Yaz made a mental note to ask the Doctor some other time about that, now they needed to get moving.

Despite the Time Lord being slightly pouty at being robbed of the chance to go into a sciency rant and impress her companions, or rather paying her sensitivities no mind, the other alien got down to business right away. “So, where have you parked your ship?”

“Bold of her to assume the Doctor actually parked her,” Ryan mumbled under his breath and Yaz snickered. It might’ve been only the young man’s second trip this time around with the Time Lord, but he had caught on quickly on her little endearing shortcomings.

“Oi, I heard that! Me ears’re way better than yours, I’m practically a bat compared to y’lot!”

“Shame you still refuse to listen often enough,” the Doctor turned around, all flapping coat tails, and faced her with a look of betrayal to which Yaz merely shrugged. “Y’can’t tell me I ain’t right, can ya?”

Huffing, but not denying Yaz’s claim, the blonde faced the Kreatejl with a sheepish look. “Good news is, she shouldn’t be too far from ‘ere. Bad news… we landed right in the middle of the village.”

Everyone sans the Doctor groaned. Now that was a minor detail Yaz herself had all too readily forgotten about. So to make matters worse, they would have to walk back right into the lion’s den where in all likelihood more enraged - or dead - townspeople would wait for them. It almost felt like a regular Tuesday.

They looked at each other in hope to find a solution in someone else’s face. However, yet unsurprisingly, everyone just seemed a bit lost. Impatiently as ever, the Doctor was the first to spring into action again.

“Ah well, let’s just head over there and see how bad it really is, eh?” she whipped out her sonic and scanned their surroundings, presumably to check for the general direction to the TARDIS.

Ryan, who was apparently still kind of miffed about having had to deal with two dark pathways within an hour, bumped Graham’s shoulder with his own to get his attention and murmured quietly. “Dunno what I prefer, getting shot at at random on an alien planet or getting hunted by 14th century humans while the plague rages.”

Yaz knew she technically hadn’t been the recipient of his words, but something about them rubbed her the wrong way so she felt compelled to butt in from the sidelines. “Since I were the one dumped into a cell and then having the alien equivalent of an entitled bigot rummage through my already suffering brain, I definitely prefer this moment in time, ta.”

Eyes wide and with a tinge of embarrassment in them, Ryan clicked his mouth shut again, and even Graham looked unsure whether he should reply anything. Looking at them, Yaz felt morsels of guilt at her snappy tone.

“‘M sorry, guys, it’s ju--”

She didn’t get far before the Doctor interrupted her, waving her sonic around wildly. “What’re ya waiting for? The village is this way!”

\--

Their brisk walk led them to a small hilltop right at the outskirts of the village, offering them an overview of all the huts and houses in front of them. Following the Doctor’s wordless instructions, they all either crouched or laid down flat on the ground to not be noticed in case anyone down there decided to look into their general direction.

There she stood in the orange torch light, proud and blue in what once probably had been a market square back before the plague had hit the tiny village. Their destination was clearly visible from their little lookout - and so were a bunch of very angry men with very sharp pitchforks and daggers, some rattling on the doors and burrowing their weapons into the wood. 

Yaz winced. “Didn’t you say once that the TARDIS has a perception filter so that people don’t really notice her? These fellas seem to be very aware of her.”

“Well if you’re determined to find something, anything, that’s not of this world, then the perception shift doesn’t really work. Once you start looking, you inevitably start seeing things. ‘S the same when people hear in your words what they want to hear instead of what you mean,” the Doctor looked at her with furrowed brows. “Does this analogy make sense?”

“Not one hundred percent, but I think we get the gist, thanks.”

Satisfied with Yaz’s approval, the blonde rolled onto her back so she could see Lady Merdena behind her - why she didn’t simply turn her head like any normal person would do was beyond Yaz. “So, y’don’t have another nice invisibility knick-knack or device or spell or whatever y’wanna call it on hand by any chance, do ya?”

“No, but you know I can incapacitate them long enough for us to slip through and into the ship, right?” If the Kreatejl was bemused about the Doctor’s odd behaviour, she didn’t show it.

However the other alien clearly showed her distaste for her suggestion. “We will not hurt these people.”

“I have caught on to your reluctance to use necessary force,” Merdena replied with a generous eye roll, “and despite thinking it pathetic I am willing to play by your rules as long as it gets me off this disgustingly wet planet and back home.”

“You can guarantee that the plague will go away and its effect on people will reverse once we’ve left Earth?”

The other woman shrugged. “Who died will stay dead, unfortunately, but apart from that: yes, I can guarantee you.”

After a beat, a broad smile spread on the Doctor’s face and she jumped up, looking at everyone expectantly. “Well, let’s get a shift on, shall we?”

Everything happened terrifyingly fast after that. Without any further instructions, everyone blindly followed the blonde racing down the hill and right into the midst of things. Lady Merdena barely managed to freeze the people’s feet to the ground in time before they noticed their advance.

Dodging a cacophony of curses and pitchforks thrown at them, they made it into the TARDIS, the ship already waiting for them with doors unlocked.

Catching a breath once inside, Yaz leaned her back against the door and watched the Doctor run up to the console, the others standing around and waiting to get away as fast as possible. Just as she was finished fiddling with dials and buttons and cranked the lever, the wood at Yaz’s back shuddered with a loud bang, causing her to startle and jump away with a gasp.

She wouldn’t be surprised if there was a pitchfork protruding from the wood the next time they went outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments, thoughts, theories, bday wishes? ;D


	26. twenty-six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merdena leaves, the boys confront Yaz, and the Doctor just needs a break - but what is new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not much I have to say apart from that Lady Merdena visited my city on Sunday and hasn't left yet... there are snow piles up to my knees and the temperatures are permanently below -10°C ... and the plague... well.

Once the TARDIS’ wheezing had passed, silence fell over the console room. However it didn’t take long for Lady Merdena’s impatient tapping on the grating with her foot to interrupt it.

“Do you need coordinates for Sladolek?”

Slowly and deliberately, the Doctor pushed herself off the console and regarded her newest guest. “Nah, I know where it is. Never been there, but the TARDIS can find the coordinates within a blip and get us there.”

Another beat of silence. Curious as to what the Doctor was aiming for, Yaz looked between the two aliens as they stared each other down. Merdena was the first to crack this time, a scowl forming on her lips. 

“So what are you waiting for? Enjoying my company so much you want to keep me around for a little bit longer?”

Nonchalantly, the Doctor wandered around the console, tapping a button here and there, clearly just for show and to rile the Kreatejl up more. Yaz really wasn’t sure what she was trying to accomplish with that, but as it was usually the case, she was kind of forced to go with it and simply watch things unfold.

Tapping the monitor in front of her with an innocent and broad grin, the blonde explained. “Well, y’see, first we will drift through the time vortex a bit so I can scan that village and check if your words turned out to be true. And if that’s the case… well, ya still gotta uphold your other end of the deal, dontcha?”

“Then please, for the love or whatever deity you put your feeble beliefs in, just do that so we can get on with things,” Lady Merdena waved her hand dismissively. “The humidity in all your breaths has been tearing on my reserves for far too long now.”

Graham raised an eyebrow at her interesting remark. “Does that mean if she gets too close we can just breathe a lot on her and she’ll start melting or something?”

The comment was met with a glare from the woman in question, yet she refrained from saying anything. Now that she was in the TARDIS and with that at the Doctor’s mercy, she didn’t seem to feel as above everything as before. A quick glance at the Doctor told her that she had noticed the slight change in her demeanour as well.

Humming a low tune, the blonde finally gave in before the situation might escalate and typed wildly on the screen before setting her face into a pensive frown. Yaz found herself unconsciously holding her breath and at least mentally crossing her fingers; she just wanted everything to be alright and get this over and done with. Although she would probably never admit it out loud, something about Lady Merdena still put her on edge and she couldn’t wait for her to be off the TARDIS for good.

“Alright, so!” the Doctor piped up from her hunched over position, catching everyone’s attention in an instant. “Everything’s as right as rain! I can’t find any anomalies in the village and the surrounding area, we did it!”

It felt like the whole room let go of the breath they had been holding from the second the blonde had squinted her eyes at the monitor. Relief washed over Yaz in waves and she looked at her friends, taking in their gleeful smiles as well. This was a way better outcome than their last trip and she was happy Ryan and Graham got the chance to witness an actual positive outcome.

Another glance to the side showed that even the other alien woman seemed to have lost a bit of tension in her shoulders at the Time Lord’s proclamation. 

But now with this part of their deal done and out of the way, the other part would have to be talked about. Without the three humans in earshot.

Pressing her lips together, she shared a long look with the Doctor. Yaz knew she wanted to speak to Merdena now, and while it still didn’t sit one hundred percent right with her, she wanted to make good of her promise and not take it too hard to be left out of the conversation. 

So instead she decided to be proactive about it.

Approaching Ryan and Graham, she clapped her hands on their respective shoulders. “Alright, chaps, I think after this successful day it’s time we’ll fetch ourselves a nice cuppa and then either hop off to bed or put on a movie if you’re still feeling wide awake. How’s that sound?”

Relieved to be given an easy way out of the strange tension filling the room, the two men merely shared a quick glance before nodding eagerly. Herding her friends into the direction of the kitchen, Yaz threw another look over her shoulder at the Doctor still watching them. To her own relief, her silently mouthed 'find me later?' was immediately answered with a smile and nod. 

However nothing saved her from the contemplative stares she felt boring into her back as she prepared tea for the three of them in the kitchen. That and the hushed whispers she could hear finally made her turn around.

“Oh for the love of everything, spit it out, will ya? There’s really no need to mumble behind me back like that.”

If she weren’t so annoyed with them, Yaz would’ve laughed at the first shocked and then sheepish expression the two men were sporting. 

“Um…”

Crossing her arms in front of her chest and leaning back against the counter, she raised an eyebrow. “Yes, Ryan? I’m all ears.”

Her friend pressed his lips together in a tight line and looked to his grandfather for support. Said man was in turn still looking at Yaz like a scolded child until Ryan got impatient and nudged him in the arm to get his attention, casting him a pleading look. By now it was quite hard for her to keep the amused grin off her face.

Yaz could pinpoint the exact moment both of them broke, then proceeded to look at her with expressions guiltier than what she had seen in her line of work so far. 

“We were just wondering, y’see, about… you and the Doc.”

Oh this better be good. “And what did you wonder exactly?”

“Well, uhm,” Ryan scratched his neck awkwardly as he searched for the right words to keep them out of trouble, “there’s been goin’ on a lot b’tween y’two today, like… y’were constantly holding hands, then you kinda had a fight, then there was more hand holding. And you were suffering so much back in Sheffield before she turned up and now y’kinda… seem happier, I guess.”

At his last words, Yaz’s face immediately softened and she let go of the rigid way she had been holding her shoulders. They were just worrying and trying to take care of her the best way they knew.

Shaking her head with a fond smile, she pushed herself off the counter again and brought three mugs over to the table. 

“I’m happier now that I’m back on the TARDIS, that’s right. I know so far you haven’t had the best second impressions of what this life is like, but despite the stress and occasional pain I wouldn’t trade it for all the good times and the amazing things I’ve seen and will get to see.”

Feeling emboldened by her reaction, Ryan shot her a cheeky grin. “But, Yaz, mate, be honest, it’s not just the great wonders of the universe that makes you happy, is it?”

Raising the mug to her tea and blowing the steam away, she tried to buy herself some time to think. She knew what he was playing at, but was she ready to openly broach the subject yet? Figuring now was as good a time as any, she took a sip with a small smile that in all likelihood gave everything away before putting her tea down again.

“No, it’s not,” she could practically see the two men hanging on her every word while waiting for the ones that would confirm their theory, “it really wouldn’t be the same without ya, ‘m so glad to have ya here with me.”

It was hard to keep a straight face at their simultaneous groans. 

So she told them everything. Well, not  _ everything _ , there were definitely some memories she’d keep to herself, but enough to put an actual smile on her friends’ lips. 

“We’re still kinda maneuvering this new situation, so I don’t know what this right now is exactly, but I’ll talk to her soon. Hopefully before this mess is sorted.” When she looked up from her mug to gauge their reactions, Ryan’s grin seemed a tad too gleeful for her liking, and she gave him her best police stare. “I know you, Ryan Sinclair. If there’s a bet between you two about the Doctor and me I will see to it that you’ll never get to play any gaming console on this ship ever again.”

The way he instantly seemed to turn paler and his eyes widened in shock gave him away before she had even really finished her sentence. Her eyes narrowed and she pursed her lips.

“Tell me you didn’t,” then realisation struck her and her eyes snapped to Graham who made his best efforts to hide behind his mug. “Graham O’Brien, you’re actually indulging him? I’m appalled!”

“Why’d you think I’d do that?” the older man tried to defend himself, but it was a weak attempt, not even standing a second’s chance.

“With whom else is he supposed to bet? The TARDIS?”

(In all fairness, she wouldn’t put it past the sentient ship to actually do something like that.)

“We’re sorry?”

Considering the identical pleading looks they were giving her, it was hard to imagine they weren’t actually related by blood. Yaz was already appeased - she couldn’t stay mad at the both of them for too long - but a little devil inside her wanted to see them squirm  _ just a little bit _ more. 

“You can show me how sorry you are by giving me half the money you got in the pool.”

“C’mon Yaz, that’s not fair!” The outcry was immediate, to which she only cocked an eyebrow again.

“Are you  _ really _ in the position to decide what’s fair and what’s not here?”

Relishing in the silence that followed, she cast the two men an overly innocent (but not less smug) smile and went to look through the cupboards. “So, fancy a movie to unwind or nah?”

\---

She barely made it through Arielle without falling asleep. 

They had easily settled on the first Disney movie that they found in the ship’s vast collection, all three of them in the mood for something easily digestible and nostalgic - even if Ryan refused to admit it - and curled up one way or another under their respective blankets on the large couch in the movie room.

Once the credits started rolling, they started stretching and yawning as if on cue. Well, everyone except Graham. They found said man fast asleep with his head hanging halfway over the backrest, every other breath coming out of his half opened mouth sounding like a low wheeze. 

Laughing under his breath, Ryan shook his grandfather’s shoulder. “Wakey wakey, old man. Y’gonna get a stiff neck like that.”

As she picked up their mugs and the now empty popcorn bowl, Yaz could hear Graham’s faint protests and smiled to herself. She loved these little ordinary moments. However no matter how much she treasured their little movie night and tucked them away in a far corner of her mind in the hope she wouldn’t ever forget them (again), she still couldn’t help wishing the Doctor had joined them. 

Wishing the still bickering boys a good night, she brought the dirty dishes into the kitchen before she headed off to her own room. Secretly, she had been hoping that the TARDIS would guide her to the Doctor instead - the conversation with Merdena should’ve been over a long time by now, shouldn’t it? - but to her disappointment she did not only arrive at her door without detour, it was empty as well.

So it basically was getting ready for bed and hoping for the best. Once again.

However Yaz hadn’t even made it to the other end of her room before there was a tentative knock at her door. Knowing already who it was, she merely called over her shoulder for her visitor to come in while she searched her dresser for a fresh set of pyjamas. Both hands deep inside the drawer, she heard the telltale sound of her door opening and closing, and then-- nothing.

Just as she was about to turn around to see what was up, arms snaked around her middle and the weight of a head holding half of the universe’s secrets came to rest between her shoulder blades. Worried, but no less smiling for the display of affection, Yaz traced the Doctor’s knuckles with her fingertips.

“Rough day at the office?”

There was a snort behind her and the arms around her tightened for a second as a cool nose made contact with her neck, making her skin break out in goosebumps. 

“Y’could say that,” then the Doctor’s head snapped up with enough force to jostle her. “Wait, that were a figure of speech, right? Cos I weren’t in me off- do I even have one? Yaz, do I need an office?”

She chuckled at her confused whine. “I don’ think y’do, no.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Y’disappointed now?”

“Maybe a bit.”

Once she had turned around in the blonde’s arms, she was faced with an expression more downtrodden than was reasonable given their conversation topic. Humming noncommittally, Yaz tucked a disarrayed strand of hair behind the other woman’s ear and leaned forward to place a soft kiss to her pouting lips.

Satisfied with the little smile the kiss left on the Doctor’s face, she decided to get the most pressing matter right out of the way. “So is Merdena still around or did you drop her off without giving us a chance to say goodbye?”

“Yep, she’s back home-- oh no, I shouldn’t have just done that, that were proper rude of me, weren’t it?”

“Nah, I think you’re good. I’m going out on a limb here and say neither of us was too fond of her anyway.” Not giving the other woman a chance to reply to that, Yaz immediately braced herself and went to the probably most important question of the day. “So… d’ya wanna talk about it? You don’t seem too happy considering you should be closer to the solution now, but while I’m dead curious to know more about these creatures and how to get rid of them, it’s totally fine if you’re not ready to talk yet, okay? I feel like I’m starting to ramble so… just know that I’m more than willing to listen if y’wanna talk things through.”

For a second the Doctor’s mouth opened as if she wanted to speak, her tongue darting quickly over her lower lip, however then something inside her eyes seemed to break and darken and she just shook her head before she leaned it onto Yaz’s shoulder and hid her face in the crook of her neck.

Instantly, Yaz’s arms tightened around her and she pressed a kiss to her parting. “That’s alright, Doctor.”

“Can we just go to bed, please?” came the faint mumble from Yaz’s collar bones.

She was definitely surprised by the request. “You’re gonna sleep the second night in a row?”

“Nah, probably not.” Finally the Time Lord removed her face from her neck and looked at her tentatively, her words quiet. “But I feel calmer when you’re around. If that’s okay with you. I can totally leave when y’find it creepy or I’ll keep you awake. Might pop off to the workshop in between anyway, get some things ready, the like… and I’ll be back before y’wake up, I promise, I noticed y’didn’t like it when I were gone this morning and--”

Yaz shut her rambling up - again - with a kiss, grinning against the blonde’s lips the whole time as a boundless wave of affection rolled over her. It was more than adorable how the ancient alien was fiddling with both her words and Yaz’s shirt, seemingly just as unsure about where they were standing as Yaz was feeling.

"C'mon you, pick something comfy from my dresser while I go brush my teeth and then it's off to bed for the both of us."

Filled with a new sense of vigour, the Doctor let go of her and headed straight for the still open drawer. 

"Sleepin' with Yaz, amazin'!" then, upon realising what she'd just said, the alien turned beet red and started sputtering, "I- sorry I didn't mean it li--" 

Despite feeling slightly embarrassed herself, Yaz still laughed and squeezed the Doctor's arm as she made her way to the en suite. It was kind of curious how the other woman could be so flustered by these implications when Yaz  _ knew _ they had actually acted upon them in the past.

When she came out of the bathroom, she found the Doctor already sprawled across the bed like a starfish, the top of her red plaid pyjama ridden up high enough to expose a sliver of pale skin. Remembering the blonde’s words from mere minutes ago, Yaz gulped.

No. Sleeping time. Normal, regular sleep.

“Budge up or you’ll have to sleep - or doze or whatever you’re planning on doing - alone.”

Instantly, the Doctor complied and dove under the covers in a flurry of limbs, looking at her with all innocence in the world once she had come to rest. Shaking her head, Yaz crawled in where the other woman held up the blanket for her and settled with her back flush against the Doctor’s front. Without further ado, an arm snaked around her middle again and a cool nose buried itself into her hair.

Yaz already felt exhaustion clawing at her consciousness. “G’night, Doctor.”

“Sleep well, my love.”

The last thing she noticed before sleep finally took her was the graze of soft lips on her neck as the Doctor hummed an unfamiliar tune into her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does the Doctor need an office? Or does she have one and just forgotten about it? You tell me.


	27. twenty-seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well... _stuff_ happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SUESTOHELIT! You picked the perfect date for your birthday with today's update! :D 
> 
> It's... _special_ 😏

Yaz woke up to a tickling sensation. 

It was running from her side up to her shoulders and then down her arms, just to turn around and go back the way it came. It was pleasant enough, though, not forcing her to wake up completely yet, keeping her teetering on the edge of consciousness. Humming low in her throat, she buried her face deeper into the soft pillow and wiggled closer to the warm body behind her.

For a second the motion stopped and she was on the verge of grunting in disapproval, however then it returned, making a detour down and up her stomach, always stopping just shy of her breasts before returning onto its original path. Soon after, the titillating feeling the hand - it had to be a hand, right? - was leaving was joined by another one right at the base of her neck at the same time it was dipping down to the crease of her thigh.

Her own gasp at the feeling rushing straight to her core jolted her fully awake and into the present, the hand stilling immediately, now only a soft pressure on her hip. Lips detached from the soft skin on her neck as the woman behind her shifted away from her. 

“I’m sorry, didn’ mean to wake you.”

Yaz turned onto her back to face the Doctor now hovering above her, blond strands falling forward and tickling the tip of her nose. Judging by the dim light spilling in from the artificial windows - they even had shutters and guess who had forgotten to lower them last night? - they were in the early hours of the morning. 

Apparently the alien had made good on her word and had occupied herself with something else, probably the endless list of TARDIS repairs, judging by the change of clothes. Where hours before had been the plaid pyjama top was now her standard combination of white and maroon shirts. Even in the dark Yaz could make out the colour clash between the latter and the red pyjama bottoms.

“Y’thought you could just grab a feel without me noticing?” she blinked up at the blonde, voice and tongue still heavy from sleep.

“I- what- no, that’s not what I-” when Yaz cracked up at her scandalised look and she realised she had just been pulling her leg, the Doctor pulled a face and whined. “Yaz! That were right mean.”

“Sorry, you looked proper ruffled there, I just couldn’t res--”

Unexpectedly, something came back to her from last night and her eyes widened, the words coming out before she even had the time to truly think about them.

“You called me ‘my love’ last night.”

The other woman frowned down at her. “Yeah, so? Shouldn’t I ‘ave?”

“No, no, it were just… unexpected, I guess.” Right after waking up at some time what felt like 3 or 4 a.m. to her with her brain still addled from sleep was definitely not when Yaz had expected to approach the subject, but here they were now. “Y’know, with all that… that… Doctor, what are we, what is this?”

When the alien looked at her quizzically, she gesticulated between them as well as she could with their close proximity until the metaphorical light bulb went off for the Time Lord.

“Oh, you mean the official label for our relationship?”

“Well, not necessarily official-official, that’s a whole ‘nother thing, but yeah.”

The Doctor bit her lip for a moment, clearly thinking over what words to choose, and Yaz’s heart clenched harder the longer she stayed silent. 

“I take it y’don’t remember everything yet?” she asked at last, voice uncharacteristically unsure.

Stroking sleep-tousled hair first out of the Doctor’s face then out of her own, she shook her head with a sigh. “No, somehow I had barely any flashbacks since I’m back on the TARDIS, so I were hoping that I got almost everything or at least the most important stuff back but,” Yaz shrugged as best as she could while on her side, “...but from the look on your face it seems like I’m still missing some crucial details. But yeah- I know there were something between us, that we were at this point before, that we did some… stuff.”

She couldn’t properly see it, but Yaz swore she could feel the Doctor’s face heating up. 

“We didn’t just do some _stuff_ , we were proper together, actually. T’were still all quite new when this memory loss thing happened, bu’... y’were my girlfriend, Yaz.”

For a second, it seemed like time had come to a complete standstill around her, the words only slowly trickling from her ears into her brain and then her consciousness. Now it was the Time Lord’s turn to become more anxious the longer Yaz tried to compute everything and kept staring at her silently.

“I’m not sayin’ that this is what we’re supposed to be now, of course, lots has changed since then for ya so if y’still need time that’s completely fine, or even if you don’t want this for us anymore that’s also, well, fine’s not the right word I guess cos I’d be sad about it - not saying that to sway you in any direction, really! - but… yeah.”

Within the past forty-eight hours (had it really only been two days since she was back on the TARDIS? With everything that had happened it already felt like a month) it had apparently turned into a new habit for her to just kiss the Doctor instead of replying. This time, there was enough force behind her action to actually tip her over and roll herself on top of the other woman, slotting her hips between her thighs as if they belonged there.

And maybe they did.

When she reluctantly broke the kiss - not everyone in this bed had some sort of bypass system or whatever the Doctor called it - she was met with wide and dark eyes. 

“Does this mean…”

Yaz took in the woman beneath her, her golden hair fanned out on the pillow like a halo, swallowing visibly as she gazed up at Yaz as if she had just hung the moon for her. The unabashed adoration almost made her dizzy, especially with the rollercoaster they had been on the past days.

First the Doctor had been fighting against the emotions that were obviously brewing between them, then she had agreed to actually give this thing between them a go (again), albeit reluctantly, and now she was short of ecstatic to resume where they had left off. It was all a bit much and in all honesty Yaz felt like something was amiss, that there was still some little piece of the puzzle she hadn’t found yet, but the feeling of the Doctor’s solid body against her own was forcing all those nagging thoughts to the back of her mind - for now.

Lowering her face to touch the tips of their noses together, she watched the blonde go cross eyed with fond amusement, her next words a loaded whisper in the tiny gap between their lips. “Duh, of course I’ll be your girlfriend. Or keep being. Same diff--”

A yelp escaped Yaz as the Doctor took a firm hold of her hips and rolled them over again before she swallowed the sound right off the source, humming happily against her mouth. She could do nothing but to card her fingers through the soft hair at the base of the blonde’s skull with one hand, effectively cradling her head, and press her closer with the other on the middle of her back.

The Time Lord took that as incentive to gently prod Yaz’s lower lip with her tongue, instantly receiving entrance. Within seconds, their kiss became heated, their mouths moving in tandem against each other as if they had done nothing else in their lives, and without wanting to Yaz bucked her hips upwards, the resulting sensation deep inside her core forcing her to break away with a slow groan.

For a moment she was afraid to look at the other woman - her _girlfriend_ \- worried that this reaction could scare her off again, that this was too soon, but the blonde only looked down at her with a smile on her kiss-swollen lips.

“Yasmin Khan, I know I’ve said it before, but you’re a marvel.”

She didn’t even get a chance to reply to that - but what was she supposed to say anyway? - since the Doctor immediately dove down to her neck, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses all the way from her ear down to her collarbone that left her gasping and clutching at the blonde’s shirt right below her shoulder blades.

Not to mention bucking her hips again, especially when the blonde zeroed in on the sensitive spot right at her pulse point and bit down with just enough force to make red hot desire flood her veins.

“If I didn’t already know, I’d now definitely believe that we’ve done this before,” Yaz managed to grit out when the other woman finally let off her neck to kiss along her collarbone again. 

When the Doctor was met with the barrier of her pyjama top, she looked up questioningly at her, fiddling with the topmost tiny button. “May I?”

“Only if y’make it even”, she rebutted with a pointed look at the blonde’s chest.

Without preamble the Doctor made quick work of her own two shirts, pulling them gracelessly over her head and leaving her hair a complete mess, and directly went for Yaz’s top again. However her nimble fingers faltered the second Yaz, albeit awkwardly due to the position of both of their arms, palmed both of her breasts in her hands and flicked the pink nipples with her thumbs.

The way her girlfriend shuddered at the contact sent a wave of arousal through her body, concentrating between her legs. Yet before she could cant her hips up in search of some friction, the other woman moved, inching her whole body lower to close her mouth around one of Yaz’s nipples, making her arch her back. 

She definitely wasn’t complaining.

It was becoming hard to differentiate between the Doctor’s pleased noises and her own, the sensations coursing through her making her slightly woozy and leaving her tingling all over as the blonde seemed to kiss and lick and touch every last part of her upper body on her journey downwards. 

When she stopped all of a sudden, Yaz opened her eyes - when had she closed them in the first place? - to check what was wrong, and maybe complain a little bit, however all words left her when she found the Doctor staring at her tattoo, her gaze soft and with an undercurrent of sadness.

Ignoring the arousal still burning inside her, she reached down and tucked a strand of hair behind the Time Lord’s ear. “You okay?”

That seemed to shake her out of her absentmindedness and she shot her a brilliant smile before she descended onto the tattoo, latching her lips onto it, licking, biting, and sucking as if she wanted to extract the ink from her skin. Groaning, Yaz all but pushed her crotch into the blonde’s face.

Humming amusedly and sending shivers through Yaz’s skin, the Doctor pressed her hips down onto the mattress, skimming along the border of her bottoms.

Yaz was just about to whine and beg the other woman to get a shift on, the liquid fire coursing through her and the wetness she could already feel pooling in her knickers driving her positively insane, when the Doctor looked up with a cheeky grin, playfully twirling the bow of Yaz’s trousers around her finger.

“Can I show you what else y’forgot?”

The hoarseness of her voice and the darkness swallowing her hazel irises betrayed the desire she was feeling just as much and Yaz let her head fall back against the pillow with a thud, closing her eyes as she gritted out her response.

“I think I already got a good picture of that but ye-- _oh._ ”

Any mental capacity she had to contemplate how the blonde had managed to pull both her bottoms and her knickers down that fast went out of the window as a hot kiss was pressed to her clit.

Yaz groaned in semi-frustration. "Off off _off_!" 

Knowing exactly what she meant (the frantic wiggle of her hips probably gave her away as well), the Time Lord rose and shifted to pull the offending garments off her completely. Yaz felt cool air hit her heated up body and her skin broke out in goosebumps, yet all of this was forgotten the second a warm tongue wiggled its way from her entrance up to her clit and gave it an experimental flick.

_“Tell me what you like.”_

The words echoed inside her head and it took a split second for her to realise the Doctor hadn’t actually said anything, couldn’t have said anything since her head was still between her legs, lapping enthusiastically and pushing all the right buttons.

Images flared up in her mind’s eye, of the Doctor and her on this very bed, fumbling a bit awkwardly and trying to find their way around each other’s body. Their first time.

Moaning, she buried one hand in the Doctor’s hair, holding on tightly and eliciting a groan that resonated from her labia through her core and then right up her spine. She barely got time to catch her breath before another memory pushed its way forward.

_Pale skin glowing in the golden lightning of the console room. Back muscles taut, hair a mess, hazel eyes screwed shut. The Doctor moaning and pushing back frantically against Yaz’s fingers inside her._

It was as if her body as well as her mind were caught up in a rush of arousal and pleasure and Yaz couldn’t do anything but helplessly ride the wave and try to grind herself against the Doctor’s face as best as she could with the Time Lord’s strong hands pinning her hips down. 

It was maddening.

With each new memory teased out of her by the blonde’s talented tongue, each more salacious than the last, Yaz could feel the coil in her stomach tightening further and fresh waves of wetness rushing to her cunt. It was no use wondering whether the Doctor noticed judging by the way she groaned against her and thrust her tongue in and out more frantically as she tried to lap up every last drop. 

“Doc- Doctor, I’m- please--”

Yaz was grateful she didn’t have to say more - she didn’t think she actually could form a coherent sentence for the life of her right now - for the Doctor to understand. When the other woman’s hot mouth found her clit and she started sucking in rhythm with her own double heartbeat, a relieved sob escaped her as she was brought closer and closer to the precipice.

All it took was one calculated flick against the swollen nub to finally send Yaz off the cliff, her whole body tensing, back arching and her mouth hanging open with a drawn out groan. 

Only when the Doctor gently brought her back to the present with gentle licks and kisses against her hot flesh and the blissful numbness slowly left her body, she noticed how hard her grip was on the blonde’s hair and immediately let go, trying to smooth out the chaos she had created with an apologetic look.

The Doctor didn’t seem too bothered by her state of disarray, shooting her a dopey smile with half her face glistening in Yaz’s arousal. 

“Hey you.”

“Hey yourself”, Yaz whispered back dreamily, “C’mere.”

The blonde alien went willingly as she was pulled up Yaz’s body, skimming the rapidly cooling skin here and there with both hands and kisses until their lips finally found each other again, both women humming happily into the kiss and the shared taste.

Sudden pressure on her left thigh caught her attention enough to break their lazy kiss and she looked down from blown out pupils and kiss swollen lips to where the Doctor had settled herself onto her leg. 

When had she even lost the rest of her clothes?

However that definitely wasn’t something to dwell on right now, there were more important matters to tend to. 

“Lemme--” she trailed her fingers down from her girlfriend’s face over her neck, drawing a circle around one nipple, descending further down over her abdomen. Yet before they could find their destination, the Doctor gently pried her hand away and pressed it onto her left thigh, signalling with a look for it to stay there.

“Nah, ‘s fine, y’still need to- to rest a bit more, still too early for you humans. I can-- ah!”

Yaz really hoped that this had never happened before, because she would’ve been absolutely mad at her own brain if it had had the audacity to forget the image in front of her. Pale thighs were straining with exertion as the Doctor ground her cunt down against her thigh in slow motions, her hands keeping a tight grip on Yaz’s shoulders, and she could feel the Doctor’s laboured breath in the small space between them.

The picture should and would forever stay ingrained inside her mind.

While it was absolutely tempting to just watch the show enfold and offer nothing but quiet encouragement and praise as the warm wetness against her skin seemed to increase with every uttered word, there was something even more tempting.

When the blonde closed her eyes as another wave of pleasure went through her, Yaz moved her hand away from the Doctor’s thigh and wriggled two of her fingers between their bodies to press against her clit. Immediately her eyes flew open as a surprised moan forced its way out of her and she jolted forward, barely managing to catch herself against the mattress before she could fall on top of Yaz completely.

Satisfied with her girlfriend’s reaction, Yaz shot her a smug grin before she started drawing tight circles with her fingers, not giving the Doctor a single chance to verbally reply to her unexpected assault. It didn’t take long for her previously deliberate movements to quicken and falter, indicating she was close to coming, but something was missing. 

“Since when’re you trying to be quiet? C’mon, let me hear you.”

As if on cue, the grip on her shoulders tightened painfully and a series of unintelligible curses and mewls tumbled from the Doctor’s lips. All it took after that were two more pushes against her clit and her thighs squeezed around Yaz’s as a violent shudder went through her and she came with a loud mixture of a groan and a whine.

When the Doctor slowly came back to again under Yaz’s languid strokes over her naked skin, her chest still heaving and her legs trembling slightly, she blinked at her disorientedly. 

It was more than tempting to just pull her down and kiss her senseless, but there was something Yaz had to check first. Slowly and watching for any discomfort on the Doctor’s face, she let two fingers drift back down to her cunt, swiping through her folds and collecting the excess wetness there as the woman above her gasped at the overstimulation.

Never leaving her eyes, Yaz licked at her coated fingers, humming in approval. “Definitely didn’t forget that taste.”

The blonde gaped at her, eyes impossibly black as they watched her suck her fingers clean. Her low growl shot another wave of heat straight through Yaz’s body.

“Oh stars, what’re you doing to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It had to happen sometime, and I bet a lot of you were waiting (im)patiently :D


	28. twenty-eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you thought the Doctor wouldn't secondguess and have doubts about what happened then you don't know her at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> funny how the smut chapter of all the chapters gets comparatively few comments... I expected something else from y'all ngl :P
> 
> I'm already so excited for the next few chapters but until then this one here has to suffice, give you a nice lil breather and all

The Doctor quietly closed the door behind her and leant against the wood with a sigh.

What had she done? 

Exactly what she had tried to prevent when the fam had entered the TARDIS again, that’s what. It was baffling how, after thousands and thousands of years, all her resolve could still be crumbled and turned to dust at the whim (and admirable determination) of one single human being.

Alas, she couldn’t dwell on that now, she had to heed Lady Merdena’s advice and check whether what she had told her about the Devoramenti held actual truth to it and was more than just folklore passed down from generation to generation. While she was a big fan of hope, everything sounded too good to be true.

Smiling sadly, she raised her head to the ceiling.

“Y’gonna let me know when she’s about to wake up, eh?”

The TARDIS gave an affirmative chirp but nothing more, and the Doctor was glad for it. She was in no mood to discuss her precarious state of mind (and hearts, for that matter) with her nosey ship right now.

Pushing herself off the door, she made her way to the console room, cracking her knuckles for good measure. It was important to loosen them up for what she was about to do, nothing worse than stiff fingers when you needed to fiddle with tiny things and save the universe, or when trying to get the custard cream that fell into the most impossible crack under the console. 

By Rassilon, she could still feel the awkward bend she had found herself in then and hear the TARDIS’ uncompassionate laugh just as vividly

Entering the console room, she was greeted by the typical warm orange glow pulsing in a slow steady rhythm. Apparently her ship was just as eager to work this thing out as she was. She had just started tapping away on the monitor when there was a soft trickle in the back of her mind.

_Don’t you think you should put in some research before you waste time searching for components in the wrong places?_

“Oi, what’s that supposed to mean? I know what I need an’ where to find it!” she tapped the side of her head with her index finger. “‘S all right ‘ere.”

_If you say so. Where do you need me to go for the dimension expansion fibrillator?_

The Doctor was already fiddling with some buttons. “The Lunar market of Rapsalon-C, lemme just enter the coordinates. Very rare component, outlawed on so many planets for reasons I don’ really get to be honest, but anyway… good thinkin’ of ya to go for the most complicated thing first, gets a lotta stuff outta the way right in the beginning!”

The ship gave an affirmative hum around her as she triple-checked the coordinates. Better safe than sorry, this was a crucial matter after all. Satisfied with everything, she reached for the dematerialisation lever with a giddy smile.

Was it questionable that she was actually looking forward to the whole scavenger hunt considering what was at stake? Probably, but a scavenger hunt was a scavenger hunt and she just _loved_ those.

(She was still jealous of human children for having those as a popular game at birthday parties. Like, birthday parties and scavenger hunts _at the same time_! Amazing!)

Also, there was nothing wrong with facing trouble with a positive attitude.

Feeling the material under her palm slowly warming up to her touch, she finally pulled the lever down and waited for the familiar wheezing sound. Which never came.

Furrowing her eyebrows in confusion, she first shot an inquiring look to the ceiling. When there was no reply, she ran over to the door, checking if anything had changed about their whereabouts. Yet all she was greeted with were the maddeningly beautiful swirls and shapes of the time vortex.

Slamming the door in budding frustration, she stomped back to the console and cranked the lever again.

And again.

Again.

Scanning everything in front of her and finding nothing wrong, she pushed herself off the console with a groan and raised her arms halfway as she addressed the ship. “What? What’s wrong now? Why won’t you move?”

_Maybe because you don’t need a dimension expansion fibrillator and thus looking for one is, as I previously pointed out, a waste of time._

For a beat the Doctor blinked owlishly, then the penny dropped with a loud bang and she barked at thin air. “Were you actually playing me?!”

_Like a fiddle._

“I can’t believe you sometimes!” she cursed on further. “Pulling a stint like this under these circumstances!”

Her protests however fell on deaf ears - if the TARDIS even had any - the air heavy with nothing but the low hum of the engine keeping them afloat. Gritting her teeth, she finally conceded the error of her ways after a few deep breaths.

“Fine, you win. But I dare you to do something like this again, I will repair the chameleon circuit just to get you stuck in- in- in whatever shape y’really hate!”

The jingle she received was hard to interpret, but at least her ship had acknowledged her words. Huffing, and maybe a tiny bit defeated, she made her way to the library. Or rather one of the libraries. If the TARDIS stopped being difficult, she could at least get to the one with the adjoined lab and test some of her theories.

Holding her breath, she pushed up the first great oaken double door that came her way.

\---

All things considered (those things being, among others, setting off the sprinklers and accidentally creating a whole new chemical element - the two things being two separate incidents no less), it had been one and a half successful hours she had spent holed up between books and questionable chemicals.

She could’ve spent way more time perfecting everything, but her stomach had started rumbling and all she had found in her coat pockets was an empty custard cream wrapper. Which, in all fairness, was even worse than having plainly empty pockets - it was like empty squared! Taking into account that Yaz would probably wake up soon anyway as well, the Doctor beat the remaining soot out of her coat and made her way to the kitchen.

She hadn’t even turned the last corner completely before she noticed a figure hunched over whatever they had in front of them on the table.

“You’re up early,” she observed quietly, trying not to startle her friend too much.

If Ryan was surprised by her presence, he didn’t show it, he merely cast her a tired look before he buried his face in his hands, mumbling dejectedly. “Don’ remind me, kept having nightmares and after hours of tossing n’ turning I decided it were no use anyway.”

Passing him, she looked at him empathetically. “I see, no wonder ya havin’ your tea without milk.”

This caused him to peek out from between his fingers, a confused frown barely concealed. “Whaddaya mean? I always have me tea black.”

“No, you always have it with a swig of mi- huh.”

It was a harsh realisation to have in the early hours of the morning, or would be if times of day mattered to her like that. She had wanted to believe that the loss or rather replacement of memories wouldn’t have actually changed anything about her friends, however this was the first tangible proof that, in fact, deviations to their personalities were possible.

It settled like a stone in her stomach. Yes, she definitely needed to put all of her brains into getting rid of those nasty buggers and find a way to restore her friend’s memories. 

Well, maybe not all of them, there were some things they could very well live without - like whatever was an origin of nightmares, or…

The Doctor decided to drown out that train of thought with the sound of cereal falling into her bowl. Biting her lip, she looked at the box in her hands. Yep, she should definitely leave some for Yaz; the memory of the last time she had eaten the last box without telling her was still too fresh in her mind.

While it hadn’t been a serious fight or anything, it had still been enough to put on her list to never ever get Yaz full blown angry with her. Their recent tussle in the German woods had just cemented that for her.

Filling up the bowl with what was probably considered too much milk on at least five hundred planets, she carefully walked over to the table. Absolutely proud of herself for not spilling a single drop on the whole way over, she put the dish down with a flourish, promptly leading to a bit of the by now slightly pink liquid sloshing over the brim.

At least Ryan had the decency to say nothing, albeit he was in all likelihood hiding an amused grin behind his mug.

“So, whatcha been up to in the middle of the night? Nightmares as well?”

“Nah, already slept last night, like… a full five and a half hours! So I’ll be good for another few days. Maybe a short power nap the day after tomorrow, depending on what we get up to.”

She didn’t need to tell him that it had been a miracle for said hours to be devoid of any kind of bad dreams. Back before the incident she had only just started confiding in Yaz about them - and that only because she had woken the other woman up one time too often with her anguished screams - which had been hard enough for her.

“How d’you keep yourself busy with all that time at your disposal?”

“Well, technically I got _all_ of time at me disposal, eh? But mostly I do some maintenance, or read up on me 78th century literature backlog- that reminds me there’s this _amazing_ novel from 76th century New New Franconia I wanted to show you! Sometimes I even nip out for a quick trip when you lot are dead asleep. But right now I just came from the labrary, trying some things out against Devoramenti dearest.”

The Doctor clearly could’ve gone on for ages, the list of things she could and wanted to do was as long as the TARDIS’ spare parts list after all, but her cereal was getting soggy. Instead of using her spoon to fish for the remaining bits floating around, she raised the whole bowl to her face and started slurping.

The frown on Ryan’s face had deepend the longer she went on. “You mean library?”

She put the bowl back down, leaving a pink milk moustache in her wake. “No no, lab-rary! It’s a library with a lab - how brilliant is that?”

“That sounds like a proper fire hazard.”

“Nah, only if you’re not being careful, which I always am!”

He shot her a pointed look. “How come your hair’s wet, then? Got a swimming pool too, that labrary?”

Ugh, her hair, she had completely forgotten about that; she could already feel it doing that weird wavy thing when it got wet by accident. Luckily enough she had been wearing her waterproof lab coat when it had started raining down on her, otherwise she would’ve made a right mess on her way to the kitchen.

“That’s in a different part of the TARDIS, but I can show you the directions if y’fancy a good ol’ swim. A proper good way to kick your cardiovascular system into gear in the morning, too! Bu’ to answer your question: no, I just accidentally set off the sprinklers-- hey, don’t look at me like that, there were _no_ fire involved!”

Giving in, Ryan just cast her a last doubtful look and shook his head. She wasn’t exactly sure how to interpret that now, but she was literally saved by the bell from thinking too much of it. 

A sound like an alarmed windchime sounded through the kitchen and vibrated off the walls, causing the Doctor to immediately jump up from her seat. Her heart leapt to her throat in a confusing mix of joy and anxiousness, making her stumble as she quickly put her empty bowl into the sink.

Meanwhile, Ryan was knitting his brows at the unexpected sound and her instantaneous reaction. “Something wrong?”

“Nah,” the Doctor waved him off, already halfway out the door, “she’s just letting me know Yaz’s about to wake up.”

“What’s she doin’ that for?” 

Judging by the look of utter curiosity on his face, it had been the wrong thing to say. Yet somehow she couldn’t stop talking, the giddiness in her veins making her uncontrollably loquacious - even more than usual.

“Oh, it’s just that Yaz doesn’t particularly like it to wake up alone after we spent the night together, so- why’re ya laughing? Did I say something funny?”

Still grinning like the cat that got the cream, he struggled swallowing the last of his bite, his voice strained but no less elated when he finally got around to replying. “Well, A, Yaz’ll kill ya if she finds out you just said that, and B, y’two a thing now or what?”

Oh.

Yep, she definitely had said too much.

They hadn’t gotten around talking about if and when they wanted to tell their friends about them, not before the memory loss and certainly not three hours ago. And now she had put her foot in her mouth - again.

“Please don’t tell her I said anything,” she whined. “I don’t know if she wants you to know yet, so… while she probably won’t be able to kill me, I really don’t fancy her trying.”

To her great dismay, Ryan just chuckled at her panic. “Even back in primary she weren’t half a force when angry.”

“See!” with all the gravitas she could muster up in this moment, the Doctor held her right pinky out to him. “Pinky promise you won’t say _a thing_.”

No sooner than he hand interlocked their fingers - albeit with an absolutely dumbfounded look on his face - she broke off their connection again and darted out of the door. She didn’t come far, however.

“Doctor?” she heard him call after her, prompting her to reluctantly stick her head around the corner once more “Y’might wanna wash ya face before you kiss the princess awake.”

“What? I’m busy running off!”

Undeterred, he tapped his index finger first to his left cheek and made a wiping motion, then repeated everything with a spot above his right eyebrow. For a second she just looked at him, utterly confused. Why was he talking about her face but pointing at his ow-- oh.

“Oh, yeah, thanks! You lot are so considerate sometimes, five points for Ryan!”

Instantly, she started rubbing viciously at her face with both hands, but when she stopped Ryan’s look told her she had probably just made it worse.

Giving up on her face for the time being, she made to head off again, the last thing she saw of her friend being him shaking his head for good measure, a put upon and sighed “Cheers, mate” trailing after her.

\----

Considering that Yaz was about to wake up anyway, it didn’t really make sense to sneak into the room on her tip-toes, and yet here she was, unable to help herself. 

Artificial dawn had started to begin and cast the room into the special kind of golden glow that was similar and yet absolutely different to the one at dusk. Almost black hair peeked out from under the covers, and when the Doctor drew closer, she could see Yaz’s arm lying where she had previously occupied the other side of the bed as the younger woman was reaching for her subconsciously.

Both her hearts swelled at the sight.

Trying not to disturb her too much, she climbed in again for the second time that night. However this time she wasn’t as successful as Yaz started stirring the second she laid down. 

Cautiously moving Yaz’s arm to scoot closer, she then pressed soft kisses first to every knuckle, then every finger tip, to then let her lips come to rest in the middle of her palm, gently guiding her girlfriend out of her dreams and back into reality.

She couldn’t help the smile on her lips when Yaz’s lashes started fluttering and she opened her eyes in sleepy disorientation. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

“Good--” Yaz broke off suddenly, sleep falling from her eyes rapidly the longer she looked at the Doctor. A mix of amusement and dread travelled from her brown irises to all over her face and lastly her voice as she groaned, “Your face… Y’hair! Doctor, what did you _do_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sure Yaz likes to have a wet Doctor in her bed, but not like _this_
> 
> what about you?


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They make a quick stop to refuel the TARDIS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm determined to get this baby to 200 kudos before it's done and gathers dust.. I firmly believe we can make it.
> 
> Regarding this chapter, all I have to say is: 😈

“Alright, fam, we gotta do a lil extra trip, been in the vortex for too long now,” the Doctor proclaimed from where she was hunched over the console and already turning various dials, tongue poking slightly out of the corner of her mouth in concentration. “Tryna throw the Devoramenti off before they clock us drifting here.”

“Can we choose where to go this time?” Ryan piped up immediately, the hope in his voice almost palpable. 

Pressing her lips tightly together, she looked at him apologetically. “Sorry, not this time you can’t. I have to refuel the TARDIS anyway so we're gonna go where I can do just that. It’s really just a quick hop to throw them off our scent and refuel, two birds with one stone basically! An’ when all off this is over, ya can choose where and whenever y’want, promise. Okay, no, there are certain exceptions, like crossing your own timeline, that never ends well, not gonna do that again- or basically anything connected to your family no matter how far back, or-- I need to focus.”

Leaning in close enough for her nose to almost touch the screen in front of her, the Doctor tried to block out the chatter around her. She needed to get the timing just right, if she missed by a few years and landed too early… 

Yet Ryan wasn’t done inquiring, bless his heart. “What does the TARDIS even live off?”

“Pretty sure it ain’t diesel,” came Graham’s deadpan comment from her other side.

A whole lecture about how the technology to extract diesel fuel was actually based on something a confused space scavenger from Axopatl-IIa had lost on Earth as far back as in the 4th century was hanging from the tip of her tongue, ready to burst out, however she forced herself to push it back and save it for another time. 

“Nah, atron energy, very rare in the universe. Best source is a space-time rift.”

“Now that sounds proper fancy. Where’s one?” Ryan asked immediately, ignoring her curt answers, but backtracked just as quickly. “Wait, don’t answer that, I wouldn’t know where that were anyway.”

“Cardiff.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“Stop pulling our legs!”

Her fam exclaimed incredulously at the same time. Wait, no, one voice had been missing the whole time.

“Yaz, why’re ya so quiet? Did you know ‘bout this?”

Ryan’s question made the Doctor wonder as well and she turned around looking for the other woman only to find her uncharacteristically far away, sitting on the steps and watching the scene in front of her. It was hard to read her, not only because the shadow from a nearby pillar was falling over half her face, but because she spotted a frighteningly blank expression as well. The instant worry forming deep inside her belly was only partly subdued when Yaz seemed to snap out of her thoughts.

The younger woman’s voice was hoarse from lack of recent use when she finally entered the conversation. “I didn’t, but I don’ think stuff like that can even surprise me anymore.”

Now that struck a very familiar nerve within the Doctor, and one of her brains rose to the challenge right away, plotting how to take her girlfriend’s breath away in the most unexpected way. Another brain tried to tell her that she should probably work on her desperate need to impress, but she waved it off for the time being. That was a problem for next-regeneration-Doctor.

(It wasn’t like she had been saying that in the last five bodies as well. It really wasn’t.)

“Impressed or not, we’ll be gone in a few hours anyway. Well, I’m saying a few, considering the grand scheme of things that could be anything from three to forty thousand, bu- don’t look so shocked, I were just about to say that in all likelihood it’ll be roughly three hours, twenty-three minutes and forty-one seconds. But like I said, that’s only a rough estimation.”

The two men looked at her with different stages of incredulity. While Ryan merely raised one of his eyebrows, his grandfather wondered “Blimey, that’s what y’call a  _ rough _ estimation? Then what’s an exact one for ya?”

“I don’ mean to sound condescending, bu’ your tiny human minds wouldn’t be able to comprehend it if I told ya.”

“Gotta say, Doc, that definitely sounds condescending.”

She rolled her eyes, probably adding to the whole condescending impression. “That’s why I said I don’ mean to!”

Any possible rebuttal was drowned out the second she cranked the lever and the TARDIS shuddered to life, Ryan and Graham immediately trying to hold on to the closest thing they could see. They landed not even three seconds later and the Doctor pursed her lips at the obvious look of surprise on their faces about the smooth landing. She  _ was  _ a good pilot most of the time.

After triple checking the readings on the screen, she bounded over to the door, wordlessly motioning her companions to stay back.

Slowly, she poked her head out and squinted into the harsh light of day - or as harsh as it could ever get in Cardiff. Her gaze wandered carefully over the square in front of her, left to right and from Roald Dahl Plass to the Millenium Centre and back. Good, there was definitely no Captain Jack Harkness charging at the TARDIS this time around. While she had been pretty sure that he wasn’t around the place in 2019, there was always a little bit of uncertainty when it came to the life of time and space travellers.

Opening the door completely, the Doctor stepped out of the way and made a presenting motion.

“Alright, Cardiff, June 15th 2019--”

“That’s just a few days after you picked us up, accidentally.”

It seemed that her friends were not only unimpressed by her choice of place but by her choice of time as well. She wasn’t gonna let herself be deterred by that, she wasn’t too happy about that either but they had to make do with that for a short moment.

“Exactly, Graham, don’t like taking you humans too much into your, like, natural timeline. Especially the future side of it. Can’t have you pick up stuff you shouldn’t know and then place bets back in your original time, or something”, she started to explain, “Also needed to catch the right window in the 2010s, don’ wanna accidentally run into an old friend. Got a bit messy the last time that happened, end of the universe ‘n all that.”

“Isn’t it always the end of the universe with you?” Yaz piped up as she finally abandoned her spot on the steps and walked over to join them.

“No, I mean the actual spatial and temporal end, not-- what’s that supposed to mean?!” rolling her eyes when she got nothing but a snicker and a pat on her shoulder from Yaz, she tried to finish what she actually wanted to say. “Very funny. Anyway, as I were saying, your time’s Cardiff, you got two hours strolling around while I get her filled top to the brim again. Get some Starbucks or chips, make some tiktoks or whatever you kids like doing these days. Chop chop!”

With a mix of bewilderment and bemusement about her antics, the three of them started to file out one after the other. However then the Doctor made a split second decision and grabbed Yaz’s hand before she walked completely out of reach. Her girlfriend looked at her quizzically, albeit didn’t resist.

Even though she knew the others couldn’t hear her, the door had already fallen closed behind them, she somehow couldn’t help lowering her voice when she asked “Are you alright? Y’seem a bit… off.”

“‘M fine, just feeling a bit weird, like if there’s a migraine waiting to happen.”

Yaz’s face softened when she spoke, the hint of a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth as a reaction to the Doctor’s apparent worrying. Still, she couldn’t help pulling a face at her words, rubbing her thumb over her girlfriend’s knuckles in a way that was probably supposed to soothe them both.

“Want me to do a quick check up in the med bay? I’m pretty sure I have something against whatever is bugging you.” She was already bouncing on the balls of her feet, ready to dart off and pull Yaz with her the second she gave her okay. 

“Nah, you go and play pump attendant for the old girl,” Yaz leant in and pressed a quick kiss to her lips, a glint of mischief in her eyes when she pulled back. “Also, considering how that last check up of yours ended, I don’t think it’ll lead to an improvement in neither me health nor the TARDIS’ energy tank.”

She felt the tips of her ears heating up at the reminder and she looked down sheepishly at their still intertwined fingers. “I’m… sorry?”

“Aw, please don’t be”, the younger woman chuckled as she squeezed her hand one last time before letting go and turning away, “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Not if I see ya first!”

“That were right corny.”

“Yeah,” she scrunched up her nose, “not saying that again.”

Despite Yaz’s obvious amusement at her expense, the Doctor watched her leave with two hearts full with adoration for her favourite human.

Shaking herself out of it, she squared her shoulders and grabbed her goggles before she removed some of the floor’s grating. Focus, there was a lot of work to do.

\---

It had probably not even been fifteen minutes ago she had stowed the energy pipe away safely under the console again, the TARDIS gurgling away happily in the back of her mind, when the door burst open accompanied by a cacophony of laughter.

“I still can’t believe y’actually did that! Oh my god, Ryan! Look at poor Graham, he’s still mortified!”

Curiosity getting the better of her, the Doctor poked out her head from behind the centre column and took in the picture in front of her. While both Yaz and Ryan were still shaking and bending over with laughter, Graham indeed didn’t look too happy. Groaning, the older man buried his pink face in his hands, the picture of embarrassment. 

“Please tell me ya didn’ traumatise half of Cardiff.”

Not even faintly surprised by the Doctor’s sudden appearance, Yaz wiped away a stray tear making its way down her cheek and tried to catch her breath enough to answer, her brown eyes still glazed over beautifully by mirth and laughter. “Nah, only like one sixth. And Graham, obviously.”

“If I find anything in the history books about this day and it mentions your names I’ll never let you out on your own ever again.” It was hard to keep a straight face when the glee of her companions (sans one, but Graham was definitely smiling a bit behind his hands, she could tell) was so tangible, yet she tried shooting them her best stern glare anyway.

Ryan raised his hands in mock surrender. “We totally behaved, Doctor, we swear. Scout’s honour, right, Yaz? Graham?”

The other two copied his stance and nodded vigorously, making her shake her head at their childish behaviour. 

“So, Doc, everything went well, the TARDIS tank is all filled up again?”

As a way of replying, the Doctor patted the rim of the console fondly. “Yep”, she grinned proud as any. “She’s right as rain and ready to go again.”

“Speaking of filled up tanks, I’m feeling a bit peckish, me. Gonna grab a cuppa an’ sarnies, maybe even biscuits if I feel daring. Anyone else wanna join me?” 

Graham’s words were underlined by a loud rumble from his stomach, prompting both Ryan and Yaz to shoot each other a look and burst out into loud laughter again. She had clearly missed something when they had been out without her. 

“Y’two go ahead before Graham gets delirious, the Doctor and I will join you in a tick.”

While Yaz’s words elicited a warm feeling inside her middle, they led to a teasing grin from Ryan, who instantly waggled his eyebrows at the two women.

“Aw, didja miss each other so much? Has being apart from each other for two hours been too harsh on your poor hearts, ya lovebirds?”

Panicking instantly at his words for being afraid Ryan had told Yaz about their little kitchen talk, her eyes darted to her girlfriend to gauge her reaction and check how much trouble she was in. To her surprise, Yaz merely shot their friend a sickenly sweet smile and flipped him off.

“Don’t forget the money ya owe me, Sinclair.”

She didn’t know what that comment was about, but apparently it hit home with Ryan as his whole face contorted and he walked off grumbling, Graham in tow and patting his shoulder in fatherly fashion.

When the two men had walked around the corner and Yaz turned around to face her at last, her girlfriend was biting her lip with a look of pure uncertainty.

“They know about us now. I hope it’s alright, but it somehow came up an’ I didn’ wanna lie to them, y’know.”

Instantly, a large weight fell off the Doctor’s shoulders and she smiled at her as she held her arms out for her, telling her wordlessly to finally get closer. Relishing the feeling of Yaz’s warm body against hers, she buried her nose in her hair, catching the last whiffs of salty air before the molecules could diffuse fully in the big space of the ship.

Yaz’s soft chuckle reverberated through both their bodies. “I take it that means it’s okay?”

“Of course it is,” she pulled back to let her eyes roam slowly over Yaz’s features. “Seems like y’feeling better. ‘M glad.”

“Dunno, being out and about with the boys distracted me long and well enough, maybe the coastal air did me some good too, but I still feel it lurking right there behind me eyes.”

“Y’want me to distract you?”

Yaz met her half-serious eyebrow waggle with a snort. “Well aren’t you half subtle."

When their lips parted again after a chaste kiss, the younger woman added "Maybe later, Casanova, but right now the boys are waiting for us in the kitchen and if we take any longer we won't ever hear the end of it, I reckon."

Humming in reluctant agreement, the Doctor pressed their heads together, the tips of their noses almost touching. "Later then?" 

"Later."

Slowly disentangling their bodies, she pressed one last kiss to her girlfriend's forehead, relishing in the feeling of warm skin under her lips. 

Feeling Yaz’s whole body tensing up all of a sudden, she leant back to look at her, something cold gripping on her insides at her reaction. She couldn’t see her face as it was currently turned to the ground between their feet, but something was very wrong by the way all of her muscles seemed to have gone rigid at once and nothing was audible apart from a quiet gasp escaping Yaz’s lips.

Panic rising in her throat, she let her hands fall from her girlfriend’s face down to her shoulders, gripping tightly. “Yaz, you okay?” 

She didn’t get a reply, however Yaz finally seemed to snap out of it as she sucked in two big gulps of air, shaking her head almost imperceptibly as if to clear the fog in her brain. Then she looked up again.

For the first time in her long life, the Doctor finally understood where the phrase ‘getting cold feet’ had come from. The instant Yaz’s eyes found hers, her nervous system kicked into overdrive and sent a firework of signals through her, all of them ending in one single emotional response: blood-curdling fear.

She knew exactly what Yaz had just remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
> 
> I am _so_ excited you have no idea


End file.
